The Windowless Hut

By Scott Kraemer

Erasmus is a pirate looking to change the government and himself as well. Mary and Ann are pirate captains looking to gain more tangible power. Verklompen is a creature that does not belong in their world. Bringo is simultaneously sane and insane. Can these people work together for the good of all the citizens of the countries of Ranas and Voorn?
This is a story of pirates who try to become respectable, but who try to become politicians in the process. It is fantasy without the ubiquitous dwarves, dragons, and orcs. It has cross-dressing, medical experimentation, and even love. It also has a narrator who has a problem staying out of the way.
The Windowless Hut is not the next Great American Novel, but you will get to see pirates change their ways, maybe.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Scott Kraemer
• Release date: Jul 3, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301824069

Scott Kraemer

English instructor at Kellogg CC in Battle Creek, MI. It has taken eight and a half years to write and edit The Windowless Hut, and it is the first in a three part series.

Book preview

The Windowless Hut

Written and Published by Scott Kraemer at Smashwords

Cover Illustration by John McNees

Copyright 2013 Scott Kraemer

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. It’s actually quite cheap. Thank you for respecting the author.

Table of Contents

-1 Year 497; 18 Years in the Past

1 Bringo’s Journal – Year 515, Day 62

2 Bringo’s Journal – Year 515, Still Day 62

3 Pirates are Never Your Friends

4 Bringo’s Journal – Year 515, Day 63

4.1 Bringo Becomes One of Them

5 The Inevitable Aneurysm

6 The Father Figurehead

7 Jaguars and a Jam

8 Badger Befriends Beauty

9 Bringo’s Journal – Year 515, Day 66

10 Gaining Confidence

11 Not Old, but Oal

12 Gaining the Troopers

Negative 12

13 Promise Me You Will Question Me

14 Sturdy Like a Boulder

15 Nepotism

16 The Revelation

17 Just Kill Him Already

18 Bringo’s Journal – Year 515, Day 69

18 and two thirds Make Your Peace, Feeble Petunia

18 Finale

19 Get on Board… Please?

20 The Real Bringo

21 Bringo's Real Journal – Year 515, Day 70

22 Bringo's Real Journal – Year 515, Day 71

23 The Leniency Pact

24 Bringo's Real Journal – Year 515, Still Day 71

25 Before Bringo Went to the Oracle

26 Collision of Countenances

27 Trialogues

28 Bringo's Real Journal - Year 515, Day 72

29 A and E

30 Scumdog Prophet

31 A Report from the City Council of Avorko

31.5 From Report to Narrator

32 Bringo's Journal - Post Sickness Year 515, Day 73

33 After Another Disgusting Meal – but Without Food Sickness…

34 From Bringo’s Journal – Side Notes (Winning, Losing, and Being Neutralized)

35 Hatred Grows Like Weeds

36 From Bringo’s Journal – Side Notes (Audiences with Pleasure)

37 Bringo's Journal - Year 515, Day 98

38 Belief in a Cure

39 Fred, or, 89 Days Later

40 Just Give Up

41 Back in Avorko 10 Days Later, Day 198

42 Another 10 Days Later, Day 208

42 again The Ultimate, Superb, Thirst Appeasing Debate

41.5 As Told by Frustration Itself

43 Fast Acting and Slow Thinking

44 Penultimate Distraction

45 Bringo’s Real Journal – Year 516, Day 1

46 Unscripted Speeches are Meant to Awaken the Senses

47 Bringo's Real Journal – Year 516, Later on Day 1

The Windowless Hut

by Scott Kraemer

-1. Year 497; 18 Years in the Past

It was a ramshackle shack where he ate his snack, but even as a 6 year old, Bringo knew he would never go back. The house was only ten by ten and six feet high. Also, it had no windows, leaked with rain regularly, and had to be fixed every week.

In his world, electricity was a rarity as it was only just discovered. Only the rich could afford to have it in any large quantity. Instead, fire was the most important aspect of survival, and horses were the number one means of travel. There was no internet, no phones, no cameras, and no real technology. The only technology of any value were guitars hooked up to non-electric amplifiers. Magic and modern medicine were still considered one in the same, and practicing either of them was punishable by limb removal. There were no redeeming factors.

He stared at the run-down structure and thought, Yick. I hate this. Little Bringo wasn't the first person to have that thought about that abode; however, he would be the last.

He lived with both his mother and father, but only accepted his mother as a parent. He became unnaturally interested in getting education, especially martial arts education, and was quite the historian of many things to do with martial arts and warfare. More importantly, he had one grand flaw... he wrote in the third person.

0. Also, Narrators Like to Interrupt

1. Bringo's Journal - Year 515, Day 62

As he ate a pastrami and ham on whole grain at the Three Horse Shoes Inn, Bringo looked at his sandwich as if it were alive. Most people assume the Three Horse Shoes Inn was named after 3 horseshoes that the owner collected for good luck, but the truth is that the owner had a horse whose leg fell off. As for the sandwich, there were about 8 green olive eyes and two kinds of meat that served as the mouth. He imagined the sandwich saying, Are you seriously staring at me? It was the only thing he could do to deal with the boredom of employment. Then again, to Bringo Zenkins, being a bounty hunter was either masochistically exciting or masochistically dull.

After his first and only successful mission, Bringo had been sitting around for 3 weeks. Snatching 20,000 nara worth of diamonds could make anyone apathetically melancholy. Nara, by the way, is a fake monetary unit like the euro or the dollar. He found no need to get out and try to get any more bounties any time soon.

Granted, Bringo Zenkins was not a diamond thief by any means. The job he previously held lay in stark contrast to his present one. Bringo was a member of the security team for the heavy metal band Polytheistic Clench. He and the lead singer Phil were close friends, though Bringo could never play an instrument. He still wanted to stay close to Phil and the band, so the way Bringo stayed around was in his feet.

Bringo created his own style of martial arts by watching martial arts matches in the nearby city. He had also seen many boxing matches in his hometown of Salazar in East Cereform. The people in his hometown had also seen him. Some were impressed, most were not. Those few who were impressed gave him a nickname – Ostrich.

He didn’t care one way or another about his nickname as Bringo wasn’t about to deny that his style was like that of a large flightless bird. Sometimes though, a member of the crowd seemed to think he could fly. Obviously men can’t fly, but Bringo uses a move that looks like he’s about to fall head first into the ground, very ostrich-like, and then finishes off his opponent in any number of ways. Some of those finishing moves resulted in either a broken leg or neck, though most times the opponent is just left gasping for breath.

Most spectators just thought he was lucky (or a magician), but others argued that Bringo’s luck was an extension of skill and greatness. Bringo was not an illusionist, nor was he lucky. He simply made his opponents look slow or fat. Granted, some were slow and fat.

One other note is that he had never fought against a professional athlete. Then again, only 2 defeats in 863 matches was more than successful; it was outright criminal.

Bringo had also been curiously selfish about telling the secrets regarding his style. He never liked others to watch him practice or to learn any of his moves. As a scholar is with his studies, Bringo was to his art. His independent selfishness had many redeeming qualities, but…

Jasper Zenkins, I presume. He also hates to be interrupted.

Bringo looked up from his sandwich without turning his head and glanced at the voice. He wasn’t quite sure why that voice called him Jasper, but a faint feeling of resentment flashed through his mind. This was not a person who let possessions go easily. How could you know? Bringo did not ask quietly to detract attention; he always spoke with a powerful yet soft demeanor.

The stranger seemed to forget about the diamonds, and calmly sat at the bar alongside Bringo. More experienced lunatics have tried plundering my booty, and they were much less successful than you. In fact, you are the only one who has ever stayed hidden from me for this long. How would you feel about joining my crew instead of moping about in my eatery? It’s the most I could do, considering I’d normally kill you.

Bringo scowled at the contrasting saddles and rudders that covered the walls and answered with petulance, I don’t know you. For that matter, how did you learn of me?

My partner and I have better connections than most.

Total silence. Bringo didn’t get his answer, and the stranger wasn’t about to divulge any more information than needed.

At that time, the barkeep had become diminutive, trying to be noticed as little as possible while keeping up with his duties. He asked almost in a whisper, What can I get fer ya?

I’ll get my own thanks. The stranger walked confidently around the bar to pour a whiskey flat.

Bringo, realizing how much trouble he was in, got up and started to walk toward the crudely painted horse heads on the door. Even as a knife was flung through the air, past his head, and into the door, he didn’t bother to look or act like he cared. He simply pushed the door open and walked three steps before the voice called to him from inside. Just you hold on. You rob me and then you walk away? I doubt this is the end.

I do too, woman. With that, Bringo began his cocky stride.

Astounded, the stranger leaped from the saddle-shaped bar stool and tried to compose herself as hastily as she could manage. With a fierce scowl and a growl which seemed to come from a gurgling volcano, the stranger asked, How? How could you possibly believe that I am a woman?

Bringo turned around to look the stranger straight in the eyes. If you dress like a man, you ought to try to have some semblance of facial hair. Then, the whiskey flat exposed you completely. You try too hard, and not hard enough. Bringo’s expression never changed, and his calm stony glare could have given an ice cube the chills. He knew the danger that was all around him, but he also knew that going on the offensive was better than whimpering like a sheep before its last shearing. It takes an expert to make simple creations into wondrous art. You just haven’t perfected the craft yet.

You are a much more perceptive man than I gave you credit for. You obviously don’t steal for a living, so what do you do? Clenching her fists was all she could do in hopes that he would stop looking at her as if she was the thief.

He didn’t blink before he gave her a horribly wry smile. I’m the king of you. Without any warning, Bringo turned around and began walking down the street. The words resonated in the bar with a seemingly unending echo. Everyone stared at her to see what she would do. He also waited for a reaction, but all he heard was a loud click as if she had physically grabbed her chin and clamped her teeth together with a loud click.

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2. Bringo’s Journal – Year 515, Still Day 62

As he walked down a busy street in Romulan’s Blue District in the country of Miale, Bringo reached into his pocket full of gems. He thought to himself sarcastically, ‘Isn’t this wonderful.’ It seemed that he fit into the felon category at that moment, but he didn’t mind. For some reason, the blueness of the buildings was as soothing to him as the seal trinket around his neck.

In the next moment, a suspicious figure appeared from the rounded door of a two-story brick blue building and stopped in Bringo’s path. Dressed in a billowy red shirt and baggy black trousers, the stranger stood in front of Bringo. It wasn't a very tall person, but it was a person who exuded the confidence of a mother over her son. Bringo sidestepped, but the stranger had no intention of letting him pass. He bumped into the stranger, took a step back, and then took a calming breath.

The stranger took a half step forward to get into Bringo’s face. Why did you steal our diamonds?

I thought this was over. You must be the pirate woman’s partner then.

Unfazed, the second stranger turned into a peacock of sorts. Still, the stranger was not quite eye level with Bringo; there were about one hand width of space between Bringo and the peacock. And you know too much to be a common thief.

Very well. I'm Bringo. I was a bouncer and have recently tried my hand at bounty hunting. Unfortunately, my brain has not been stimulated properly by either occupation. You are correct that I am not a common thief. I am also not one for idle talk.

Because few people reside in a town such as Romulan, quibbles in the street attracted much attention. Bringo and the stranger stared at each other for a time. Bringo’s eyes were unwavering. Ultimately, the stranger reached for a sword… lightning.

They moved faster than cheetahs at a dead sprint. Most people could hardly think as fast as those two were moving. The onlookers stared in awe at the spectacle. It was as if a volcano was forming directly below the combatants, and no one was conscious enough to realize the danger. Bringo’s movements made the stranger’s sword slashes look a tad too slow. Block, dodge, block, block. Finally, boot met metal and the two fighters ricocheted off of one another. The sounds of steel and iron rang through the maze of buildings with lucidity. Only physical fighting made sense in that moment.

At a brief standstill, Bringo realized that he had forgotten about the diamonds he placed on the ground. The pirate woman must have stolen them when I wasn’t looking.

Bringo stood upright and bowed curtly yet with a flourish. You are very skilled, but you have already died twice.

The stranger looked startled only for an instant. Who do you think you are, thief?

I have already told you, I'm Bringo. He glanced at the bar door as it had just stopped moving.

When the Ostrich worked at the high society concerts as a bouncer, his colleagues quickly realized that they couldn’t see him move clearly, even though his movements were always as meticulous and as precise as a modern cartographer’s pen.

A quick slash and a flash of four back flips ended their transaction as Bringo kicked in the bar door fiercely. He may have moved a bit too quickly. Instantly, swords and pocket knives welled up from many directions. Confidence and bravery were not even a consideration to the Ostrich. Instinct was the only sense, the only feeling, the only thought. There was no flailing, and no rash movements were wasted.

Bringo was clearly aware of the situation, but he didn’t flinch an inch. He remarked, Fighting doesn’t suit either of you well. In fact, you and your partner are way too smart to be pirates. You should be politicians. But keep your wigs on; people might not take two women with sketchy pasts seriously.

The first stranger walked up beside the second one, and each of them gave Bringo a perplexed look. Neither of them could decide whether or not to trust him. After some consideration, the first stranger spoke quietly. I am Mary Read and this is Ann Bonny. We are normally closer to sea, but we have been stranded here for at least 47 days thanks to Erasmus.

Erasmus? Why are you disguising yourselves?

Though swords were raised, they weren’t aimed at anyone in particular. By that time, the townsfolk were so confused that they just stood by waiting for someone to paint the blue walls red. To their dismay, it would not happen that day.

Mary’s cheeks glossed pink as quickly as she could compose herself. It seems that men don’t take woman pirates very seriously whether we kill people or not. We talked to Erasmus and he told us it would probably be best to fake our deaths, change our identities and hope that no one noticed. Until now, no one had.

How long has it been? Two, three days?

Ann was obviously tired of the conversation at hand and emphasized her words in a way that forced an ending. Twelve years.

People are ignorant I suppose. What are you planning on doing with me now that you have your diamonds back?

As Ann and Mary turned to look at each other, and they each raised an eyebrow.

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3. Pirates Are Never Your Friends

Exploring the coasts of Ranas had been wonderful in terms of plundering booty, but a certain pirate captain had become restless. His crew didn’t mind the endless pillaging and occasional molestation of females, but Erasmus wasn’t in the mood anymore. He was starting to believe he had scurvy, even though he was the healthiest person on the ship. His mind was playing tricks on him, and that was the best part of being captain of the Naughticuss.

He never looked like a pirate. His clothes were more reminiscent of a rich beggar than anything else. A white shirt billowed under a gray and gold vest. His hat was triangular, but it had sky blue and gold stripes. The pants clung to his skin, but they were stretchy enough for anyone to be able to move around in them. Erasmus had black ones, but a few pirates went with the more traditional beige. His boots stood out most of all because they were fuzzy and faded orange. Most people in Voorn wore some version of these colors and clothes, but not all were as ratty looking as the ones on Erasmus. He didn't care about his looks, especially at age 38.

Beside the fact that his first mate wanted so desperately to be captain that he had taken multiple attempts at Erasmus’ life, and the fact that Erasmus wasn’t welcome in any port unless he ransacked it, everything was fine for him. He had always been a hard man to please and an even tougher one to convince. If it weren’t for his near infallible people skills and that