Strangled Tears of After Life

By Annette Cotter

A story of a young intelligent 14 year old girl who gives birth to an unwanted mixed blood child called Tiaki. Strange happenings eventuate and she is isolated in her thoughts. As a young adult she seeks her sanity from Dr Neville who nurses her through her journey of abuse, loss, guilt, love and questions her ability to see things clearly. Meanwhile Tiaki is propelled into the world of prejudice, socialism and murder. As a 19 year old boy, he finds himself twisted in the journey of afterlife and gets a glimpse through another child’s eyes of love, grace and non-judgement.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Annette Cotter
• Release date: Apr 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310843839

Annette Cotter

I am a new author from Auckland, New Zealand (Aotearoa – land of the long white cloud). My many roles in life include being a daughter, sister, cousin, friend, co-worker, mother and grandmother. I work part time as a clinical administrator which gives me some spare time to play the ukulele and write, exploring my imagination. I love poems, quotes which make you think deeply or laugh and appreciate life as life is precious. Sometimes people’s lives are changed by extraordinary events, opportunities, chance happenings (happy and sad). In a second, life can throw you a curve ball that will turn your life upside down and question your being. Could a smile mask a torturous mind or bring good things? This is where stories start and writing begins. A big thank you to my dearest family and friends who have encouraged me with words of enthusiasm, guidance and truthful feedback. Especially to my son Scott and friend Steve. Arohanui.

Book preview

Strangled Tears of the After Life

by

Annette Cotter

Published by Annette Cotter at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 Annette Cotter

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1 - St Vincent Hospital

CHAPTER 2 - My Innocence Taken

CHAPTER 3 - My Journey

CHAPTER 4 - The Oasis

CHAPTER 5 - Meeting My Son in Prison

CHAPTER 6 - The Crime

CHAPTER 7 - The Hanging

CHAPTER 8 - Purgatory

CHAPTER 9 - Redemption

CHAPTER 10 - The Awakening

CHAPTER 11 - Memories

CHAPTER 12 - The Crossroads

CHAPTER 13 - Merging of Truth

CHAPTER 14 - Going Home

CHAPTER 1 - St Vincent Hospital

The room smelt of old books and the musky odour that always seems to go with dwellings that see little or no light and this was no exception. In the dimly lit room only a small single barred window and a kerosene lamp, provided the only light available.

A few photos scattered on the desk in front of me and a number of other curios placed around the room were all that contributed to its draconian decor. To the right stood a large bookshelf containing a huge assortment of books. I always wondered if people actually needed that many or whether it actually meant the books knew more than them.

Whatever the reason was, I was here to see Doctor Neville which meant I should stop assuming things, as I sought his expertise which made me inferior I suppose.

I could not help but notice he was late for his appointment, which was not really an uncharacteristic peculiarity for him, he was seldom punctual.

Consequently it became rather easy to daydream during these intervals and I certainly had a lot to reflect on.

Looking at walls had become a repetitious cycle to the local inhabitants. It was

It was with some degree of satisfaction to discover Doctor Neville's walls were the same dreary dark coloured brick as ours. Combined with high ceilings made it appear to be bigger than it actually was and did very little to keep in the warmth. I often wondered whoever designed these buildings did so for bigger people, either to keep them in or to keep others out. In either case it worked for neither.

I focus further on the photos on his desk and presume are the family of Dr Neville's. There is a woman and a girl, which I am guessing must be his wife and daughter. I contemplate briefly what normal family life must be like.

I gain comfort in dwelling on this thought for a moment, that I unconsciously start recalling my own past deficiencies and failures.

It's been so long ago that the word family meant anything to me or for that matter still really does. Being an unwilling mother and choosing to be voluntarily estranged from my only child was normal to me. I could hardly mirror my life off others, as there was no others. I had only my own life's experience to draw upon, which was not normal by any stretch of the imagination, but never the less was all I had.

I'm not sure when or where I was born, except to say in the South Island somewhere.

After some careful thought and calculating I figure it must be around 1900.

I spent my infant years with my mother and father which I can faintly remember their faces. Consequently my only memory of them at all is as a child.

During my early 20's I became not only curious, but felt an over whelming desire to find out more about my parents. This led me to discover that in the late 1900's a flu epidemic was sweeping the region. From what I understood as a 4 year old girl, I was simply being taken to stay with other children around my age to play with.

We were moved somewhere out of the area prior to the height of the epidemic.

I learnt that both my parents never survived and perished with many others.

I found it difficult to express myself emotionally upon discovering this revelation.

Although I did not know them as I should I had felt an overwhelming sense of loss and total isolation.

I stop thinking for a while to absorb my memory of them and during the silence, I am reminded of where I am by the frequent clanging of doors. The sounds appear to be drawing nearer and muffled voices interrupt my current line of thought. I wonder where Dr Neville is - He's late again.

As if by some divine intervention Dr Neville enters the room and interrupts my train of thoughts. He is a European middle aged man of average solid build and height with brown/grey hair complimented with brown eyes.

Although I don't think it's his intention, he often dresses scruffy as if he has little time to dress in the morning. Perhaps that is true however he makes up for it with a kind face and a not so flattering balding head .He is sharp and well spoken and knows what he's doing. He has an uncanny knack of making one feel at ease with them self. I must confess I have never come across such a person in my life that I'm able to trust so easily.

Good morning Rapana, how are you today? asked Dr Neville.

I'd feel better if I stayed asleep forever I said.

Hmmm, I was hoping we would be in a better mood today sighs Dr Neville

"My mood can only be better when I know what date of my own death would be? I said.

I see Dr Neville makes his way to his chair behind the desk and lights up his tobacco pipe.

He always does this whenever he's in for a long session and this seemed like it's going to be one of those occasions. Dr Neville suggests Shall we continue where we left off last week, you mentioned to me, you were unwilling mother, what do you mean by that? said Dr Neville.

Are you reading my mind or something? I was just thinking about that just before you walked into the door For a brief moment I feel perhaps Dr Neville has taken on supernatural qualities, that makes me look at him closer, and then I laugh at myself and quickly dismiss the absurd possibility.

Dr Neville inhales on his tobacco and said Rapana I am a Psychiatrist it is my profession to read minds.

I reply Well then you would have recalled I didn’t' answer that question last week either! As if to provoke a negative reaction from the Doctor.

Dr Neville takes another long draw on his tobacco and responds And if you remember last week Rapana we got nowhere either. I’m here to help you, if I can’t reach you, you could be in here for a very long time and probably medicated further. I don’t think you fit that category yet, but if you let me help you, then I am positive you can lead a normal and fruitful life

He stares at me and watches for any kind of reaction that might indicate psychosis or paranoia, and although I have answered the first two questions negatively he feels I did not mean it. Dr Neville decides to side step this issue and not attempt to any probing questions concerning my current state of mind.

Dr Nevile silently thinks, if he is to encourage me to speak openly he should adopt the passive approach.

I take my time to absorb what is said and acknowledge Dr Neville’s words and know they are true and then I bow my head to allow my memories to re-enter my thoughts.

Within that small moment in time I am overwhelmed by the past which engulfs my emotions.

Dr Neville observes me experiencing a deeply moving trauma, and decides to himself to let me have this moment without interruption.

I feel the Doctor’s reply has forced me to confront my demons, which is a challenge I am not totally prepared for. I begin to cry, knowing my tears are my only means in which to gain temporary relief. I feel consolation in tears as it allows me to momentarily forget, yet somehow maintain the last remnant of my dignity.

I utter What does it all matter anyway? It is all too little too late, nothing I say or do, can mend what has already been done.

Dr Neville replies "Perhaps you are right, but there are things in all people that makes them feel like it’s too late. But the truth is, it is never too late to make amends and to help ourselves and those who are left behind.

"I wipe away my tears