Mommy Can't You See..., His EYES Are Always On Me!

By Carol Fetter

This book is written in first person by a recollection of a child’s memory, based on a disturbing true story, mine.

I am sharing my story of child abuse not only to help you be aware of your own surroundings but mostly to make you pay very close attention to the children in your lives.

My goal is to make you aware of the very real monsters that are out there in our everyday lives. Make sure that you are very careful who you bring into your children’s lives. You must be there to protect them and stay involved in their lives always.

Let them know that you are on their side. Try to teach your child what is right and what is wrong Tell them that you love them and make sure they know that they can trust you enough to tell you anything. Give your child a hug and a smile at least once a day.

I have not shared my story before now. I have survived life living day to day telling myself to leave the past in the past. Maybe I was ashamed of what happened to me or maybe I was afraid to bring back all the sadness, fear, despair, and helplessness. Writing my story has been self healing, yet very frightening, because I had to relive my past as I wrote about it. During my writing process, I experienced horrible vivid nightmares.

Writing, thankfully has worked for me. The more I write; the fewer nightmares I have. I know a lot of abused people like me; have kept quiet all of their lives. I hope that this book inspires you to be brave enough to face your own demons and inspires you to write it all down. First for your own sake, and afterwards, if you choose to, share your story with others, like I finally am.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Carol Fetter
• Release date: Jul 12, 2011
• ISBN: 9781452420202

Carol Fetter

About the AuthorMy books are written from the heart.I hope by sharing my stories they will help to inspire people to be the best that they can be.I will be happy if my books touch even one lifeRegardless of your situation, it is entirely up to you how you chose to live the rest of your life.First you have to accept that if you were a victim as a child or an adult, as hard as it is, you have to let go of the hatred.You have two choices in life.Choose to be miserable and continue the cycle of abuse and ruin not only your own, but other people’s lives.ORChoose to do the exact opposite. Treat everyone with respect and kindness, just the way you wished you would have been treated.I feel like I must always be on guard, but over the years have learned to trust and love.My advice is to be very careful and selective of whom you chose to surround yourself and your loved ones with.Never ever lose your sense of humor.I start every day with a smile. First thing in the morning I smile to myself in the mirror and then I smile at everyone I meet daily. A smile is free and brings a little bit of much needed joy into life.You will be surprised how many people’s day you can make a little bit brighter just by the moment you take to share a smile.Go out and share a smile and maybe even a laugh today. You will be amazed at how happy it makes you feel inside. I love to share smiles and I love to laugh.May God Bless You All!

Book preview

Mommy Can’t You See…

His EYES Are Always On Me!

By Carol V. Fetter

Copyright 2011 by Carol V. Fetter

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author.

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Contents

1: Mom’s Nightmares

2: The Ten Commandments

3: Company

4: The Salesman

5: The Bike Shop

6: Children Are To Be Seen Not Heard

7: The Newspaper

8: The Diet

9 Thou Shall Not Kill

10: My Future Husbands

11: My Wedding Veil

12: Puppy Love

13: Proper Bath Lesson

14: The Fire Lesson

15: Thou Shall Not Steal

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16: The Payment

17: Clean Dishes

18: Root Beer

19: The Needle

20: The Tattoo

21: The Makeover

22: My Nightmares

23: The Magic Key

24: The Find

25: Accusations

26: The Proof

27: Tomorrow

28: God Forgive Me

29: The Awakening

30: The Announcement

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Mommy can’t you see…

his EYES are always on me!

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Chapter 1:

Mom’s Nightmares

Once again I’m awakened by the scary sounds of Mom’s nightmares. I lay in the dark in my bed and try to make her stop. She sounds like a pathetic whimpering and whining puppy that has been taken away from its mother before its time. She just cries and moans and gets louder and higher pitched as she continues to dream. I put the pillow over my head and try to stop the sounds of her scary dreams from reaching my ears.

I can still hear her. Why doesn’t she stop? I hate those sounds. She needs to stop. I yell from my bed, Mom, please wake up! But she doesn’t stop; she keeps going on in her scary creepy high pitched noises. She sounds like she is suffering and she will not stop making the sounds. She has nightmares all the time now and I hate it.

It is so dark and eerie in the house. I want to go wake Mom up, but I am afraid to get out from under my covers. I lay in bed until I can’t take it anymore. I finally get brave enough to get out of my bed. It is so dark I can’t even see where I am going. I start to reach to see if I can feel a wall or a door. I find my door and know that my light switch is just off to the left of my door. I feel for the switch and turn my light on. It is never as scary when the lights are on.

I take a deep breath and I slowly go down the hall toward Mom’s bedroom. The closer I get to her room, the louder the sounds of her nightmares are getting. I am standing in her doorway and I am watching her tossing and turning. She looks like she is trying to get away from someone, but no one is there. I yell at her again and ask her to stop.

Mom continues to make the noises. I want her to stop now, I yell please Mom wake up! I am so afraid of those sounds and afraid of Mom when she is making those sounds. She doesn’t look anything like herself anymore. She never gets out of bed, she never combs her hair, she never wears make up, she never smiles, she just looks so sad and tired.

I can’t wake her up by yelling at her so I slowly walk up to her. Why can’t she hear me? Why doesn’t she wake up? I go up to her and touch her to try to make her wake up. As soon as I touch her, she sits up and looks right at me and starts to scream at me. She doesn’t look like my Mom, I scream at the same time that she is screaming at me because she doesn’t look like herself and she is really scaring me. We are now both screaming at each other.

She grabs me by both of my arms and frightfully tells me that someone is trying to kill her with a pair of scissors. She asks me, where is your father? I know that she knows that Dad is not here. She wants to know why he is not here to protect her. I tell her that no one is in the room with her but me. I try to convince her that no one is here trying to kill you with a pair of scissors. This is just another nightmare.

I tell Mom that you know that dad is not here. You know that he has left. You know that he is not coming back. Mom, please stop dreaming and screaming, you are scaring me so bad! There is someone here with scissors, she yells. I yell back at her, No, there is no one here but you and me. Please stop, I beg her.

I go to the wall and turn the light switch to on and show here that it is just her and I. I say to her, It’s just us Mom, Dad is gone and there is no one here with scissors trying to kill you. I go to her bed and sit down beside her. I want to cry because she scares me so bad. After a while, Mom finally is quiet and calm, thank you God, I say.

Mom tells me that she is sorry that she scares me. She reaches above her head and I can tell she is trying to find something. She then reaches over to her bed stand and feels and finds a bottle. She grabs the bottle and I can hear the pills rattling inside. She sits up and opens the bottle. She shakes two pills out into her hand and then puts them in her mouth. She swallows the pills without even taking a drink of water and lays back down to go to sleep. She tells me to go back to my bed now.

Why does this keep happening? I walk back the hall to my bedroom. The house is so quiet now. I crawl into my bed and get back under my covers. I lay there and try to go to sleep. As I lay there I keep asking; why did Dad have to leave? Mom never had nightmares when he was here and I was never scared when he was here.

I pray to the ceramic plaque of Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus that hangs on my wall every night. Please make Dad come back; I hate being scared all the time at night. I hate that Mom has nightmares. I hate that she keeps me up all night with her stupid scary sounds from her nightmares. I hate that she will not get out of bed during the day. I hate that she will not talk to me. I hate that she will not eat with me, I hate that she will not smile. I hate that she will not comb her hair, I hate the she is so sad, and I hate that she hates me.

It’s so dark and so quiet. I am so tired and try so hard to go to sleep. I am almost asleep when I am startled by a tapping noise. Oh God, What is that? Is someone trying to get into our house? What is that noise? I lay there and quickly hide my head under the covers; I tell myself they will go away, I know they will. Please go away.

The tapping continues. I ask myself, oh, where is Dad to take care of this. I find myself afraid again and I yell for Mom. As usual she does not respond. I slowly lift my head from underneath the covers just enough to let my ears out. I listen very carefully to hear where the noise is coming from. I’m not sure where it is coming from, but I can tell that it’s very close.

As I continue to listen, I can tell the sounds are coming from across the hall, I think they are coming from the bathroom. The tapping continues and Mom has not responded. I know that Dad is not here to take care of this.

I am so scared but I know I have to see for myself what is going on. I’m always scared at night. Why won’t the tapping noise stop so I can just go to sleep? I very slowly get out of bed again and head towards the tapping noise. I can’t see because it is so dark and I’m trying hard to not make any noise when I breathe or when I move. I don’t want to turn any lights on because I don’t want whatever is making that noise to see or hear me. I feel for the walls and slowly creep over to the bathroom very carefully. The tapping is getting louder and louder. My heart is starting to race and I am so afraid.

I take a deep breath to try to calm myself down as I walk into the bathroom. The tapping continues,