LEWD: The Bawdy Best of Robert Burns

By Robert Burns (Translated by Brooke Donny)

Scotland's celebrated national poet, Robert Burns, was born on January 25, 1759 and died in 1796 at the tender age of 37. In between those dates he did a ton of loving. He also wrote a lot of poetry and songs about it, some of which were never intended for public consumption. From his secret collection here are 37 of his bawdiest, including old favorites like "The Fornicator" and "No hair On It".

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fifth Column Press
• Release date: Aug 16, 2009
• ISBN: 9781452320014

Robert Burns (Translated by Brooke Donny)

WINE, WOMEN AND SONGRobert Burns: A Brief BiographyNicknamed the "Ploughman’s Poet" or the "Bard of Aryshire" or, most commonly today, simply the "Bard," Robert Burns was born in rural poverty on January 25, 1759, in Alloway, South Aryshire, Scotland. The eldest of seven children, he spent his formative years there attempting, without success, to manage his father’s farm, an activity that ultimately broke his constitution, but, fortunately, not his spirits.A self-educated man, Burns published his first collection of poems, "Poems Chiefly in the Scottish Dialect", in 1786, a few years after his father’s death. The release of the "Kilmarnock Volume", as it came to be known, made him an instant celebrity in Scotland and thereafter, heralded as a leading pioneer of the Romantic Movement in literature, his popularity quickly spread worldwide.A renowned philanderer in his time and as famous for his numerous love affairs and illegitimate offspring as he was for his prose, Burns did, at least once, actually marry, taking young Jean Armour for his bride and fathering a total of nine children with her, only three of which were to survive infancy. He is also rumored to have wed his paramour, Mary Campbell, when his first marriage began to sour. If that is so, it was a very brief union, as Mary Campbell died suddenly of fever, shortly after the two ran off together.His physique greatly compromised from those early years of hard manual labor, it is believed that Burns suffered from a rheumatic heart condition, a grave diagnosis which the poet, undoubtedly, only aggravated, with his penchant for alcohol and an otherwise sordidly self-indulgent lifestyle. Still only in his prime, Burns inevitably succumbed to this disease and, by his middle thirties, his overall health had begun to rapidly deteriorate. In the spring of 1796, he was an old man already, on his deathbed...Robert Burns, died on July 21, 1796, at the age of thirty-seven. Both this date and his birthday have been celebrated annually in every corner of the world, since then. And his most famous song, "Auld Lang Syne", is sung every New Year.

Book preview

FOREWORD ………..……………………

POET’S INTRO.…..………..…….………

POEMS & LYRICS :

Nine Inch Will Please a Lady

How Can I Keep My Maidenhead?

John Anderson, My Jo, John

Duncan Davison

As I Came O’er The Cairney Mount

The Fornicator

The Patriarch

There Was Two Wives

The Case of Conscience

The Trogger

Epitaph for Hugh Logan Esq., of Laight

Epitaph for John Brown

Eppie McNab

Dainty Davie

A Masonic Song

Am I to Blame She Bade Me?

Supper is Not Ready

She Rose and Let Me In

My Own Kind Deary

Our John’s Broke Last Evening

The Devil Damn This Cunt O’ Mine

Madgie Came To My Bed-Stock

Know Ye What My Mother Did?

Here’s His Health in Water

The Cooper of Dundee

Ellibanks

Tweedmouth Town

Our Goodwife’s So Modest

The Jolly Gauger

Put Butter In My Donald’s Oats

She’s Thrown Me Out of Lauderdale

The Ploughman

No Hair On It

Poor Bodies Do Nothing But Mow

Give the Lass Her Fairin’

Would Ye Do That?

Prose-Work and Rhymes

WINE, WOMEN AND SONG

Robert Burns: A Brief Biography

Nicknamed the Ploughman’s Poet or the Bard of Aryshire or, most commonly today, simply the Bard, Robert Burns was born in rural poverty on January 25, 1759, in Alloway, South Aryshire, Scotland. The eldest of seven children, he spent his formative years there attempting, without success, to manage his father’s farm, an activity that ultimately broke his constitution, but, fortunately, not his spirits.

A self-educated man, Burns published his first collection of poems, Poems Chiefly in the Scottish Dialect, in 1786, a few years after his father’s death. The release of the Kilmarnock Volume, as it came to be known, made him an instant celebrity in Scotland and thereafter, heralded as a leading pioneer of the Romantic Movement in literature, his popularity quickly spread worldwide.

A renowned philanderer in his time and as famous for his numerous love affairs and illegitimate offspring as he was for his prose, Burns did, at least once, actually marry, taking young Jean Armour for his bride and fathering a total of nine children with her, only three of which were to survive infancy. He is also rumored to have