The Travellers

By Sayyid Aliraza Naqvi

This book explores the sacred journey of marriage, which a husband and wife undertake in their progression to God.
Marriage is a process where two individuals of different backgrounds and different experiences come together to help each other in their journey towards Allah.
The book analyses the different roles a husband and wife should play to make the best out of their marriage.
It shares practical tips on how to build a successful marriage. Tips which we sometimes take for granted, or some which we may have never thought about.

Here is a short excerpt from the book

Human beings, by their very nature, have the potential to progress – whether morally, intellectually, socially, spiritually or economically and more. It may be gaining knowledge, getting a job or perfecting a skill. The best type of progress and the one that is shown by this book is the journey towards God – which is inclusive of all material and spiritual characteristics and advocates using them in the right way. This is elaborated on in our section entitled ‘journey’ whereby we state that an individual should essentially be a wayfarer where he/she passes through several stages in a disciplined and focused manner in order to reach ‘fana’ – to see nothing but God.
These stages involve making the necessary intention to pursue the journey of self-purification coupled with steadfastness and certainty of this objective. This is followed by the removal of vices from the soul by practicing abstinence, which then allows virtues to ingrain themselves within a person. By reaching this pure state, one is able to reflect over his/her true existence and the nature of his/her surroundings. He/she can then ascertain that these surroundings only appear to be reality; the true reality is God.

This book is a pleasant read, and the reader will benefit greatly from the book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: The World Federation of KSIMC
• Release date: Aug 3, 2012
• ISBN: 9780957098572

Book preview

The Travellers

Sayyid Aliraza Naqvi

The Travellers

by Sayyid Aliraza Naqvi

Copyright 2012 Sayyid Aliraza Naqvi

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without written permission from the author.

First published in 2005 by:

Alif International

109 Kings Avenue

Watford, Hertfordshire

WD18 7SB.

United Kingdom

ISBN 978-0-9570985-7-2

The book is dedicated to all those who are not with us. Specifically, I would like to mention the following people:

Marhum Maulana Sayyid Ansar Hussein Naqvi, loving father

Marhum Mulla Asgher M M Jaffer, caring teacher

May God forgive all of their and our sins and may He raise their stations in the hereafter.

Kindly recite a Sura Fateha and Sura Ikhlas three times (equated to the complete recitation of the Holy Qur’an) for all Marhumeen. Thank you.

CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

Central themes: Marriage, Piety and the Journey

Part 1: The role of a wife

Introduction to the role of a wife

Foundational values

The bond of love and affection

Politeness and respect

Comforting your partner

Being appreciative

Forgiveness

Keeping secrets

Intimacy and Romance

Cleanliness

The positive and pleasant disposition

Good nature

Complaining

Demands and Maturity

The negative disposition

Suspicion

Backbiting and gossip

Modesty and faithfulness

Hijab

Deadly behaviour

The Perfect Man: Looking for shortcomings

Family relations

Who is first, your husband or your mother?

Building relations with your family-in-laws

Helping each other progress

Spirituality and education

Mood swings

Household values

The status of a household

Motherhood

Part 2: The role of a husband

Introduction to the role of a husband

Foundational values

Love and affection

Respect and good manners

Being grateful

Comforting your partner

Intimacy and romance

A positive and pleasant disposition

Complaining unnecessarily

Being quarrelsome

A negative disposition

Patience: Anger - Roots, Consequences and Solutions

Overlooking mistakes

Learning to ignore

Fault-finding: Aestheticism

Ignore baseless criticism

Modesty and Faithfulness

Hijab

Controlling your desires

Duties towards yourself

Cleanliness

Seeking knowledge

Household values

Fatherhood

Finances

Helping your wife in the house

Coming home early

Final Thoughts

Information and Contact Details of the Authors

Endnotes

Bibliography

Preface

Dear readers,

Before I introduce the subject matter of this book, information about its format is necessary. The book combines a purposefully simple style of writing with an academic and spiritual one based on a number of modern and traditional Islamic and non-religious sources. The principle reason behind this approach is to fulfill the need of achieving easy understanding, resourcefulness and practicality on the subject of marriage. Some books on this subject can be academically rigorous and whilst such books are undoubtedly useful, they can fail to appeal to the reader in a way that is practically applicable. On the other hand, other books can be too simplistic in their use of sources and in their approach, failing to examine real-life examples and trends.

The book’s messages are universal but are written in a manner that takes into account specific cultural and social trends within societies. They apply to husbands and wives of any age, youths and all those seeking a partner. Also, since the themes tackled in this book are relevant for relationships in general, the book applies to all those individuals who may not necessarily believe in the concept of marriage and anyone interested in learning about relationships.

Although the literary style is one of personal address from a father to his sons and daughters, it does not affect its application to all readers. In fact, this style was increasingly chosen as this book was written because of its personal and emotive nature, which would hopefully also echo with parents. Throughout the book you will notice that an honest, frank tone has been used. This tone is purposefully chosen to address issues directly concerning marriage and is not in anyway there to offend anyone. Marriage is indeed a delicate subject matter and in order for us to understand it, we must be bold enough to deal with it.

The focus of this book is on the permanent marriage that takes place between two people – a man and a woman. In this respect, both the husband’s and wife’s role in marriage have been elaborated upon. Indeed, I have repeated similar messages in both sections as it may be the case that a husband would read about his part in the book and a wife would do the same, rather than read each other’s. However, I strongly recommend that individuals should read both parts to gain a more accurate understanding of their roles within marriage and a relationship. Both parts apply to both individuals and I have focused on certain marital themes, which I feel are particularly relevant to each gender. This will also prevent men and women thinking that I have been one-sided in our analysis and comments.

The book takes some literal content from Ayatullah Ibrahim Amini’s work entitled ‘Principles of Marriage & Family Ethics.’ However, our book’s messages, approach, scope and use of resources are entirely different to his book. As such, it should not be considered as a copy of his work, nor as an advancement of his thinking. Rather, I have adapted parts of his literary style for the purpose of our book and thus, I acknowledge and thank him. And, I have used M H Shakir’s translation of the Holy Qur’an throughout this book (unless specified) because of its simple nature so that it serves the purpose of easy reading of Qur’anic text.

I have tried my utmost to make sure that any narration used in this book is wholly authentic and any interpretation and translation of narrations and verses are accurate as possible.

The authenticity of narrations is extremely important because many books on marriage (but also other subjects) fail to critically examine the source and validity of a narration. When this happens, a scholar can base his/her whole reasoning and philosophy on an invalid narration. This also applies to the interpretation of verses of the Holy Qur’an where a lack of knowledge of Arabic and context of the Holy Qur’an can lead to grave misinterpretation, innovation, faulty reasoning and ultimately, damaging philosophies.

Finally, the abbreviations used in this book mean the following. (P.b.u.h) means ‘Peace be upon him’, denoting salutations and reverence upon a holy leader (Imam) or person. In the same light, (P.b.u.t.) means ‘Peace be upon them.’ And, (s.w.t) stands for ‘Subhanhu wa Ta’ala’, which is used exclusively after the name of Allah in the meaning of ‘Glory and Magnificence be to Him.’

Introduction

Marriage is a loving union and journey between two people. It symbolises the value of love in human beings and provides the very stability and foundations of a progressive society. Progress is measured by how close we become to God and if marriage is understood in this way, it has a divine foundation.

However, this foundation (which, from a monotheistic viewpoint, represents a religious, healthy and stable way for a man and a woman to be committed to each other and raise a family) is significantly being redefined through concepts such as ‘cohabitation’ and ‘the single life’, which have provided alternatives to marriage. The underlying thread of these concepts is that an individual’s independence is considered to have greater importance than a binding and exclusive long-term commitment to a partner. Furthermore, the liberal development of marital ethics and sexual philosophy has justified sex before marriage as a matter of free and natural choice, bisexuality, homosexuality and more recently, polyamory. Polyamory is ‘the belief that it is quite proper to have simultaneous relationships with more than one loving and sexual partner. It isn’t just casual sex since the sex comes with relationships.’ [1] This has altered our meaning of a family unit in society and what constitutes sex, relationships and natural and moral boundaries.

In amongst these developments, I also come across notable medical advancements that have rendered it possible to control reproduction by the use of contraception and sterilisation. These birth-controlling methods make it possible to dislodge the link between sexual intercourse and reproduction. It also has implications for the importance of parenthood in society as men and women have more choice to control the birth process. Furthermore, scientific and technological developments such as Artificial Insemination, In-Vitro fertilisation and the use of donated gametes, allow for the possibility of separating sexual intercourse and reproduction altogether. With these new techniques, reproduction is no longer confined to those who are involved in sexual reproduction as a natural and marital process.

From a philosophical angle, one can also observe the continual impact of feminism, [2] which is quickly shaping the way women see themselves in society and history. Terms such as the ‘working woman’, ‘female politician’, ‘female jurist’ and more are shaking societal and cultural traditions through debate and critical analysis. Yet the existence of many camps within feminism has produced diverse interpretations of the substance and objective of women’s rights. Some see women’s rights as a means to gain superiority and others see it as a means to redress equality between men and women.

From a religious angle, some feminists believe there is no conflict between rights and religion (rather the rights of women must be extracted from religion, which have been suppressed by male dominance), whilst others see a clash between rights and religion, arguing that rights have been defined by males and it is better to forge a completely new direction for women in this context (and create new concepts relating to the gender of God and application of religious message). This leads us to the historical and sociological angle of feminism where some argue that history is merely ‘His-story’ and a total deconstruction of existing knowledge for understanding society needs to be undertaken. In sum, the above are just some of the views of the feminist movement and belief in one or more of these views shape how a man and woman interact with each other in marriage, on the basis of allowing or disallowing certain rights.

Society is also affected by the continual impact of materialism, which seeks to bind human thought and action to what is physical and pleasure-seeking, rather than exploring that which is spiritual and moral. [3] This is propelled by forms of media and pop culture, which emphasise physical beauty, money and objects, sexual expression, rebellion, alcohol and drugs as ends in themselves thus creating a society that only aims to fulfil carnal human desires and lessen the worth of human beings.

Although one can give hundreds of examples to illustrate this point about pop culture (I believe that understanding pop culture and the Internet revolution is significant in order to gain an insight into what an increasing amount of people, particularly youths, read and are influenced by), a recent article that I noticed online sums up the relevant issues. In an article entitled ‘Young girls’ see Abi as role model’, it stated, ‘The naked ambition of Abi Titmuss, Jordan and Jodie Marsh has rubbed off on Britain’s youth who would rather pose scantily-clad than enter a profession, a new poll has revealed. A staggering 63% of girls would rather be glamour models than nurses, doctors or teachers, according to the survey by mobile entertainment providers www.thelab.tv. The findings have been blamed on the endless media coverage of women who become famous more for their physical attributes than talent or achievements…’ [4] The point here is not to go into the deeper philosophical, sociological and legal aspects of these issues, nor even to pass complete judgement on them. Rather, I have mentioned them from a descriptive angle to briefly raise awareness of the surrounding issues that are affecting marriage.

The developments of the above concepts have self-evidently made us re-evaluate our social, moral and normative position in society and the way we interact and build relationships with each other. What we considered as intrinsic truths and ways of life (such as marriage as a fundamental institution or sexuality being confined between males and females only) are being directly challenged by different rationales and philosophies, which have a liberal and non-conformist trend. The question we continually ask ourselves is: What is our social position as human beings in society now?

Islam answers this question through the Holy Qur’an, the final religious text of guidance for mankind, revealed to the last Messenger of God, Prophet Muhammed (p.b.u.h). Even before I comment on what the Holy Qur’an states, the social position of human beings can be seen by the literal meaning of ‘Islam.’ Islam means ‘peace’ and ‘submission to the will of God.’ Thus, the whole basis of this religion and what it seeks to promote is peace in all layers of society. When we look at the Holy Qur’an, we are able to see how this peace is meant to be achieved.

The social position of human beings in Islam is based on following Allah’s commands, which ensures harmony within society: ‘And serve Allah and do not associate any thing with Him and be good to the parents and to the near of kin and the orphans and the needy and the neighbor of (your) kin and the alien neighbor, and the companion in a journey and the wayfarer and those whom your right hands possess; surely Allah does not love him who is proud, boastful; Those who are niggardly and bid people to be niggardly and hide what Allah has given them out of His grace;’ [5]

Thus, this social structure based on belief in God and love, respect and sincerity towards all those that live within it. There is no distinction between upper and lower classes in terms of wealth or building relationships with others, regardless of race, colour or origin. Within this structure, relationships operate according to fundamental principles which ensure healthy and trustworthy interaction, stable and happy development and prevent moral corruption. For example, in Surah-al-Hujurât (The Chambers), we are told not to quarrel with each other, avoid suspicion and backbiting because all of these acts would harm relationships: ‘And if two parties of the believers quarrel, make peace between them; but if one of them acts wrongfully towards the other, fight that which acts wrongfully until it returns to Allah’s command; then if it returns, make peace between them with justice and act equitably; surely Allah loves those who act equitably.’ [6] And God says, ‘O you who believe! Avoid most of suspicion, for surely suspicion in some cases is a sin, and do not spy nor let some of you backbite others. Does one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? But you abhor it; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah, surely Allah is Oft-returning (to mercy), Merciful.’ [7]

God also tells us to give in charity for this helps poor people, addresses financial inequality in society and makes us reflect on the minimal importance of material possessions: ‘The love of desires, of women and sons and hoarded treasures of gold and silver and well bred horses and cattle and tilth, is made to seem fair to men; this is the provision of the life of this world; and Allah is He with Whom is the good goal (of life). Say: Shall I tell you what is better than these? For those who guard (against evil) are gardens with their Lord, beneath which rivers flow, to abide in them, and pure mates and Allah’s pleasure; and Allah sees the servants.’ [8]

We are told