The Funniest People in Art: 250 Anecdotes

By David Bruce

This contains 250 anecdotes, including these: 1) Political cartoonist Thomas Nast was also famous for his drawings of Christmas and of Santa Claus, and he was responsible for many of the ideas we associate with Santa Claus—the red and white suit of clothing, the workshop at the North Pole, and the reading by Santa Claus of letters sent to him by children. In a drawing titled 'Christmas Flirtation,' Mr. Nast drew Julia, his daughter, standing under some mistletoe. In England, boys followed the custom of kissing a girl, then removing a berry from the mistletoe. Once the berries were gone, the boys no longer were allowed to kiss the girl. The mistletoe that Julia is standing underneath is heavily laden with berries. 2) Did you know that the comic book heroine Wonder Woman was created for the purpose of serving as feminist propaganda? It’s true. William Moulton Marston—the man who invented the technological basis of the lie detector—created Wonder Woman in the 1940s. He explained, “Wonder Woman is psychological propaganda for the new type of woman who should, I believe, rule the world. There isn’t love enough in the male organism to rule this planet peacefully. ... I have given Wonder Woman this dominant force but have kept her loving, tender, maternal, and femi-nine in every other way.” In other words, according to her creator, the purpose of Wonder Woman is to help brainwash young male comic book readers into allowing women to rule them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: David Bruce
• Release date: Oct 24, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466136557

David Bruce

I would like to see my retellings of classic literature used in schools, so I give permission to the country of Finland (and all other countries) to give copies of my eBooks to all students and citizens forever. I also give permission to the state of Texas (and all other states) to give copies of my eBooks to all students forever. I also give permission to all teachers to give copies of my eBooks to all students forever.Teachers need not actually teach my retellings. Teachers are welcome to give students copies of my eBooks as background material. For example, if they are teaching Homer’s “Iliad” and “Odyssey,” teachers are welcome to give students copies of my “Virgil’s ‘Aeneid’: A Retelling in Prose” and tell students, “Here’s another ancient epic you may want to read in your spare time.”Do you know a language other than English? I give you permission to translate any of my retellings of classic literature, copyright your translation in your name, publish or self-publish your translation (but do say it's a translation of something I wrote), and keep all the royalties for yourself.Libraries, download my books free. This is from Smashwords' FAQ section:"Does Smashwords distribute to libraries?"Yes! We have two methods of distributing to libraries: 1. Via library aggregators. Library aggregators, such as OverDrive and Baker & Taylor's Axis360 service, allow libraries to purchase books. Smashwords is working with multiple library aggregators, and is in the process of signing up additional aggregators. 2. On August 7, 2012, Smashwords announced Library Direct. This distribution option allows libraries and library networks to acquire and host Smashwords ebooks on their own servers. This option is only available to libraries who place large "opening collection" orders, typically in the range of $20,000-$50,000, and the libraries must have the ability to host and manage the books, and apply industry-standard DRM to manage one-checkout-at-a-time borrows."David Bruce is a retired anecdote columnist at "The Athens News" in Athens, Ohio. He has also retired from teaching English and philosophy at Ohio University in Athens, Ohio.SOME BOOKS BY DAVID BRUCERetellings of a Classic Work of Literature:Arden of Favorsham: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Alchemist: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Arraignment, or Poetaster: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Bartholomew Fair: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Case is Altered: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Catiline’s Conspiracy: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Devil is an Ass: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Epicene: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Every Man in His Humor: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Every Man Out of His Humor: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Fountain of Self-Love, or Cynthia’s Revels: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Magnetic Lady: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The New Inn: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Sejanus' Fall: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Staple of News: A RetellingBen Jonson’s A Tale of a Tub: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Volpone, or the Fox: A RetellingChristopher Marlowe’s Complete Plays: RetellingsChristopher Marlowe’s Dido, Queen of Carthage: A RetellingChristopher Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus: Retellings of the 1604 A-Text and of the 1616 B-TextChristopher Marlowe’s Edward II: A RetellingChristopher Marlowe’s The Massacre at Paris: A RetellingChristopher Marlowe’s The Rich Jew of Malta: A RetellingChristopher Marlowe’s Tamburlaine, Parts 1 and 2: RetellingsDante’s Divine Comedy: A Retelling in ProseDante’s Inferno: A Retelling in ProseDante’s Purgatory: A Retelling in ProseDante’s Paradise: A Retelling in ProseThe Famous Victories of Henry V: A RetellingFrom the Iliad to the Odyssey: A Retelling in Prose of Quintus of Smyrna’s PosthomericaGeorge Chapman, Ben Jonson, and John Marston’s Eastward Ho! A RetellingGeorge Peele: Five Plays Retold in Modern EnglishGeorge Peele’s The Arraignment of Paris: A RetellingGeorge Peele’s The Battle of Alcazar: A RetellingGeorge Peele’s David and Bathsheba, and the Tragedy of Absalom: A RetellingGeorge Peele’s Edward I: A RetellingGeorge Peele’s The Old Wives’ Tale: A RetellingGeorge-A-Greene, The Pinner of Wakefield: A RetellingThe History of King Leir: A RetellingHomer’s Iliad: A Retelling in ProseHomer’s Odyssey: A Retelling in ProseJason and the Argonauts: A Retelling in Prose of Apollonius of Rhodes’ ArgonauticaThe Jests of George Peele: A RetellingJohn Ford: Eight Plays Translated into Modern EnglishJohn Ford’s The Broken Heart: A RetellingJohn Ford’s The Fancies, Chaste and Noble: A RetellingJohn Ford’s The Lady’s Trial: A RetellingJohn Ford’s The Lover’s Melancholy: A RetellingJohn Ford’s Love’s Sacrifice: A RetellingJohn Ford’s Perkin Warbeck: A RetellingJohn Ford’s The Queen: A RetellingJohn Ford’s ‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Campaspe: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Endymion, the Man in the Moon: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Gallathea, aka Galathea, aka Galatea: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Love's Metamorphosis: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Midas: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Mother Bombie: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Sappho and Phao: A RetellingJohn Lyly's The Woman in the Moon: A RetellingJohn Webster’s The White Devil: A RetellingJ.W. Gent.'s The Valiant Scot: A RetellingKing Edward III: A RetellingMankind: A Medieval Morality Play (A Retelling)Margaret Cavendish's The Unnatural Tragedy: A RetellingThe Merry Devil of Edmonton: A RetellingRobert Greene’s Friar Bacon and Friar Bungay: A RetellingThe Taming of a Shrew: A RetellingTarlton’s Jests: A RetellingThomas Middleton and Thomas Dekker’s The Roaring Girl: A RetellingThomas Middleton and William Rowley’s The Changeling: A RetellingThomas Middleton's A Chaste Maid in Cheapside: A RetellingThomas Middleton's Women Beware Women: A RetellingThe Trojan War and Its Aftermath: Four Ancient Epic PoemsVirgil’s Aeneid: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 5 Late Romances: Retellings in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 10 Histories: Retellings in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 11 Tragedies: Retellings in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 12 Comedies: Retellings in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 38 Plays: Retellings in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 1 Henry IV, aka Henry IV, Part 1: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 2 Henry IV, aka Henry IV, Part 2: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 1 Henry VI, aka Henry VI, Part 1: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 2 Henry VI, aka Henry VI, Part 2: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 3 Henry VI, aka Henry VI, Part 3: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s All’s Well that Ends Well: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s As You Like It: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Coriolanus: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Cymbeline: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Hamlet: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Henry V: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Henry VIII: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s King John: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s King Lear: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Love’s Labor’s Lost: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Macbeth: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Merry Wives of Windsor: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Othello: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Pericles, Prince of Tyre: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Richard II: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Richard III: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Tempest: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Timon of Athens: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Two Gentlemen of Verona: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Two Noble Kinsmen: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale: A Retelling in ProseChildren’s Biography:Nadia Comaneci: Perfect TenAnecdote Collections:250 Anecdotes About Music250 Anecdotes About Opera250 Anecdotes About Religion250 Anecdotes About Religion: Volume 2Be a Work of Art: 250 Anecdotes and StoriesThe Coolest People in Art: 250 AnecdotesThe Coolest People in the Arts: 250 AnecdotesThe Coolest People in Books: 250 AnecdotesThe Coolest People in Comedy: 250 AnecdotesCreate, Then Take a Break: 250 AnecdotesDon’t Fear the Reaper: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Art: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Books: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Books, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Books, Volume 3: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Comedy: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Dance: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families, Volume 3: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families, Volume 4: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families, Volume 5: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families, Volume 6: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Movies: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Music: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Music, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Music, Volume 3: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Neighborhoods: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Relationships: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Sports: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Sports, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Theater: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People Who Live Life: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People Who Live Life, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesMaximum Cool: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Movies: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Politics and History: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Politics and History, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Politics and History, Volume 3: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Religion: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Sports: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People Who Live Life: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People Who Live Life, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesReality is Fabulous: 250 Anecdotes and StoriesResist Psychic Death: 250 AnecdotesSeize the Day: 250 Anecdotes and StoriesKindest People Series:The Kindest People Who Do Good Deeds: Volume 1The Kindest People Who Do Good Deeds: Volume 2The Kindest People Who Do Good Deeds: Volume 3Discussion Guide Series:Dante’s Inferno: A Discussion GuideDante’s Paradise: A Discussion GuideDante’s Purgatory: A Discussion GuideForrest Carter’s The Education of Little Tree: A Discussion GuideHomer’s Iliad: A Discussion GuideHomer’s Odyssey: A Discussion GuideJane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice: A Discussion GuideJerry Spinelli’s Maniac Magee: A Discussion GuideJerry Spinelli’s Stargirl: A Discussion GuideJonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”: A Discussion GuideLloyd Alexander’s The Black Cauldron: A Discussion GuideLloyd Alexander’s The Book of Three: A Discussion GuideMark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: A Discussion GuideMark Twain’s The Adventures of Tom Sawyer: A Discussion GuideMark Twain’s A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court: A Discussion GuideMark Twain’s The Prince and the Pauper: A Discussion GuideNancy Garden’s Annie on My Mind: A Discussion GuideNicholas Sparks’ A Walk to Remember: A Discussion GuideVirgil’s Aeneid: A Discussion GuideVirgil’s “The Fall of Troy”: A Discussion GuideVoltaire’s Candide: A Discussion GuideWilliam Shakespeare’s 1 Henry IV: A Discussion GuideWilliam Shakespeare’s Macbeth: A Discussion GuideWilliam Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream: A Discussion GuideWilliam Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet: A Discussion GuideWilliam Sleator’s Oddballs: A Discussion GuideComposition Projects:Composition Project: Writing an Autobiographical EssayComposition Project: Writing a Hero-of-Human-Rights EssayComposition Project: Writing a Problem-Solving LetterTeaching:How to Teach the Autobiographical Essay Composition Project in 9 ClassesAutobiography (of sorts):My Life and Hard Times, or Down and Out in Athens, OhioMiscellaneous:Mark Twain Anecdotes and QuotesProblem-Solving 101: Can You Solve the Problem?Why I Support Same-Sex Civil MarriageBlogs:https://davidbruceblog429065578.wordpress.comhttps://davidbrucebooks.blogspot.comhttps://davidbruceblog4.wordpress.comhttps://bruceb22.wixsite.com/website

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The Funniest People in Art:

250 Anecdotes

David Bruce

SMASHWORDS EDITION

Copyright 2007 by Bruce D. Bruce

Cover Artwork

Copyright by Haiden Fouch, artist

Used by permission

***

The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls. — Pablo Picasso

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Note: Most of the anecdotes in this collection are funny, although some are thought provoking rather than funny.

Dedicated to Carl Eugene Bruce and Josephine Saturday Bruce

My father, Carl Eugene Bruce, died on 24 October 2013. He used to work for Ohio Power, and at one time, his job was to shut off the electricity of people who had not paid their bills. He sometimes would find a home with an impoverished mother and some children. Instead of shutting off their electricity, he would tell the mother that she needed to pay her bill or soon her electricity would be shut off. He would write on a form that no one was home when he stopped by because if no one was home he did not have to shut off their electricity.

The best good deed that anyone ever did for my father occurred after a storm that knocked down many power lines. He and other linemen worked long hours and got wet and cold. Their feet were freezing because water got into their boots and soaked their socks. Fortunately, a kind woman gave my father and the other linemen dry socks to wear.

My mother, Josephine Saturday Bruce, died on 14 June 2003. She used to work at a store that sold clothing. One day, an impoverished mother with a baby clothed in rags walked into the store and started shoplifting in an interesting way: The mother took the rags off her baby and dressed the infant in new clothing. My mother knew that this mother could not afford to buy the clothing, but she helped the mother dress her baby and then she watched as the mother walked out of the store without paying.

***

The doing of good deeds is important. As a free person, you can choose to live your life as a good person or as a bad person. To be a good person, do good deeds. To be a bad person, do bad deeds. If you do good deeds, you will become good. If you do bad deeds, you will become bad. To become the person you want to be, act as if you already are that kind of person. Each of us chooses what kind of person we will become. To become a good person, do the things a good person does. To become a bad person, do the things a bad person does. The opportunity to take action to become the kind of person you want to be is yours.

Human beings have free will. According to the Babylonian Niddah 16b, whenever a baby is to be conceived, the Lailah (angel in charge of contraception) takes the drop of semen that will result in the conception and asks God, Sovereign of the Universe, what is going to be the fate of this drop? Will it develop into a robust or into a weak person? An intelligent or a stupid person? A wealthy or a poor person? The Lailah asks all these questions, but it does not ask, Will it develop into a righteous or a wicked person? The answer to that question lies in the decisions to be freely made by the human being that is the result of the conception.

A Buddhist monk visiting a class wrote this on the chalkboard: EVERYONE WANTS TO SAVE THE WORLD, BUT NO ONE WANTS TO HELP MOM DO THE DISHES. The students laughed, but the monk then said, Statistically, it’s highly unlikely that any of you will ever have the opportunity to run into a burning orphanage and rescue an infant. But, in the smallest gesture of kindness — a warm smile, holding the door for the person behind you, shoveling the driveway of the elderly person next door — you have committed an act of immeasurable profundity, because to each of us, our life is our universe.

In her book titled I Have Chosen to Stay and Fight, comedian Margaret Cho writes, I believe that we get complimentary snack-size portions of the afterlife, and we all receive them in a different way. For Ms. Cho, many of her snack-size portions of the afterlife come in hip hop music. Other people get different snack-size portions of the afterlife, and we all must be on the lookout for them when they come our way. And perhaps doing good deeds and experiencing good deeds are snack-size portions of the afterlife.

Chapter 1: From Activism to Clothing

Activism

• In 2006, South Dakota instituted an almost total ban on abortions. Bill Napoli, a South Dakota State Senator, supported this ban, saying that women should not be allowed to have abortions even if they get pregnant for simple rape. (He did say that he would make an exception for a religious virgin who gets pregnant from a brutalizing rape.) Cartoonist Stephanie McMillan saw Mr. Napoli’s words as expressing a belief that women shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions for themselves, so she created a cartoon in which a woman character telephones Mr. Napoli when she is asked to make a decision about which salad dressing to use — the character asks Mr. Napoli, Roasted pepper vinaigrette or honey mustard? The cartoon included Mr. Napoli’s work and home telephone numbers, which many other women used to call him. One woman asked him whether her bra and panties should match; another woman asked him whether she should use tampons or pads.

• Fashion maven Sunny Chapman used to go to abortion clinics to protest — as a member of Satanists 4 Life — along with fellow activists Karen Elliott and Monika LaVey. At their demon-strations they wore devil horns and devil costumes and held signs saying such things as DON’T ABORT YOUR FETUS — IT COULD BE THE ANTI-CHRIST and PRO-LIFE IS PRO-SATAN. This usually made ordinary pro-life protesters uncomfortable enough to leave the immediate vicinity.

• New York City’s Guerrilla Girls use posters to protest art exhibits dominated by male artists. One poster asked, When Racism & Sexism Are No Longer Fashionable, What Will Your Art Collection Be Worth? True artists, the Guerilla Girls dress up in gorilla masks to gain publicity for their cause.

• Absolut Vodka once asked lesbian cartoonist Kris Kovick to draw a cartoon to be used in its ads. She drew a cartoon for Absolut Hurl, which depicted a woman vomiting while holding a vodka bottle. Not surprisingly, Absolut Vodka decided not to use the cartoon in its ads.

Advertising

• In many ways, Theodor Geisel, who is better known as Dr. Seuss, was a lucky man. In the 1920s, he created a cartoon for the humor magazine Judge. The cartoon showed a knight in armor lying in bed while a ferocious dragon hovered above him. The caption of the cartoon has the knight referring to a then-common insecticide called Flit: Darn it all, another Dragon. And just after I’d sprayed the entire castle with Flit! This cartoon resulted in a contract for Mr. Geisel to create advertisements for Flit because Grace Cleaves saw the cartoon at a hairdresser’s shop, liked it, and convinced her husband, a Flit advertising executive, to hire Mr. Geisel. How lucky was Mr. Geisel? When creating the cartoon, he could have used two insecticides: Flit or Fly Tox. He flipped a coin to decide which to use, and Flit won. In addition, Mrs. Cleaves’ regular hairdresser’s shop did not have Judge. Because her regular hairdresser’s shop was busy, she went to another hairdresser’s shop, where she saw the issue of Judge that contained Mr. Geisel’s cartoon.

• In 1934, artist Salvador Dali designed a window that featured nude mannequins for New York department store Bonwit Teller. Of course, the professional window dressers preferred mannequins wearing the clothing that the store sold, so when Mr.