The Hole Inside

By Meyari McFarland

Zachary had spent his entire life with a hole inside of him where his God's love should be. All around him, other people lived happy, healthy lives but he had never been able to do the same. He did his best to hide it from the people around him, especially when he was young, but people noticed that he was different.

It wasn't safe so Zachary stayed quiet, tending to his tiny shrine to Illarion, the God of Light, working his pottery job and spending time with his friends. Caleb, Zachary's best friend and occasional lover, tempted Zachary to drop the masks he hid behind. The risk of being seen as Godless was too high though. His fear and nervousness didn't stop Caleb from trying nor did it stop Zachary from taking what warmth he could get from their encounters.

Caleb's easy affection and open love tempted Zachary to reach out to the one person who truly mattered despite the fear of being rebuffed or, worse, reviled for everything he lacked. But one night of sex tempted him to take the chance on the love Caleb offered.

• Language: English
• Publisher: MDR Publishing
• Release date: May 28, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301634293

Meyari McFarland

Meyari McFarland has been telling stories since she was a small child. Her stories range from SF and Fantasy adventures to Romances but they always feature strong characters who do what they think is right no matter what gets in their way. Her series range from Space Opera Romance in the Drath series to Epic Fantasy in the Mages of Tindiere world. Other series include Matriarchies of Muirin, the Clockwork Rift Steampunk mysteries, and the Tales of Unification urban fantasy stories, plus many more. You can find all of her work on MDR Publishing's website at www.MDR-Publishing.com.

Book preview

The Hole Inside

By Meyari McFarland

Other Romance Books by Meyari McFarland:

Matriarchies of Muirin:

Coming Together

Fitting In

Following the Beacon

The Solace of Her Clan

Debts to Recover:

The Nature of Beasts

Assumptions of Debt

The Manor Verse:

A New Path

Following the Trail

Crafting Home

Finding a Way

Go Between

Like Arrows of Fate

The Drath Verse

Clash of Lines

Joining of Lines

Consort of the Crystal Palace

Fragments of a Chain

Stranded With You

Reunited Hearts

A Simple Life

Copyright ©2017 by Mary Raichle

Cover image

© Ateliersommerland | Dreamstime.com - The Mysterious Passage Photo

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Requests for permission to make copies of any part of the work should be emailed to [e-mail].

This book is also available in TPB format from all major retailers.

Dedication:

This one is dedicated to my friend Kay. She's helped me develop this world for years and knows almost as much about it as I do. Thank you for all your support and help, sweetie!

Table of Contents

1. Faith

2. Friendship

3. Love

4. Gift

5. Devotion

Excerpt: Repair and Rebuild

Afterword

1. Faith

Sweat beaded on Zachary's forehead and throat. The sun was almost directly overhead, filling the square with light and heat that approximated summertime despite the fact that they were a full month away from the Summer Solstice Festival. Light shimmered in bands that fell from the sky like sheets hung up to dry, filtered by Zachary's eyelashes. He held one hand up over his eyes, shading them enough to allow him to see his friends approach the little common altar to the Dark Goddess set at the intersection of Temple Road and Armory Way.

Three stories high with two thirds of the building's height composed of the massive roof, the altar building was tiny compared to the huge temple buildings in the complex built into the side of the holy mountain. The outdoor altar's heavy, overhanging roof extended several yards beyond the actual space inside, ensuring that even in the midday sun the altar remained shaded. It was covered with dark rock hewn from the mountain itself.

Only the edges of the tiles had bits of gold applied but those tiny bits made the roof shine in the midday sun. For yards around the altar, the square was paved with rough dark stones that absorbed the light instead of reflecting it upwards. While the rooftop's swooping tiles glimmered in the sun, the underneath where people went had been painted black and set with tiny mirrors that shimmered like stars in the night sky.

Between the shadows from the roof and the tiny candles used by worshipers, Zachary couldn't see Caleb and Luis' faces for the darkness that enveloped them. Zachary watched them as they went up to the altar of the Dark Goddess with their offerings of dark brown bread, candles and little cones of pressed brown sugar. It was very nearly like looking into a cave, dark, mysterious and somehow enticing beyond what was justified by the utterly mundane act.

Placing a tiny loaf of bread and a little lump of sugar on an altar before lighting a miniscule candle that burned out in a matter of minutes shouldn't hold such weight. But hold weight they did, enough that Zachary couldn't tear his eyes away from his friends as they clapped their hands once and bowed their heads in silent prayer. The faint scent of burning wax intensified as the wind changed, causing at least half the older candles along Luis' right side to gutter and go out.

Darkness restored after a moment of prayer, a moment of devotion, Zachary thought with an almost physical ache inside. He wasn't welcome under the altar's sheltering roof. This wasn't a mystery he was allowed to participate in, no matter how much he craved something similar.

Zachary wasn't a follower of the Dark Goddess. He had never been able to connect to Her despite his grandfather and mother's efforts. His whole life had been spent trying to connect to one God or another, though only Illarion, the God of Light, spoke to his soul.

He was alone in a city that had no Church for him to attend, no followers for him to speak to. No matter how much he wanted to follow Illarion, Zachary never could. His grandfather's abandonment of Illarion when he was younger than Zachary ensured that there was no going back to him.

Right, sorry for the delay, Caleb said as he turned away from the altar and strode back out into the light. You ready for lunch?

Very much so, Zachary said. He was quite aware that his smile was a bit stiff but neither Caleb nor Luis commented on it as they left the square.

The midday crowd hadn't started to build yet. There was plenty of room for the three of them to walk side by side as they crossed the square. Zachary had seen it so crowded that you couldn't see the cross streets, that you couldn't walk faster than a shuffle and had to be careful of your pocket being picked while you tried to make headway through the press of bodies.

Given another month it would be that crowded. The little altar was a popular one for pilgrimages, as well as a good place to come during Festivals if you didn't want to brave the crowds up in the Temple Complex.

Away from the dark stone surrounding the altar, the paving stones were pale, sandy-blond. They reflected the heat of the sun up at Zachary, doubling the effect of the sun beating down on them. The buildings around the square were wide and squat with flat roofs that reflected heat in much the same way. Every rooftop was covered in potted plants