The Naughty Necromancer

By Brennan Barrett

The Adjustors are back! All of your favorite characters are back to thwart the plans of The Sly where ever and when ever they can. Ten times the zombies, twice the length and packed with all the naughtiness and silliness you've come to enjoy in a Brennan Barrett book. The Naughty Necromancer carries you through back alleys, across the underworld, to England and back again. You won't want to miss this book!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Brennan Barrett
• Release date: Jan 22, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310808876

Brennan Barrett

Brennan Barrett is an off the wall fantasy writer from New Westminster BC in Canada. Being an avid fan of both comedy and the Fantasy genres his entire life has imbued Brennan with a straight forward writing style that makes for an entertaining read in anything his irreverent mind creates. Fans will agree, you never know what to expect next. For anyone that has taken the time to write a review, please feel free to contact the author via email [e-mail] There is always time for a thank you. Thank you to the fans that offer great ideas, you make the process that much more enjoyable.

Book preview

The Naughty Necromancer

Book Four in The Adjustor Series

By Brennan Barrett

Copyright 2013 Brennan Barrett

Smashwords Edition

ISBN (ePub) 978-0-9918332-3-8 

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or shared with other people without purchase or permission. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please visit to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Author’s note.

I would like to thank my readers for their support. A reader asked me recently where my ideas come from and what inspires my stories. I would like to say something sagely at this very moment but in truth, I have dreams and write them down. Now and then I will have to do a little research to better describe what I’ve seen in a dream but that’s the truth of it. No great talent here, just a dreamer. The downfall is that I often wake up in the middle of the night and start writing.

During these late night episodes, I am barely awake and the mistakes are horrendous. I have fallen asleep many times and awoken to find that I have written a chapter or more while technically asleep. You can believe the material that comes from these sessions, unique though it may be, is in desperate need of intensive correcting in both spelling and grammar. Sometimes these books are sent back and forth between myself and the proof readers so often that new mistakes can crop up and in the case of this book, an older draft will sometimes make its way forward and end up as the final draft. I’m sure that one of these days I’ll have a professional editor. Until that day, I will rely heavily on my new proofreaders. Ash and Carolyn. You two are amazing! I hope I remember to tell you that often.

Discover other titles in The Adjustor Series at Smashwords

The Odd Job

Sharp Things

Bits and Pieces

Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Epilogue

About the author

Acknowledgements

Other Books by Brennan Barrett

Coming soon

The Naughty Necromancer

Chapter 1

Stepping hadn't come easily to Declan. He had almost fallen to his death the first time he tried and had almost broken his neck during the second attempt. The man that should have been training him right now was dead. His predecessor, Romeo Pitacus, had had over two hundred years of valuable experience that he would have passed on to Declan if the poor bastard hadn't been gunned down in the street by the Sly.

Declan still wasn't entirely sure who the Sly were. They seemed to be a loosely knit consortium of ass hats by his opinion. More specifically, they were a brotherhood of killers, small forgotten gods manufactured by man and possibly the devil himself, though there was as yet no proof of the last possible member. The term random god or manufactured god had seemed silly to the adjustor when it was first explained to him.

The power of man lay in prayer and that power was a mighty force that mankind had no true notion of. Oh, a few believers among the masses believed prayer was that strong, sure, but they were praying to a god that was hiding in the cosmic version of a padded cell.

If a believer prayed to Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love, then those prayers gave her strength. Strength enough to answer prayers that would restore beauty, find love or any of the wonderful things the Goddess of Love was responsible for. They might pray to Bran for healing, or Lugh for strength, or inspiration, or maybe Thor for courage, and they would start the wheels in motion that formed a circuit between themselves, their god and the power of creation. It was a mighty and wonderful thing, that holy trinity.

If the devout prayed to God, well, he wasn't taking any calls. Watching mankind screw each other over, fight, kill and cry, over and over again, while constantly calling out to him for every little thing had given the Father a nervous breakdown. Dad had started a family business for the kids, pointed them in the right direction and gritted his teeth while they treated the business like most spoiled children would. So, the heavenly Father benched his children, took over the business and enforced the rules, until he had a nervous breakdown.

That was more or less the official story, if you were in the loop. Most of humanity wasn't in the loop and that was a problem. The gods were all running on empty, but they were learning. In the short time since Declan took over for the late Romeo Pittacus, there were a lot more prayers coming in. Not just the prayers asking for this or that, but prayers of thanks that completed the circuit and didn't drain the gods in the effort of answering those prayers.

According to Odin, the trend that Declan and his junior adjustor had started by demanding a few prayers of thanks, like mothers telling their children to say thank you, had started to make a difference. That trend had carried over to other estates as well, and adjustors all over the world were doing more to answer prayers than for centuries past and they too were reminding the blessed to offer thanks. There was real power in the Great Hall once again, a fraction of what the gods had when they were acting as angels for the heavenly Father, and a fraction of what they had in the days of legend. Today though, there was more power circulating through The Host of The Hall than there had been in over two thousand years.

With all the power flowing around The Hall, not to mention the headiness of preventing Armageddon, everyone was feeling particularly generous and forgiving. The Celebration Meal had been a feast and now dinner was winding down. Declan and Bel were chatting with friends and a number of the guests were congregating around the bar at the rear of the Great Hall.

Angus, to his surprise, had also been stopped and included in discussions more often during the hour and a half than in the entire time he had lived at the Estate.

Angus the ape had spent a hundred years in the private menagerie of Athena before he had met Mr. Smith, or Goibhniu as the Elders often called him. Hephaestus had been visiting Athena that day for some weapon or another she wanted crafted for the random Hero of the Day, a term the old craftsman was known to call every new champion that came along.

Hephaestus' young apprentice had been with him and the youth had taken a liking to Angus. In those days Angus had been half mad from confinement and loneliness, but the gentle hearted Smith had managed to coax him out of his shell. The friendship between Smith and Angus had started that day but it had taken a further fifteen years and a number of visits before Athena had been convinced to part with one of her pets.

Angus had originally thought the offer of serving his sentence with one of the immortals meant serving, working, anything other than being kept locked in a cage. Smith, however, had given Angus something to do. Granted, it had been shoveling coal or hauling water for a number of centuries but it was a damn sight better than a cage.

Angus remembered the night that Smith had finished his apprenticeship. A grand party had been held in Smiths honor to celebrate the new Master Craftsman. Hephaestus had presented Smith with a set of special seals to stamp the magical markings on Smiths creations that imbued them with the godly power. Angus was proud of his friend but he had snuck away back to the barn as the revelry continued late into the night.

Angus had climbed into his little cot above the horses in the barn and wept. The tears had been hot and bitter as he mourned the loss of his only friend and the ache he felt in his heart was worse than anything he had ever felt in his life as a man or until now, his life as an ape. To anyone else, it may have seemed a cowardly decision, but Angus made up his mind to see Smith off with good wishes and a smile, and then throw himself off the great cliff that bordered the elder god’s domain.

Angus would never forget Smith stealing into the barn to show him the coveted seals forged of shiny metal. The giant craftsman had taken the time to explain what each design and emblem stood for and how they could be linked to one another for different purposes. Smith had finally put the seals away and looked intently into Angus' eyes to ask, I know ye've grown fair o' this place ya great git, but I can 'na think ta be workin' at me bench and yerself not nigh. Would ya come ta live at the new estate with me?

Angus had been at a loss for words. He had not realized Smith had grown as fond of him, as he had of the big lout. I think I would like that, Angus remembered saying at the time.

Oy, ya great git, Smith bellowed from a dozen feet away breaking Angus from his reminiscing, Her Ladyship has been waitin' on ya.

Angus smiled. To anyone else it might seem as though Mr. Smith gave him a hard time but that was far from the truth. I'm coming, Angus said, as he excused himself from Ra and one of his subordinates. The god had been playing buddy-buddy with him to avoid Declan anyway. It would be fun to see if those two got along after what had happened this morning.

Aphrodite stood waiting with a smile but the smile seemed forced.

Sorry to keep you waiting, Your Ladyship, Angus said sincerely. He was quite fond of the Goddess and hoped that his tardiness wasn't the cause of her distress.

I wouldn't want to take you away from your long overdue attention, Angus, and I do mean that sincerely, Aphrodite said. Would you be willing to walk with me?

Of course, Elder, Angus said with a touch of fear in his heart, lead the way. The ape knew that if he were asked about his behavior with Elena, he wouldn't be able to lie. He should have known when the Goddess Aphrodite approached him before dinner with a request for a word that he was going to get a lashing for nuzzling that Russian girl's boobs today. He had a very strong feeling that the shoe was about to drop over his lewd behavior or, that his relationship with Marion had made its way back to Athena's ears.

Aphrodite took his arm and led him out the great arch that proudly marked The Hall. Angus, do you remember the girl you helped? Elena Petrova? Aphrodite asked.

Of course, Angus said proudly, I'll never forget her. It had been on his first solo mission as Assistant Adjuster that he had met the beautiful blonde. 'Here it comes,' Angus thought.

Wonderful, Aphrodite said. Well, it seems you told her to spread the word and she has.

Was that bad? Angus asked with wide eyes, thinking that his situation might now be much direr than wandering hands or fraternizing with a maid.

Not at all, Aphrodite replied letting a giggle escape at the dramatic sigh of relief that sprang from Angus as he exhaled, but Elena has convinced a friend that prayers to me will help her find love.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, Angus said in his best English, but you are the Goddess of Love, aren't you?

Aphrodite let out a full-mouthed laugh and slapped Angus' arm playfully. I am at that, Aphrodite admitted. I just usually have more to work with.

I don't follow you, Angus confessed.

This girl has become suicidal because of loneliness, Aphrodite said, and I fear if she doesn't find love soon, or at least a very lusty affair, she may do harm to herself.

Angus felt a pang of sympathy in his heart, as he knew that feeling well. So, what's the plan? Another hairbrush? Some enchanted lipstick? Angus asked.

Oh, if only it were that easy, Aphrodite said morosely as she steered them both by habit towards the kitchen. She is morbidly obese and is simply not attractive to any males in her social circles.

Well, I'm living proof that there's someone out there for everybody, no matter what they look like, Angus said proudly.

That is why you are perfect for this assignment, Aphrodite said enthusiastically. Angus smiled back at the goddess, swelling with the praise. Then the ape's eyes flew wide and his jaw dropped.

How am I going to explain to Marion that you are pimping me out to fat chicks? Angus exclaimed in an utter panic. Aphrodite exploded with laughter. She tried several times to contain herself but finally slumped against the wall. Just when she felt she could talk again, Angus said, It's not funny. The stricken goddess slumped to a sitting position on the floor of the hallway with her legs splayed out and her head askew while she laughed even harder.

The sound of Aphrodite's hysterical laughter drew Chef from the kitchen and the little Frenchman helped Angus get the elder seated at the cozy little table in the corner. Chef always had the perfect food or drink for any occasion, and he quickly poured a small glass of the lady's favorite port.

Sipping from the dainty goblet seemed to restore Aphrodite to some semblance of reason. Oh Angus, you are a dear, but honestly, Aphrodite said, around giggles that threatened to give way into another dangerous bout of belly laughter, I didn't have exactly that in mind.

Thank heaven, Angus said with relief, it's taken me an ice age to get even one woman to notice me. I'd hate to bugger that up.

Plenty of women have been noticing you, Angus, Aphrodite said, regaining some control. However, in Elena’s friend case I was thinking that maybe the powder you discovered might just help in this situation. A powerful aphrodisiac might be advantageous in this instance and you have a man at your command who is sworn to save a number of women.

At the mention of an aphrodisiac, Chef's face went beet red and he suddenly became very busy in the kitchen.

Ignorant of Chefs sudden discomfort, Angus barked Holy shit! Realizing his slip of manners, the ape immediately covered his mouth with his hands. Sorry, Your Ladyship, Angus said with a grin as pulled his hands away from his mouth, but the boss is going to love this. Angus was practically bouncing with excitement. How do I find this girl? Angus asked.

I will take you to her, Aphrodite informed the excited simian. At the very least, I will show you to her dwelling and the location of Glen Sumner. I believe he hasn't made any progress in filling his quota as of yet.

I'll be right back, Angus said and stepped directly from his chair to his workbench in the Armory. Stepping was the godly form of travel and Angus was enjoying it immensely.

Honoré, you old fool, Aphrodite said lovingly as she turned her attention to Chef, toiling away like that isn't fooling anyone.

Chef let out a sigh and sagged against the counter, mixing bowl in hand. I will never forgive myself for such actions, Chef said, his French accent thick with emotion.

I'll never forgive you either, Aphrodite said, especially if you make me wait for much longer before visiting my bedroom again.

For the first time in memory, Chef actually dropped a bowl in his kitchen.

***

Where the hell did I put that stuff? Angus muttered as he scrounged around his workbench looking for the bag containing the aphrodisiac powder. He forced himself to calm down and retrace his steps. There was some in the Summer Suite, but there was no telling where Samantha had put it. She was still off shadowing the investigation at some creepy dead clone's place and he didn’t expect her back anytime soon.

Suddenly a smile crept across Angus' features and he reached under his workbench, remembering the little shelf he had installed. It was the secret location where he often hid his cookies. Mr. Smith was a fiend for the biscuits and cookies; you had to hide them or he had them all eaten in a wink. The bag was still there Angus felt with relief. Pulling it out from the hiding spot, Angus realized that it had enough powder in it to dose Glen for about fifty years, even if he was whoring the man out every weekend.

Looking around the area for something small to hold a pinch of powder, Angus' eyes lit on a few sheets of gold foil. That'll do just fine, he said to himself happily as he cut a small square and placed the slightest pinch of powder onto the center of it. Careful not to breathe and blow the dangerous powder off the foil, Angus carefully twisted the corners together to form a little pouch. It took just another moment to carefully hide the leather pouch again. A little job security, the ape said with a grin, and stepped back to the kitchen.

Aphrodite and Chef were sitting at the table laughing. Aphrodite was in better shape than Chef, who was wiping tears from his eyes.

What did I miss? Angus asked.

I was just telling Honoré about our little misunderstanding in the hallway, Aphrodite said with shimmering eyes.

Angus sighed and rolled his eyes. I know, the ape grumbled, it was pretty stupid of me.

Not at all, my friend, Chef said, patting Angus on the back. You are a striking man in a suit. I would have thought the same thing, but alas, I do not have such a robust chest as you.

Aphrodite noticed Angus blush; she was one of the few who could always tell.

We should get going, Aphrodite said to save Angus further embarrassment.

I need to mix this stuff, Angus said, and I'll need a big bottle of spring water to keep Glen alive for the weekend.

Can I help? Chef asked. I have a flair for mixing.

I need a small flask and any liquid will do for the powder, Angus said.

Of course. Follow me, Chef said, as he waved Angus to the back of the kitchen and indicated two shelves full of various containers. Angus picked out a small blue glass flask with an old-fashioned cork stopper, and a large earthen jug wrapped with twine thick enough to be called rope.

Chef nodded and carried the big jug over to the large sink and placed it under the smaller of two taps. I will need your strength to lift this, mon ami, Chef said, as he finished filling the jug. Angus was quick to help and carried the heavy jug over to the table.

For the powder, I would recommend pear juice, Chef said, as he went to the pantry and came out with a lidded pitcher. Using a small funnel, Chef filled the small blue flask to near the top and handed it to Angus.

Ok, nobody breathe, Angus said, as he unfolded the gold foil and tipped the tiny amount of powder into the flask. Replacing the stopper, Angus shook the flask until the powder had dissolved. You may want to be careful with that, Angus said, indicating the gold foil he had left on the table, this stuff packs a punch. Chef nodded with a mischievous grin that Aphrodite caught with satisfaction.

Alright, Adjustor, Aphrodite said, it's time we left. Angus nodded happily as he washed his hands and dried them on a checkered towel. Giving a thumbs up to the Chef, Angus picked up the two containers and followed Aphrodite to The hallway.

***

Samantha was relieved when the uniformed officers arrived to secure the site. She had followed the investigating team around the apartment all evening and was missing the first feast at the Great Hall that she could have actually attended in years. Feasts weren't generally held in the garage where she had formerly been a car. She couldn't argue that Declan's logic, the logic that left her stuck with this tedious assignment, had been sound. If a group of armed clones decided to pay a visit during the investigation, a bunch of geeks with plastic bags and a single uniformed cop, with only a standard issue sidearm wouldn't have stood a chance without her.

There was also the fact that she had unwittingly discovered a second hidden room on the other side of the bookcase while explaining her earlier discovery to one of the young CSI members she was flirting with. She had acted excited, of course, but inside she was swearing up a blue streak when she realized the discovery would add at least an hour to the investigation. In reality, it had added slightly more than two.

To add insult to injury, one of the two big cops that had been called to secure the site couldn't stop staring at her boobs. Normally this would be welcome, but right now she just wanted to get back to the Estate before she missed the drinking and gossiping that always followed the formal dinners.

Impatient to leave the rest to the geek squad, she decided to take matters into her own hands. Hey gorgeous, Samantha beckoned the cop who was memorizing her tits, come take a look at this. She led him over to the second hidden room and showed him its contents.

Mother! the cop said, as he took in row after row of automatic weapons and ammunition. Was this guy getting ready for a war?

There are a few too many guns here for one guy, don't you think? Samantha asked.

There are a few too many guns there for an entire squad, the cop said.

Then chances are that this guy had friends, Samantha said. You may want to load one up and keep an eye on the door in case they come back. That was enough to shake loose the amorous cop and make her getaway. As far as she was concerned, the sweep was done and any flesh and blood clones that dared to arrive would drop pretty fast when faced with automatic fire.

There was a party to attend and hopefully, Samantha thought, something wearable was waiting for her in her closet.

***

This is her home, Aphrodite said to Angus as they stood in the driveway of a tiny house on a quiet street. Her name is Betina Martens and I can tell by her prayers that we are just in time. Aphrodite was still dressed in her fine gown and would have made quite a sight if it weren't late enough in the evening that no one even noticed the heavenly beauty or the extremely well dressed gorilla standing beside her.

Oh no, Aphrodite said suddenly. Without another word, she rested a hand on the ape's shoulder and stepped them both inside the tiny house. Stop this instant! Aphrodite snapped as soon as they arrived.

Betina Martens sloshed a small amount of drain cleaner on her chin as she jolted forward in fright. She had been about to swallow a newly opened container of heavy duty 'Clog Killer' to end her misery. Though she had been prevented from drinking the drain cleaner, a red spot began forming almost immediately on the woman's bulbous chin. Angus lurched forward and tore the bottle from her grasp.

This goes in here, dumbass! Angus said, as he poured the contents of the bottle into the kitchen sink. Aphrodite gasped as she saw blisters forming on the girl's chin and ran to the bathroom. Returning immediately with two facecloths, she handed one to Angus and ran water over the second.

Quickly, Angus, Aphrodite instructed, soak that down with spring water. Angus didn't argue although he felt the idiot should suffer for a while before she was given any kind of first aid. She had a house, fresh air to breathe and her own bed. Taking your own life when you were free and self-sufficient was about the dumbest thing he could think of.

Angus stood by silently while Aphrodite wiped every trace of the caustic acid from the girl’s chin. Her own fingers were red as she held a hand out for the wet cloth. Thankfully the Elder’s fingers quickly returning to a normal color as she treated the fools chin. If they hadn't, Angus would have slapped the stupid bitch silly.

Why would you do such a thing? Aphrodite asked soothingly as she cupped the girl’s round face in her hands lovingly.

Just look at me, the girl said. I’m hideous. I'd be better off dead.

Can't argue with logic like that, Angus quipped with disgust.

Angus! Aphrodite scolded.

Angus nothin'! the ape shouted, startling both women. I ain't talkin' about her looks. I'm talkin' about her pathetic attitude. She's free, she has a home, and she’s obviously got a strong set of legs from carryin' that weight around. Angus was getting righteously wound up. Look at you ya bloody brat! Look at me! the ape barked a foot from her face causing her to turn white as a sheet. Look at these stupid little legs, I couldn't run if I wanted to and if you hadn't noticed, this is definitely a face for radio.

I'm sorry, the girl sniffled as Aphrodite glared at Angus.

You even have the Goddess of Love herself show up in person to save your miserable life, Angus continued quietly with a slight growl. His accent had a tendency to thicken when he was angry. Tonight you're going to start earning that favor.

The girl nodded weakly as Angus sat the big water jug on her kitchen table. Get me a spoon, Angus demanded and watched as the girl jumped away from Aphrodite to fetch the massive ape a spoon from a drawer beside the sink. After handing Angus the spoon, the girl stood quietly while Angus poured out a measure of the pear juice.

Open up girly, Angus said, as he tilted the spoon into her mouth. The girl hesitated only for a second before her shoulders slumped and she opened her mouth as instructed. She swallowed the dose and received two more spoons full of the mixture. Her face started to show the slightest tinge of pink.

Now go and make yourself pretty, Angus said, and I'll prove to you that there are none like our dear Lady here. Angus replaced the stopper in the flask and placed his hand on the small of Aphrodite's back; actually he tried to but ended up resting it on her ass instead.

Angus, Aphrodite said, you berate a suicidal girl, scare her half out of her wits and then you grope my bottom. I must say that you've come a long way from the shy ape I've known for so long.

I honestly didn't mean to do that, Angus said snatching his hand away from the goddess' bottom. He blushed furiously but managed to say, We better get Glen before that stuff kicks in.

Agreed, Aphrodite said, as she stepped them to the back alley entrance of a bar in the less desirable area of town. Glen was crouched behind a dumpster watching a couple talk. The idiot is probably hoping for a chance to play hero, Angus thought as Aphrodite placed her other hand on Glen and stepped all three of them back to Betina’s kitchen.

The girl was still in the bathroom and Angus could hear water running, which meant he had time for a little drama. It was actually fortunate that the water was running as it masked the loud sucking gasp from Glen the moment they arrived.

Ok, shit head, Angus said, take a swig of this and we'll talk. Angus handed Glen the small blue bottle but instead of taking a sip of the contents as instructed, he started babbling.

I've been trying, Glen gibbered, but every time I think I can save someone they don't need saving.

That's because not everyone on the planet is a date rapist, you turd, Angus growled. Now knock back a swig of that man juice. You will need your strength. Glen looked hopefully at the bottle in his hand and sniffed it. Angus growled and Glen quickly tipped the bottle to his lips, taking a healthy swallow. Angus said nothing as he went to the kitchen cupboard and collected two large drinking glasses with each hand. He poured water from the big jug into the glasses and handed one to Glen.

Drink up, it's just water, Angus said. Glen took a sip of the water and put the still full glass down on the table. I said drink up, Angus said, as he glared at Glen. The choking sounds as Glen tried to drink the glass full of water faster than humanly possible were actually comical.

I'd take this to your girl, Angus said, as he handed Aphrodite the other glass of spring water, but I don't know if she's dressed. Aphrodite smiled and nodded as she accepted the glass from Angus and left for the bathroom.

Ok, ass-wipe, Angus said, as he turned back to Glen, you had better be on your best behavior for the rest of the weekend. I'll pick you up tomorrow night and put you back where I found you. Angus leaned in close to Glen's face for emphasis. The Goddess of Love herself has stepped in to help you out with your first rescue. Be thankful and treat this girl like the love of your life.

What do I have to do? Glen gulped as he loosened his collar.

We want to save this girl from an accident. You have to screw her brains out all weekend to keep her in the house. Can you do that?

I'm your man! Glen said proudly, slapping his chest in a slightly wobbly fashion.

Glad to hear it, Angus said. Pull this off and you'll have a solid mark in your favor. Glen nodded enthusiastically, a goofy grin stretching across his face. If you find your strength or your stamina slipping, take a swig from this small blue bottle then drink a glass from this bottle, Angus said, indicating the two containers in turn.

Thankfully Angus was spared the dubious honor of conversing further with Glen when Aphrodite came out of the bathroom leading Betina. Whatever the goddess had done to the woman, she looked significantly more attractive. Glen stood immediately and rushed to Betina who was starting to pant with ardor.

Hello, Glen said to Betina as if he had just rescued her from a burning building, my name is Glen.

Angus checked to make sure the front door was locked as he heard the girl reply timidly, Hi, I'm Betina.

Angus faced the door with his hand over his eyes as the sloppy wet sounds of Glen and Betina kissing started to fill the room. The results of the powder were overwhelming and Angus knew things would get noisier from here. If you two get thirsty, don’t forget the water in the jug. He waved his hand desperately behind him the general direction of the jug, until he felt Aphrodite's presence beside him.

Aphrodite was giggling before she stepped them back to the Estate. Angus, Aphrodite began before Angus cut her off. I know, I'm fired, Angus said, as he realized suddenly just how far out of line he had stepped.

One should never interrupt an Elder, Aphrodite said, as she took the big ape's head in her hands and expanded to her true size. I was going to say you are absolutely delightful. The goddess leaned forward and kissed Angus on the lips. Bless you, she said, as she pulled her lips away from the stunned simian.

Angus felt the surge of godly power infuse his body and soul. It felt a bit like when Declan had shared the mantle with him but stronger and less whooshy. He never been blessed by a god before and decided that he had to share the news with someone very quickly or his head would explode.

Go find your Marion and share your adventure with her, Aphrodite said, reading the ape's thoughts in his expression as she stood and headed for the kitchen.

Angus would have to get the hem of his pants lowered by the morning but that would be a surprise. For now, he could be content with having found his place in the world.

Chapter 2

Samantha had found a wonderful dress in her closet. It wasn't as grand as the one Belinde would be wearing, but it sure as hell was sexy. She had expected Belinde and Declan to act a little coldly toward her when she arrived but they had called her over immediately. The last time she had a body with legs to carry her around, she had disdained fancy dresses. When she had worn a human body previously, she tended to cause arguments and strife wherever she went. Suddenly she was accepted and embraced instead of avoided, or coveted then avoided. This new life was strange, yet strangely appealing.

You look stunning! Belinde commented brightly as Samantha drew close. Belinde didn't take her arm from around Declan's waist as she drew Samantha in for a hug and Samantha felt both Belinde and Declan place their hands on her back as she was drawn in for the embrace.

Really? Samantha asked. You really think so?

Absolutely stunning, Declan said, as Belinde nodded encouragingly. Declan cleared his throat and gestured with his chin towards the entryway and the women turned just in time to see Angus and Marion sneak out together.

What's that all about? Samantha asked curiously.

Angus went on his second solo mission this evening, Belinde said proudly. It was a mercy mission for Aphrodite.

Go, Angus, Samantha said with a smile. Marion’s a looker, Samantha said, admiring the big ape's taste in women.

That's my boy, Declan said smugly. Angus was quite dear to Declan, especially after the gorilla had packed Declan's unconscious and healing body the length of the Estate while grievously wounded. The first invasion attack had left the unconscious adjustor healing after extensive surgery, guarded only by Smith's assistant.

No one had suspected that the invading force would have any goal other than breaching the entry point to Yggdrasil the world tree. Declan, it seemed, had also been a primary target and if it hadn't been for a four hundred pound gorilla guarding him with an automatic shotgun, Declan's first attacker would have killed him. As it was, the Cerberus that had come for Declan, had beaten Angus near unconscious. In the end, wounded by the poisonous bite of the massive creature, Angus had managed to kill it and carry Declan to safety. Surviving a number of adventures along the way, one of which was rescuing the maid Marion, Angus had finally deposited Declan safely in the Summer Suite to recuperate.

Egg, well, the dragon was a separate story. Egg was Declan's childhood fantasy come to life. The little dragon had been frozen in a semi aware and semi formed state for years as the result of a mishap caused by Athena's familiar, an owl. It had telepathically imprinted its opinion onto the dragon before the creature could be properly imprinted by a god, and become what its creator had intended. Declan's vivid imagination literally brought Egg out of his shell, and Egg became Declan's best friend, little brother, and an adjustor all in one day.

The dragon was fiercely protective of his family of adjustors. Declan had gone in to a berserker's rage killing almost a hundred of the evil Sly himself once when Egg was injured. Belinde had found herself thinking on many occasions that if the damn dragon had been given boobs, she probably would have been working as a maid in the Estate now instead of sharing The Office of the Adjustor with Declan. Of course, she thought this jokingly, at least until Smith had gone and stuck the flirtatious brain of Declan's car into a gorgeous female body named Samantha.

I just hope some of the other gods take an interest in Angus too, Belinde said, as she returned from her musing.

They will, Declan said. After the shining review Angus received from Odin tonight, they'll be lining up.

Damn it, Samantha griped. I missed that.

That's nothing, Belinde gossiped, the tone of which immediately galvanized Samantha. You should have heard the flutter when the Elder announced that Declan would be acting as Arbiter.

Samantha gasped, Declan rolled his eyes and Belinde enjoyed some type of female moment that had something to do with being the one who had delivered the juicy gossip. Women are nuts, Declan thought.

So you really are the Arbiter? Samantha asked.

Afraid so, Declan replied.

I guess I came back from the dead just in time for all the fun, Samantha said, and then paused strangely for a moment.

Is something wrong? Declan asked.

No, Samantha said with a grin, I'm just spying on Angus.

Samantha, Belinde scolded, you're such a perv.

Thank you, Samantha said with a grin. Oh, that explains a few things.

What? Belinde asked, unable to help herself; gossip is gossip after all.

Angus just grabbed the girl’s leg for a naughty little squeeze, Samantha smiled, and she just lifted his hand up to her ass. Declan couldn't help himself and started laughing.

You were right, Belinde said. Whenever he's with a woman, he can't remember how long his arms are.

I'd say that's right most of the time, Declan said with a smile.

Samantha's face had suddenly gone blank and her body stiffened. Something's wrong, she said.

What? Declan asked quickly. A few people nearby had suddenly taken interest in Samantha.

Something is after Angus in the backyard, Samantha said and tried to step but couldn't. Damn it, that's right, Samantha thought as she ran for the door, you could only step into The Hall when answering Odin's call. Otherwise, only Declan and Odin could step directly to and from The Hall.

Belinde transformed into the black mist and Declan stepped directly from The Hall. Following the adjustors in curiosity, a number of elders hurried for the stately arches to exit The Hall before stepping.

Declan was first outside, quickly followed by Odin, Belinde and Samantha. A ripple of transitioning elders followed to find Angus giggling like an idiot and playing tag with a stinking corpse that shuffled around after him, biting at the air when it drew close.

I'll end that foul thing! Thor swore as his hammer appeared in his hand.

No! Angus cried, I saw him first! The ape was giggling so badly he could barely keep ahead of the corpse.

Marion had a disgusted look on her face and was trying to breathe through her mouth. Angus, Marion scolded, get away from that nasty thing. It smells terrible!

But Honey, Angus pleaded, He loves me! Just look. The corpse followed every move the ape made as if they were attached by a string. Angus giggled like an idiot until the corpse finally caught up to him.

Declan pulled the bulldog and prepared to dismantle the corpse, but Angus simply gripped the corpse by the forehead while it flailed away at him and giggled harder.

Oh Boss, you gotta get a picture, Angus pleaded as he reached into his pocket and tossed Declan his phone. Lugh and Llyr were leaning against each other laughing, and Odin seemed to be quite entertained while watching the spectacle.

Is that a zombie? Samantha asked.

It certainly seems to be, Wellington said, as he and a wide-eyed Mullins watched with morbid fascination.

Finally capitulating with a shrug, Declan dropped the bulldog, letting it disappear, and accessed the camera feature on Angus' phone to take the requested picture of Angus and the zombie.

This sort of thing happen often 'round here? Mullins asked in general. No one answered.

Oh, wait, Angus said, do another one! The silly ape let go of the zombie and acted like a damsel in distress as the reanimated corpse shuffled towards him. Declan was shaking so badly from trying to contain his laughter after the second picture, he almost dropped the phone.

Damn, Declan complained, these things are slippery.

More, Angus cried as he crossed his arms over his chest, acting like he'd heard enough from the naughty zombie and it was bedtime. In the next frames, Angus appeared to be running for his life, and then running toward the zombie like they were long lost lovers.

Lugh and Llyr were laughing so hard that they were on the ground by this point and Bran was leaning against an amazed Wellington cackling like an idiot. Smith was propping up Andraste who was similarly stricken and Odin actually chuckled twice.

As Declan took the last picture of Angus writhing on the ground with claw-like hands, desperately cringing as the zombie advanced like the star of a cheesy black and white movie, Odin's staff appeared in the Elder's hand.

Alright, Angus, Odin said, You've had your play. Now stand back.

No! Angus wailed. Please let me keep him. Please, the ape begged.

Odin actually lowered the staff and stared at Angus in disbelief. You can't be serious? Odin asked. It is undead. I've seen the havoc they are capable of.

But, Angus pleaded, I was going to name him Scooter. Odin frowned at the explosion of laughter behind him. Please, Angus begged with the biggest puppy eyes Declan had ever seen in his life.

Awwwww, a number of the women, including Belinde and Samantha, intoned from behind the Elder of Elders. Odin turned and looked at the gathering of elders and guests behind him. Most of the guests from The Hall were now gathered outside anticipating the elder god's decision.