Personals

By Dave Preston

It's the hardest thing you ever have to write: a description of yourself that will sell your heart and soul,(and often, more importantly, your body) to the perfect partner.
Personals follows the heartbreaking, heartwarming stories of seven people in search of friendship, affection, acceptance, and usually... sex.
Sometimes, desperate to close that "sale" of our most precious commodity, we stoop to lying, cheating, and adopting the imaginary persona of someone we think is irresistible.

These seven characters try so hard to find love, and some end up settling for companionship. Whatever their individual outcomes, these people become survivors, their lives forever changed after battling their way through the cruel yet hopeful jungle of Personals.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dave Preston
• Release date: Aug 8, 2013
• ISBN: 9780969954057

Dave Preston

Dave Preston is a writer and musician, born in North Yorkshire where he lived on a farm and was raised by a mother who worries too much. After studying agriculture, engineering, and computer science he leapt across the ocean to live and work in Canada.He is the author of five books (and contributor to several others) and four plays, as well as hundreds of newspaper and magazine articles and columns. He's an award-winning brewer and winemaker, and also admits to writing poetry.Weekends often find him playing guitar and singing in a rock and roll band (though his mother worries that he's getting too old for all this, and his knees often agree).He lives on Vancouver Island, BC, with too much garden, and almost too many dogs.

Book preview

Personals

A play by Dave Preston

Published by White Rose Content at Smashwords

A Division of White Rose Consulting, Inc.

© 2018 Dave Preston

ISBN 978-0-9699540-5-7

Discover other titles by Dave Preston at Smashwords.com

The author and publisher disclaim any liability in

connection with the dissemination of this work.

Personals

© Dave Preston 2018

Seven urban characters enter the world of voice personal ads,

with varying degrees of commitment and success.

Characters:

SARAH – woman, early thirties

KEVIN – (voice only) - man, mid-twenties

JEAN – (voice only) – woman, forties

BILL – man, middleaged

JULIE – (voice only) – woman, forties

LOIS – woman, mid-fifties

KIRK – man, early thirties

The setting is various urban household and

office interiors of any North American city.

SCENE 1

[BLACKOUT – SFX: taped phone voices & intro to voice personals, builds into a cacophony then cross fades to ROY ORBISON's ONLY THE LONELY, fade after 15 seconds...lights up, on SARAH, sitting alone in her modest kitchen, dialling her phone]

SARAH: Hi, Lin? Sarah. Hi... oh it was quiet, and yours? Great. Yeah, really. Oh, not much, just sitting around the place as usual, pressing the dimples out of my thighs...

David? No! I only saw him the once, that night we ran into you and Jim at Sweets. You don't wanna know. I mean it, god he was awful. You know those Bali gods with the arms all over the place, he was worse... It was like being given CPR from a whole rugby team.

Peter? No, I can't. I think a lot about Peter, but not as much as he does... Yep, all on my ownsome, again. Actually, I er, was thinking about... now Lin, promise you won't laugh? I'm thinking of running an ad... You know, a personal ad, in the newspaper classifieds. Well why not?... I dunno, Cuddly female, house trained, free to good home. What's that? Loves kids, yeah, really.

So? You think I'm nuts, right? Well if something doesn't work out soon I'm going off men for ever. So what d'ya think I should say? About me, stupid! Desperately seeking Attila, right... My age! Do you think that matters? Shit! I don't