Loneliness

By Eric Bray

Loneliness is a partial biography, written after the death of my wife, taken from me prematurely by cancer.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Eric Bray
• Release date: Feb 28, 2012
• ISBN: 9781466086999

Eric Bray

Born in 1950, after school,I served my country in the Royal Navy, the least said about which the better. Since then I have made plastic drain-pipes, driven a fork truck, worked as a courier in the multi-drop rip-off game, and for the last two years have watched a conveyor belt going around. I have now achieved retirement. I began writing for amusement during my lunch-breaks, and rose to the challenge of becoming published when I commented on a book I had purchased, saying something along the lines of - "I could do better than that!" - when someone said - "Go on, then!" My other hobbies are scuba-diving, designing, building, and flying radio-controlled model aircraft, ham radio, photography, and avoiding gardening.

Book preview

A partial biography, and how two lives are destroyed by the evil disease of Cancer.

Second edition, 2017, with a few minor word-changes to tidy up the text.

Chapter 1 – Introduction.

Chapter 2 – Situation.

Chapter 3 – Before.

Chapter 4 – Together?

Chapter 5 – Prostate trouble

Chapter 6 – Fate

Chapter 7 – The end approaches

Chapter 1

WARNING!

These words are not light reading for entertainment, and may not be for the squeamish.

It may possibly help somebody else, which is why I am writing it.

It may also be a catharsis for me.

I am not seeking sympathy, I am merely trying, (and probably failing) to put my emotions into words.

To quote the words of the Great, Late Karen Carpenter, Loneliness is such a sad affair.

Chapter 2

Loneliness is very different to being alone. If you are merely alone, you can go and be

somewhere else, where there are friends, acquaintances, relatives, or just people.

Loneliness is a great aching void, where someone once was, but is no longer, and never can be again, a void that nobody else can fill, or even attempt to. A great black void that goes with you everywhere you go, no matter what you do.

You can bury it, in your mind, but it will not stay buried. All kinds of little daily events let it out again, simply from hearing a tune on the radio, through to messing in the garden, and wondering whether that particular green growing thing is a plant or a weed, but the person you used to ask for advice and guidance isn't there, any more.

Another way it manifests itself is at mealtime, when, not thinking, you set two places at the table, like you have done for years, for you and your partner.

It gets out on those sunny days, when you would normally have said Do you fancy a run out to - . The words form in your mind, and you probably inhale, in preparation to saying them, then the darkness gets out again, because there is nobody to say them to, any more. You could go 'there' on your own, but without your partner, there is no point. You would not enjoy the view, or whatever, because the person you want to share it with cannot see it - so you don't go.

It also gets out on those dull grey, miserable days, when you have no desire to go anywhere that is outside, because