Poems From the Potting Shed

By Lynne Roberts

This collection of humorous poems is written by Lynne, who is a kiwifruit grower and keen gardener.

• Language: English
• Publisher: lynne roberts
• Release date: Feb 28, 2014
• ISBN: 9781927241264

Lynne Roberts

Lynne is a writer, musician, dance teacher and porcelain painter, among other things. She lives on an orchard in the Bay of Plenty, New Zealand where she breeds donkeys and collects grandchildren. Lynne has written copious numbers of educational teaching resources from pre-school through to tertiary level. She writes story books and fantasy fiction for children and poetry for children and adults, always with a strong vein of humour. Lynne also writes musicals for which she composes the original music.

Book preview

Poems From the Potting Shed

By Lynne Roberts

Published by Liberty Publications at Smashwords

Copyright 2014 Lynne Roberts

ISBN 978-1-927241-26-4

Smashwords Edition, License Notes


This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author

Contents

50 Shades of Spray

A Cautionary Tale

A Fairy Tale

A Little List

A Lot of Bull

A Stressful Time

Blooming Cheek

Chain Reaction

Christmas

Confessions of a Gardener

Daybreak

Easter Weekend

Entertaining

Fertilizer

From the Passenger Seat

Gnomeless

Gwyther’s Garden

Herbal Days

Hoe Down

In Haste

In Reply to Clare

Insects

Life Cycle

Daisies Daisies

Mary Mary

Dilly Dilly

Green Grows the Nightshade-O

Many a Mickle Makes a Muckle

Matter of Fact

My Favourite Things

Names

Nellie the Puppy

On a Budget

Running Out

Overheard at a Nursery

Potty

Proposal in a Chinese garden

Roses

Super Zespri Man

The Bus Trip

The Elements

The First Day of Springtime

The Fishpond

The Friendship Garden

The Green Growers’ Blues

The Help Line

The Orchardist’s Lament

Three Tier Farming

What Will the Matter Be?

Wintertime

50 Shades of Spray

I’m really not the kind of girl

Who’s into kinky stuff

Although I’ve done my share

Of skinny dipping in the buff

But when it comes to bondage

Or things that cause me pain

If you think that I’ll submit

Then I suggest you think again

I do like lots of money, though

And wish I’d had the luck

To write a squillion selling book

And pocket all the bucks

They say the sales of riding crops

Can’t keep up with demand

From those dominating dudes

Who like to dictate and command

So here is my suggestion

To improve your orchard gains

Go sharpen up your secateurs

And sell off all the canes

A Cautionary Tale

Upon one dark and stormy night when all good souls were sleeping

An opportunist thief around the orchard shed came creeping

He’d stripped the avocado trees of all the fruit in reach

And now he gently eased the bolt in case the door should creak

A four wheel drive was neatly parked, a tractor snug beside

‘The fool has even left the keys,’ the sneering burglar cried

He quickly tossed the bags of avocados in the tray

And chuckled to himself as he prepared to drive away

Annoyed, the thief discovered that the driver’s door was stuck

So he crawled in through the window on the far side of