The Angel Within

By Julie Rentsch

Janet Tucker was smart woman, married with two beautiful children but she made a stupid mistake. A mistake that cost her everything. A mistake that she was compelled to tell her husband Mark. Mark had forgiven her but vowed never to forget. Now the tables have turned and Janet finds herself alone and afraid. She is not sure if she should save her marriage or run away. She found the strength to live through the misery and fight for her marriage with the help of an unconventional friend, the angel within. The angel helps her get through death, life changing injuries, and betrayal until she finds the one thing she lost.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Julie Rentsch
• Release date: Apr 6, 2011
• ISBN: 9781458036438

Julie Rentsch

Julie Rentsch resides in Minneapolis, Mn. She enjoys spending time with her 3 daughters and 4 grandchildren. Her idols are Oprah for letting us know to live your best life. Judge Mathis for being entertaining and letting us know there are rules to follow. She believes all you need is love but acknowledgment is nice too. Her favorite quote is: some people dream of accomplishments, others stay awake and do them.

Book preview

Part I - Mother

When you are 20, you don’t think about it much at all. It’s just fun. When your 30, you think what the hell happened? Who am I?

Chapter 1 – Christmas Angel

I hate my life, Janet blew her cigarette smoke hard against the windshield. If I had any balls at all, I would keep driving on to Minnesota. She looked in the rearview mirror. Her emerald green eyes stared back at her, the black eyeliner looked to heavy. She wiped her eyes and got make up under her finger. Damn, she said to herself, now my nails look dirty. She sucked on her fingers to remove the makeup out from underneath her nails. She popped a Turtles tape in the cassette player. She sang loudly along with the song So Happy Together, singing made her feel better but this time the tears flowed like a river, dripping from her chin. Driving to Indianapolis for the holidays, Janet chain smoked cigarettes trying to calm her nerves. She felt timid going to her in laws alone. Going alone, she had to be on guard. She always was with her husband when they came to visit and she easily hid behind his shadow. She didn’t feel she belonged, they were nice to her, but she felt like she was a hillbilly in their mansion. She wished she had washed her winter jacket before she left and she hoped they wouldn’t notice the mess in her car.

Janet Tucker always felt powerful in her own home, she made all the decisions, right or wrong, it didn’t matter, she was the queen bee. She was angry when her husband Mark suggested to his mom that Janet and the girls come for Christmas since he will be gone to Germany all ready. The girls squealed with delight. They loved being with their Gramma Kissyface and Grampa Pinocchio as they nick-named them. But Janet didn’t want to come. She wanted to hide away and lick her wounds. Mark already committed her to come and she didn’t want to let down her girls. Besides it was only a 3 hour commute from Fort Knox. Her family lived in Minnesota, too far away to drive on her own and since her parents had passed away, her siblings spent the holidays with their own spouses and children.

Janet opened her window slightly as she smoked her cigarette. She looked into the rearview mirror again and checked on her girls in the backseat. Her two little cherubs slept with their little mouths open and she knew she couldn’t disappoint them. Car rides were a natural tranquilizer for them, falling asleep immediately no matter how excited they were going to their grandparent’s home. She smiled at how they looked like twins, each had a cute pixie hair cut that Janet got them a few days before. Christina’s dark brown hair and green eyes differentiated her from Ashley’s light blond hair set against her striking blue eyes. They were the same height even though they were a year apart in age. Other than the color of their hair and eyes, they looked exactly the same. People often said they were the spitting image of their mother until they saw their father then they would say they were the spitting image of him. Christina and Ashley had Janet’s eye shape and forehead and Mark’s lips and chin. Christina’s eyes were the same dark green as Janet’s and Ashley got her father’s deep blue eyes.

Janet always felt blessed their children were so beautiful, as vain as that sounded, she knew good looks could get you a lot farther in life. Janet was very pretty but she never learned how to be beautiful, pretty was natural, beautiful took time, energy and money, none of which she had enough off.

She always worked hard on being the center of attention all her life, she didn’t think she was pretty enough, so she worked hard at being charming. She liked being right, right to a fault, she would even argue to prove she was right, and when she was wrong, she never would admit it. She had a biting sense of humor, intelligent, but very sarcastic. She had little sense of fashion, she always felt awkward in clothes and had no idea how to accessorize. She didn’t worry about these silly things when she was in the Army. She wore a uniform which she was happy to do. But when she got out, she enlisted the help of her mother in law to get appropriate civilian attire, which Margaret loved doing, but Janet found fashion a bore. She knew she had to have the right type of clothing to belong in the business world, but once she started working in the civilian world, the clothes were not something she cared about. She thought her image was fine because she was doing an exceptional well at her job. Mark had bought most of her clothing and a friend at work gave her clothes.

She tried one time wearing a scarf as an accessory but became so obsessed that everyone was staring at her, she removed the scarf. Mark would buy her fashion magazines to look at, but Janet was a hopeless case, she enjoyed reading murder mysteries and love stories in a t shirt and sweatpants. She rather play with the girls outside than clean house, but to keep Mark happy, she kept the house tidy enough to ward off his complaints.

She passed Seymour, Indiana, halfway to Indianapolis. She giggled to herself remembering the time she remarked to Mark one time she would like to see less Indiana but Mark didn’t understand her play on words, her humor was lost on him. There was one huge house off highway 70 in Seymour that Mark said belong to singer John Melencamp. The house was a mansion in the middle of nowhere but it had a pond and one large weeping willow tree. It was out of place among the farms and silos that dotted the landscape. Mark thought it would be great to have a home like that, but Janet just thought it would be a lot of cleaning that she didn’t want to do. Mark had dreams of being marveled at, admired by many. Janet had dreams of being noticed.

She continued down the salt ridden highway to the home of her in laws. She worried that the gifts she bought for them were not good enough for them. Every year she struggled to figure out what to give people who had everything. Margaret loved gardening, so Janet made a bucket of dried flowers and painted a picture of the girls on the pail to her wishing Gramma Kissyface a Merry Christmas, and stickers for Dale so the girls could plant them on him while he took a nap, which was one of their favorite activities. She took the girls to a photographer and framed a picture of them. The picture turned out exceptional but Janet didn’t know if they would be upset that Mark was not in the picture. She decided that personal gifts were better and they had never taken a family picture together. Money was tight since Mark left. She didn’t get many gifts for the girls and she complained to Mark about it. He didn’t help her financially claiming that things were expensive in Germany.

Janet arrived on Christmas Eve day to Dale and Margaret’s house. She felt her stomach flutter as she arrived to their home which was actually two condominiums combined to make one great big house. It wasn’t a mansion but quite spacious. If you didn’t know the exclusive area they lived, you would have just considered them to be middle class people. Their home had five bedrooms and 6 bathrooms. They made one side of the condo the formal living area and the other informal in which most everyone spent their time. The house had white carpeting throughout so Janet made sure the girls only drank juice in the kitchen. She was afraid the girls would damage something.

Dale and Margaret were really down to earth people but still Janet seemed to hold her breath throughout her stay. Dale and Margaret welcomed Janet into their family with open arms, but Janet always felt she wasn’t quite worthy enough. She had lied when asked about her upbringing. She was evasive and vague how tough things were. She had a happy childhood, they were grateful for what they had but was embarrassed to let anyone know how poor they were. This was why she was uncomfortable around them. Janet’s large catholic family never had a penny extra and she never had treasures that she would be afraid that would become broken by a child’s careless horse play. Her in law’s house was comfortable but extremely clean. She scolded her girls when they would stand in front of the wall of mirrors making faces because she didn’t want them to leave fingerprints.

Margaret was a woman that Janet envied. She could cook like Martha Stewart, cleaned like a maid, and was a fashion expert. She enjoyed watching the home shopping networks on TV. Dale would tease her about having an affair with the UPS man as he made his daily drop offs. Dale enjoyed spoiling Margaret. Dale was a big belly man who always had a smile and financial advice to give. He loved his scotch as much as he loved his wife. He reminded Janet of her own father, down to earth, a quiet loving man. Dale loved convertible Cadillacs and had a garage filled with them. Dale bought and sold stocks that did him well over the years. They both loved buying silver and thought gold was overpriced and overrated. They enjoyed traveling around the world and had a vacation home in Acapulco. They were not snobby people even with all the money they appeared to have.

Janet rang the doorbell when they arrived, the girls were hopping with excitement. They stepped inside the foyer. Margaret told them to wait, the girls already knew the drill. They sat down took off their shoes and coats and waited while Gramma Kissyface put away the guns in the safe. When she returned she hugged them all and invited the girls to make cookies for Santa coming. She told Janet the Kuhlua was in its usual place to help herself. Margaret grabbed a beer and they chatted into the night. Dale came home with an armful of gifts and followed by Mickey, Mark’s older sister.

Mickey adored her nieces and played with them endlessly. Mickey was the polar opposite of Mark. She was fat, very intelligent, majored in astronomy, very lazy, giggled incessantly, and annoyed the crap out of Mark. Janet liked her immediately and always defended her to Mark’s rude remarks.

Mark and Mickey were both adopted as toddlers from two different families, Mickey adapted well to her new parents but Mark had come from a foster home and had a hard time adjusting. Mickey adored Dale and Mark was closer with Margaret. Mark said he never really liked his sister and Janet was mortified by the remark. Janet loved her brothers and sisters and loved being around them. Janet started to relax some with Mickey being in the house and though Mickey teased Janet that Mark was an asshole and she didn’t understand how she could stand being married to him, Janet kept her guard up and would not divulged what she was going through with Mark.

They ate dinner and Margaret told the girls about Santa bringing them gifts if they were good girls. Ashley and Christina had impeccable manners, Mark trained them well. The girls went off to bed excited about Santa coming. Margaret asked Janet how she was doing since Mark went to Germany. She only replied that it was difficult. Janet felt suddenly lonely. She slugged down her third Kuhlua and milk drink and excused herself to go outside and smoke. She couldn’t tell if it was the cold of the night, the drink, or her desperation that made her feel numb. She went inside and forced herself to watch a Christmas show on TV. Finally she said was exhausted and headed off to bed. She laid on the guest bed, silently crying. She woke early in the morning, staring at the clock as the tears fell endlessly down her face. She wiped her eyes and tried to hold it together, she knew the girls would wake soon and she certainly wasn’t going to ruin her girls Christmas fun.

The girls awoke to find a living room filled with gifts. They had to eat their breakfast before they started their Christmas extravaganza, Janet never seen them scarf down their breakfast so fast. They sat anxiously waiting to get the show on the road. They were told they had to wait for Mickey to come down first. The girls went to wake her. Their excitement could no longer wait. Finally the girls got their way and they tore into each present. It was quite different than when Janet was a little girl, each child got one gift and each waited patiently and enjoyed watching each child open their gift. This was chaos. Christmas ribbons and paper were everywhere and camera flashes were non stop. Janet watched the girls squeal with delight and yet dreaded that Dale and Margaret would not like their gifts but everyone seemed to ooh and aah. Janet was relieved.

When the phone rang later that Christmas morning, Janet felt her heart drop. She knew it was her husband calling from Germany. She stared at her coffee mug, stirring it carefully, breathing slowly. Hold on, keep it together. She whispered to herself. She could hear her Margaret talking to him cheerily. Merry Christmas Mark! We sure do miss you! she said. We had a great Christmas, the girls are all running around playing with their new toys. She rambled on, how was your Christmas sweetheart? Janet listened closely to see if she could guess his answer. Well that sounds like fun. Not the answer Janet wanted to hear, she could just imagine what he was doing. Her mother-in-law chattered on about what lovely gifts Dale had given her, and that they sent his Christmas money, and how awful it was for the Army to send him so far away especially during this time of the season. Finally she asked Janet if she wanted to speak to Mark.

Janet took a deep gulp of her coffee and nodded, afraid her voice would crack if she answered her. Hello, Janet said carefully, gulping air and blinking to avoid the tears. She stared hard at the crystals tear drops hanging from the lamp shade of the ridiculous gaudy lamp. She fiddled nervously twisting the telephone cord around her fingers.

Hi, Mark paused, How was your Christmas?

Ok, keep it neutral she thought to herself, the girls got a lot of toys and they are having a great time.

Yeah, Mom told me. Mark said. There was a long pause. Well, I better go now because it’s long distance.

Janet ignored his statement, How was your Christmas? So you got 5000 dollars and you couldn’t give me a penny, she thought bitterly.

I gotta go now, its long distance.

Ok. Umm, I love you, Janet said. She heard him sigh. Dead silence. Do you love me? she pleaded regretting the words that just came out.

It’s over Janet. Just stop it. Ok, Mark said, I gotta go, tell my girls I love them. He slammed down the phone. Janet felt her heart explode into tiny little pieces. Janet could see Margaret out of the corner of her eye. She was too embarrassed to let Margaret know that her loving son cruelly hung up on her. She pretended she was still on the phone with Mark. She kept talking into the phone as she listened to the dead line. Ok, I will, she said, I love you too. Bye-bye, I will. All right, bye. Janet untangled her fingers and laid the phone down softly. She felt tears sting her eyes.

Oh Dear, it must be hard for you with Mark so far away on Christmas, Margaret hugged Janet gently.

A tear fell down Janet’s face. I need to go outside for a minute. Janet pulled away from Margaret quickly.

Take your time, I will stay here and play with my grandkids. Margaret was so kind and loving but she had no idea what Janet was really going through.

Janet walked outside. The frigid air took her breath away, the snow crunched under her feet, but the tears rolling down her cheeks seem to burn her. She wiped away the tears and walked down to the big