Providence

By Laurel Hall

At age four, Emma was sexually abused by neighborhood boys—abuse that continued for four years. With no one to tell, not even her parents, her life was filled with pain, shame and misery. She handled her emotional anguish the only way she knew how: by making plenty of mistakes, giving in to anger, suffering mental illness and anxiety attacks, and living a life devoid of joy or self-love. This is her story. A story of survival, and of overcoming emotional, physical and sexual abuse to find true happiness in marriage, family and God. Sexual abuse destroys lives, but with the love of a good man and the love of God, Emma was able to recover. She hopes this inspiring tale will help others who have suffered similar abuse find peace.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Laurel Hall
• Release date: Nov 18, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465736024

Laurel Hall

Laurel Hall was born in Providence, Rhode Island growing up in the state until the age of seventeen. At that time she traveled to Texas and where she attended college receiving a BS in Chemistry and Mathematics and, a few years later, a Master’s degree in Education. After completing college, Hall began teaching math. She taught for a total of twenty three years, the last six of which she was the department chairman in a large high school. After retiring from teaching Hall joined an aerospace firm and became a scheduler, first on Space Station Freedom and then on the International Space Station. During her working years Hall also worked as a nuclear medicine technician and had her own real estate office with her husband.. Hall is married and has two daughters and three grandchildren. She and her husband currently live in Colorado. Providence is her first ebook.

Book preview

Chapter 1: Deceived

You used me, Jon said matter-of-factly. His swivel rocking chair creaked as he shifted his weight a little and turned his gaze away from the pelicans and gulls on the lake to look at Emma. It was a beautiful evening. The air was crisp and still, not a hint of a breeze.

Emma said nothing, despite her surge of guilt. Not yet. Many years of counseling had taught her the importance of listening—had taught them both the importance of sharing. At this point in their marriage, they could talk about anything without fear of reprisal, and most of their talking was done out here, on the back porch hung with flowerboxes, while they watched birds flock to the birdfeeder or the local squirrel eat its daily meal of peanuts.

I guess that’s where the hostility I sometimes felt towards you came from, Jon continued, his voice still measured despite his accusation. When we were married, you used me. I knew our getting married was wrong, but I didn’t realize what your parents, or you, were doing to me.

I’m sorry, replied Emma, staring out at the sunset—the melon, pink and blue colors reflected in the water. I’m sorry my parents used you.

You did too. Jon sighed.

Yes. I guess I did.

* * *

Jon’s a good boy and he likes you, Emma’s mother had told her all those years before. Even if you don’t love him, in time you will grow to love him.

Even then, Emma had known that marrying Jon was the wrong thing to do—that her parents were just looking for a way to get rid of her. She had always felt like a burden to them, just another of four children her mother never really wanted. Children who distracted them from their work on the farm. Children whose needs were met physically, but whose emotional needs went unnoticed.

She had known, even as young as she was, that her mother was wrong. Emma was still carrying a torch for another, and her anxiety attacks were getting worse. It was wrong, all wrong, but something inside her cried out, What choice do you have?

* * *

You used me as a lifeboat. Jon took a sip of coffee. You were drowning and the only way to save yourself was to climb into my boat. Your parents dumped you on me and abandoned you. When I found out, I can’t tell you how much I hated them. I felt trapped. The gentle honking of Canada Geese interrupted their conversation. Jon and Emma paused momentarily, watching the birds scramble for a position on the fallen tree in the lake. The wildlife that graced their home made Emma and Jon feel close to nature, more real, more relaxed.

My parents always said your parents used people, Jon continued. That they never had friends just for friends, always for what they could get out of them. I realized on our wedding night that you didn’t love me. Jon paused and ran a hand through his hair. There was no passion. You had climbed into the boat and now you had to the pay the ferryman—pretend you loved me.

Emma’s eyes were watery and her hands were knotted in her lap. He was right. She looked over at him sorrowfully. There had been no passion, not like she had felt for her former love. Back then, she hadn’t even thought this marriage would last. Her only hope had been that Jon would save her life. And he did.

Chapter 2: Erik and Lita

O’er the years the heartache you felt,

deep within your breast,

slowly turned to anger,

and, from that, there was no rest.

From Angelita by Emma

Several days later, Emma was sitting at the kitchen table, swirling her coffee and encouraging it to cool. It was Jessie’s birthday—four years old. Emma loved her little granddaughter and knew Jessie loved her in return. What a happy little girl she is, Emma thought. She, too, had been four once, but she hadn’t been happy.

Today, at sixty-six, she was content: no longer insecure or unwanted, no longer seething with anger. What had changed? How had she been transformed from an unloved, unloving person to the doting grandmother she was now?

How she wished her parents could have been such grandparents to her own children. But relationships had never come easily to them. They were products of their own poor upbringings. Life had always been hard for her dad, Erik, the fourth of seven children. His parents were Swedish immigrants, uneducated and poor. Erik’s father had immigrated to the United States at the age of nineteen. He was a janitor and fireman at the city library. Money was tight. When Erik’s sister Lydia became ill, Erik had been forced to quit school at the end of the eighth grade so he could earn money and pay bills. Yet his desire to attend school, and his drive to learn, had been so strong that he bought books and taught himself the necessary courses for a high-school education. Finally, aged twenty, he had been accepted to Columbia University, where he studied languages. He received his bachelor’s degree at twenty-five, his masters at thirty, and graduated summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa.

Emma’s mother, Angelita (Lita), had an equally difficult upbringing. Her father had been born and raised in New England, and after college, moved to Puerto Rico to become an English-language teacher. He married one of his students in what was probably an arranged marriage. She was an orphan and twenty-two years his junior—a shy, quiet girl with a tragic history. Her parents had been killed in an automobile accident and her only brother had been murdered in Santa Domingo. She had no one. What choice did she have but to marry this man?

Lita’s father was an arrogant, self-righteous man who lorded over his family and provided only for their physical needs, ignoring their emotional ones. The culture in which Lita was raised valued male children more than females. Despite sending his sons to college, he refused to send Lita, insisting college was not for women. Instead, he sent her to New England to live with his brother’s family and attend secretarial school. After graduating from secretarial school, Lita obtained a position as a Spanish and Portuguese interpreter and also worked part-time as the secretary for a Spanish Club at a nearby university. It was at one of those meetings that Erik and Lita were introduced. They dated for about a year before marrying.

Erik owned a small farm in a very isolated area of the state and raised cows, chickens and pigs. Lita was afraid of the animals and did not like living alone in the woods. After her first two children, Sonya and Emma, were born, Lita insisted Erik sell the farm and move to Providence.

Once, Emma had hated her parents for the way her life had turned out, but not anymore. She now understood that Erik and Lita didn’t have the parenting skills to raise children, especially not a child as difficult as she had been. But what had made her that way? She had not always been that way, had she? No, she thought, not until Providence. Providence was where her problems had begun.

* * *

Their house in Providence had been the newest on the street. Erik had purchased two lots, building the house on one and using the other for a garden. Comfortable and well furnished, it was painted pale yellow and shaped like a cube with a roof. It had a fire-warmed living room, a dining room, a good-sized kitchen, and—in the front—a flower room, which Lita filled with beautiful tropical plants that reminded her of Puerto Rico. On the second floor were three bedrooms, a bathroom, and a sewing room. Emma and Sonya liked their house and their bedroom, which had twin beds separated by a nightstand. The room was large and airy, with windows on two sides and a large closet where they could play hide and seek.

Although their parents were very strict, their father took time to be with his daughters. While their mother prepared dinner, Emma and Sonya would sit on their father’s knee and listen to him sing hymns in Swedish, songs by Stephen Foster, and sometimes even risqué tunes.

"The rich girl has a watch of gold,

The poor girl one of brass.

But my girl has no watch at all,

The movement’s in her—

Oh, it ain’t going rain anymore, anymore,

It ain’t going to rain anymore.

So how in heck can I wash my neck?

If it ain’t going to rain anymore."

On one occasion, Emma sang the song to her class at school.

Where did you learn that song, Emma? the teacher asked frostily.

My dad sang it to me.

That evening, the teacher called her father and suggested he sing different tunes to his daughters. After hanging up, her father laughed uproariously, and told the story over and over again.

At night, when Lita put the girls to bed, she would kneel down and pray with them. Life for Sonya and Emma was good. They liked their home, their neighborhood, and their parents. The first Christmas in that house, Lita told her children that if they put their broken toys under the Christmas tree on December 10, Santa would come and take the toys, fix them up, and return them on Christmas day. Emma always looked forward to getting her dolls back with new clothes, and her broken toys repaired.

Across the street lived a friendly family with a young son, Jon. Emma thought Jon was the cutest boy alive, and that he had wonderful parents. She dreamed that one day she and Jon would be married.

Chapter 3: Toil

Too much work,

too much to do,

work, work, work,

work was all they knew.

From Work by Emma

Although from vastly different backgrounds, Erik and Lita had both been raised with the New England work ethic. Life and work were synonymous. One had to like work, because there was always work to be done. The house must be cleaned—the floors washed or vacuumed, the furniture polished, the beds made, the dishes done. After the house was cleaned, the flowerbeds needed weeding, the plants watered, the grass mowed. There was no time to relax and enjoy being a family, no time for cuddling or

Reviews for Providence

[itsbookishme · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Loved Beautiful Disaster and thought I would give Providence a try, wasn't disappointed. For me, Providence reads more like a Contemporary Romance novel with just a smidgen of Paranormal. The story starts out with Nina mourning the loss of her father. A father who she hero worships and thinks of as a god. Nina was able to find some solace from losing her father when she was having a breakdown and Jared approached her. She was instantly intrigued by him and he became a good distraction to her sadness. Almost half of the book focused on Nina and Jared's blossoming friendship and eventual relationship.

Nina's a student at Brown University from an affluent family. She was a total daddy's girl and would eventually have to come to accept her father wasn't the man she thought he was. Nina's character was a contradiction to how I saw her earlier on in the story. I really didn't expect some of the things she did. She definitely likes to have fun, getting drunk with a hangover kind of fun. Nina was always running into Jared and he was always there when she finds herself in a dangerous situation. She also didn't seem to have any fear at first, she didn't take Jared's warnings seriously on the situation her father left behind.

Jared, oh yeah, yum. Super model gorgeous and badass protector of Nina. Jared was Nina's savior many times over, he was always there when she needs him most. Most of the time he seemed laid back but there was that protective side to him that was ready to take action. There is so much more to Jared but I would be giving away too much if I keep going.

And Ryan who was totally in love with Nina who seem to make bad decisions when it comes to his well being. It was very sweet of him to want to defend Nina when trouble finds her but was he serious, did he really think he could take on four huge guys alone? And he was also eager to make Jared jealous flirting with Nina it was clear that Jared was holding himself back from hurting him. Doesn't he have any kind of self-preservation? I thought Nina wasn't fair to Ryan sometimes, she knew how he felt about her and she unwittingly lead him on at times by expecting too much from their friendship.

Claire, Jared's sister was a pretty interesting character, as badass as her brother but a lot more of a risk taker. She and Nina didn't have a great start to their relationship. I like Claire, but she's scary, she was the only one Nina was afraid of.

The supernatural plot of the story was about Angels and Demons and I almost forgot I was reading a Paranormal Romance but was not bothered by it one bit. There wasn't any mention of anything supernatural for sometime. The story took a paranormal turn when Nina finds out that her father made his money through criminal activities, and there was more, he stole from a demon who wants his property back and wants to set an example or solidify his reputation by using Nina herself. The supernatural aspect of the story when it did come up was subtle at first before the major action started. I really like how Jamie writes romance and this book was definitely about a romance above all else. Loved hearing Jared's journal entries about when he fell in love with Nina. So sweet.

[readerscandyb · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Another 5 out of 5 for Jamie McGuire

The book starts with Nina's father dying and her meeting Jared Ryel at the bus stop... Little does she know he has been watching her for years and planned the meeting. When Jared starts showing up in places of danger she realizes that he knows more about her then she thought. As she searches for the truth behind her fathers death she finds the one thing her fathers associates are looking for. Secrets are revealed and their relationship goes through ups and downs. Will someone come between them? Read to find out!

[gigisiriereads · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Loved Beautiful Disaster and thought I would give Providence a try, wasn't disappointed. For me, Providence reads more like a Contemporary Romance novel with just a smidgen of Paranormal. The story starts out with Nina mourning the loss of her father. A father who she hero worships and thinks of as a god. Nina was able to find some solace from losing her father when she was having a breakdown and Jared approached her. She was instantly intrigued by him and he became a good distraction to her sadness. Almost half of the book focused on Nina and Jared's blossoming friendship and eventual relationship.

Nina's a student at Brown University from an affluent family. She was a total daddy's girl and would eventually have to come to accept her father wasn't the man she thought he was. Nina's character was a contradiction to how I saw her earlier on in the story. I really didn't expect some of the things she did. She definitely likes to have fun, getting drunk with a hangover kind of fun. Nina was always running into Jared and he was always there when she finds herself in a dangerous situation. She also didn't seem to have any fear at first, she didn't take Jared's warnings seriously on the situation her father left behind.

Jared, oh yeah, yum. Super model gorgeous and badass protector of Nina. Jared was Nina's savior many times over, he was always there when she needs him most. Most of the time he seemed laid back but there was that protective side to him that was ready to take action. There is so much more to Jared but I would be giving away too much if I keep going.

And Ryan who was totally in love with Nina who seem to make bad decisions when it comes to his well being. It was very sweet of him to want to defend Nina when trouble finds her but was he serious, did he really think he could take on four huge guys alone? And he was also eager to make Jared jealous flirting with Nina it was clear that Jared was holding himself back from hurting him. Doesn't he have any kind of self-preservation? I thought Nina wasn't fair to Ryan sometimes, she knew how he felt about her and she unwittingly lead him on at times by expecting too much from their friendship.

Claire, Jared's sister was a pretty interesting character, as badass as her brother but a lot more of a risk taker. She and Nina didn't have a great start to their relationship. I like Claire, but she's scary, she was the only one Nina was afraid of.

The supernatural plot of the story was about Angels and Demons and I almost forgot I was reading a Paranormal Romance but was not bothered by it one bit. There wasn't any mention of anything supernatural for sometime. The story took a paranormal turn when Nina finds out that her father made his money through criminal activities, and there was more, he stole from a demon who wants his property back and wants to set an example or solidify his reputation by using Nina herself. The supernatural aspect of the story when it did come up was subtle at first before the major action started. I really like how Jamie writes romance and this book was definitely about a romance above all else. Loved hearing Jared's journal entries about when he fell in love with Nina. So sweet.

[talaskat · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This book was not as good as Beautiful Disaster but when you made it to the end it got a lot better. I want to shake and scream at her characters sometimes. I'm am totally happy that I found this author.

[onionprincess · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Instead of Twilight with a vampire, it's Providence with a guardian angel....kind of cheesy, over the top with his dying love for her, but an interesting story.

[mariananhi · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

I was head over heel with Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire. It was an amazing read! So I made my way to her other works with high expectation. Providence caught my eyes then, but in the end, it disappointed me…quite deeply.If you have read some of my other reviews, you would probably realize I have little tolerance when it comes to different books with similar storyline, or rip-off version (I dislike that word, because no matter how “similar” the plots are, both works are the authors’ heart and mind.) Unfortunately, Providence falls in this category. It was a rewritten Twilight Saga. Don’t get me wrong here, I love Twilight (my first romance books – great impact), I love Jamie McGuire’s writing, and I would be lying if I said this is an awful book. Not at all. However, the reason above ticked me off. When I first pick up the book, I had a great time of thinking about how good this book is going to be. Hence, I even imagine a super positive review for this book. Guess you don’t get what you wish for all the time.The book starts off very good. Nina’s father-the most important person in Nina’s life-got in an accident. She was devastated. After his funeral, she met a boy named Jared, a very nice one, and he offered her to share a cab with him. Their story started there.Completely fall in love with the book at that moment. The writing is indescribably beautiful.Then it changed from there.No matter how hard I lie to myself that this book is completely unique, it’s not happening. After riding that late night cab, strange things starting to happen around Nina. The weird part is, the mystery Jared always seemed to show up whenever she’s in danger, and he really knows how to move his fists. Fate seems to keep bringing them together, times after times. He’s gorgeous and full of mysteries, but his sudden move of pushing her way makes Nina confused than ever. “Accidents” happened, and Nina is in danger. Jared decided to tell her his true identity, even if it may push her away from him.Okay, you may think. What are you talking about? This plot is max awesomeness! Hate to break it for you guys. Nah uh! This is totally mini-Twilight 4 in 1. I love you but it’s not safe for you to love me so I left? If you left me then I will hurt myself? Hot super-being boyfriend? A sister who is basically a mix between Alice and Rosalie Cullen (this actually turns out hilarious)? A lot of check-marks for similarities between these guys here.Jared can be considered your better version of Edward (I’m a Team Edward, don’t get me wrong, but Jared here is totally a sweetheart). He’s kind and full of humor. And even though he seems to be perfect beyond humanly possible, and sometimes quite…stalkery? (he’s a supernatural being, what am I talking about?) There was a very mundane side of him, which makes his characteristic feel more realistic. I like him a lot.Nina is, well, she is the protagonist of this story, and my feeling for her seems to reflect on what I feel about the book. I really like her at first. She’s not the super-brave-and-independent type of person, but not those I-couldn’t-choose-what-to-where-without-my-boyfriend one either (keep in mind that I said “at first”). You can clearly make it out that her family is rich, but she doesn’t acknowledge that fact (in the good way) or feel overly proud and arrogant over it either. She was a very nice girl. She still in the end of the book though, but after a while, the “Bella’s effect” started to rub on her. She clings to Jared. Her mind is 24/7 full of negatively thoughts. She even desperately attempted to hurt herself just to Jared would appear an speak to her. Boy, I really want to tell her to stop crying and get over with it!Jamie McGuire is fantastic when it comes to romance book, and I won’t deny it. But she disappointed me this time. Providence resembling Twilight too much, that it lost some of its own unique taste. You may question me why there are so many Twilight references in this review. That is the same feeling I have for this book. I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone who has that same annoyance like me when it comes to alike storylines.

[woodtop255 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Although I consider myself a new adult author, something McGuire is also known for being, I couldn’t get into her popular Beautiful Disaster novel. I found Travis way too unlikable and couldn’t get past his extreme assholeness. This made me a little skeptical over whether I’d enjoy Providence. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I get the readers who make the Twilight comparisons, but I think there was much more suspense in this book. The college-age characters were realistically drawn and McGuire didn’t get logged down in complicated mythology about the angels and demons. Jared was a little too tortured for my taste, but I think that’s because I always prefer the underdog love interest who doesn’t have a chance in hell of getting the girl (poor Ryan). I give the book four out of five stars.

[bookwhisperer · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Providence was yet another brilliant display of Jamie McGuires raw talent. My first introduce to her works was with the title Beautiful Disaster, and it was a amazing and thrilling story that I have revisited since. McGuire is a amazing author with the ability to combine sweet and simple characters with remarkable story lines. Everytime I have the opportunity to read works by this author I am astounded and awestruck with her ability to create breath taking romances. These are the stories that readers will remember long after the last line, and revisit just so that they can feel the emotions of loving the characters all over again. Providence was unique from McGuire's other stories, because of her paranormal twist. This was incredibly benefical to the story at esclating the emotion level even further. As with Beautiful Disaster McGuire is genuinely talented in writing deeply emotional love stories, but when Providence opens the door more a magically connection it seemed to highten the romance even further. (As if I thought that was even possible!) I love feeling as though I am part of the story, and Jamie's ability to absorb readers is clearly evident from this story. The action and suspense promises late night and missed bedtimes. I can't wait to see what the next book will offer. Jamie McGuire is the a amazing author, and something you should not miss! BOOKWHISPERER RECOMMEND!!