Billy's Book

By Simon Haynes

Billy Crump is the local stable boy. Fed up with mucking out horses, he sneaks into the wizard's lab, concocts a potion using all the rare and expensive ingredients, and somehow ends up with a talking book. His first thought? Sell the book ... and say goodbye to horse muck forever!

A 5000 word fantasy/comedy story

--

"Who's there? What's talkin'?"
The book fluttered. "Who do you think, you two-legged disaster zone?"
"A talkin' book?" Emotions ran over Billy's face like drops of food dye in a goldfish bowl. Surprise was followed by bafflement, bafflement by comprehension and comprehension by cunning. "I could sell you," he said under his breath. "I could sell you an' then I wouldn't have to muck out no more stables."
"Sell me?" squeaked the book. "You don't even own me!"

• Language: English
• Publisher: Simon Haynes
• Release date: Nov 16, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465771254

Simon Haynes

Simon Haynes lives in Western Australia, where he divides his time between herding deadly spiders, dodging drop bears, and making up wildly inaccurate sentences like this one.By day he's an author. By night he's also an author.He loves wry, dry humour, and his hobbies include daringly inserting the letter U into words where -- in some parts of the world at least -- this simply isn't the done thing.As for his genre-spanning novels, they include epic fantasy (with robots), scifi comedy (also with robots), middle grade humour (featuring robots AND the wanton use of the letter U), as well as a series of historical mystery novels set in 1870's London. (No, of course there aren't robots in those. He's not completely out of his mind.)When he's not writing Simon is usually renovating his house, sim-racing online, using twitter (@spacejock), gardening, tweaking his book covers, pondering the meaning of the universe and reading, and if you think it's easy doing all that at the same time you should see what he can do with a mug of coffee, a banana and a large bag of salt.When he's not making outlandish claims he likes to count how many novels he's written, and how many genres he's written them in. (Lots and too many.)Finally, if you want to hear Simon reading one of his award-winning stories, you'll find an enticement to join his newsletter here: spacejock.com.au/ML.html

Book preview

Billy's Book

A Short Story

Billy Crump is the local stable boy. Fed up with mucking out horses, he sneaks into the wizard's lab and concocts a potion using rare and expensive ingredients.

The result? A talking book!

His first thought? Sell the book … and wave goodbye to horse muck forever!

© Simon Haynes 2011

All Rights Reserved

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Bowman Press

Stock images © depositphotos.com

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Billy's Book

The explosion was completely unexpected, and Billy Crump cowered as test equipment, ingredients and broken glass rained down all over the wizard's lab. He yelled in pain as a length of copper tube bounced off his skull, and when all was finally still he opened his eyes to survey the wreckage.

Oh, shit, he muttered under his breath. "Oh shit, shit, shit!"

He was standing in the middle of a rough stone floor, right next to a blackened workbench. Every surface was littered with shattered glass, bent metal and shredded paper. Even the tops of the bookcases were dusted with the aftermath. Even the lintel above the door.

Billy glared at a book lying face down on the floor, its title barely legible on the scuffed green cover. Uncle Frooter's Experi-mental Alma-nac, said Billy, reading the words haltingly. This is your fault, this is. He lashed out with a size thirteen boot, and the book flew across the room in a flutter of yellowed paper.

Ow! said a tiny voice.

Billy stuck a forefinger in his ear and twisted it savagely. Could'a swore I heard somefink.

You did, you big bully, squeaked the voice.

Huh? Billy's greasy forelock