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Punch, or the London Charivari, July 1, 1914
By Owen Seaman
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Punch, or the London Charivari, July 1, 1914 - Owen Seaman
Project Gutenberg's Punch, or the London Charivari, July 1, 1914, by Various
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, July 1, 1914
Author: Various
Editor: Owen Seaman
Release Date: January 18, 2008 [EBook #24357]
Language: English
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***
Produced by Hagay Giller, Malcolm Farmer, and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net.
PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 147.
July 1, 1914.
PROGRESS.
[Giving evidence recently before a Select Committee of the House of Commons, Miss C. E. Collet, of the Home Office, said the commercial laundry was killing the small hand laundry.
—Evening News.]
The little crafts! How soon they die!
In cottage doors no shuttle clicks;
The hand-loom has been ousted by
A large concern with lots more sticks.
The throb of pistons beats around;
Great chimneys rise on Thames's banks;
The same phenomena are found
In Sheffield. (Yorks) and Oldham (Lancs).
No longer now the housewife makes
Her rare preserves, for what's the good?
The factory round the corner fakes
Raspberry jam with chips of wood.
'Tis so with what we eat and wear,
Our bread, the boots wherein we splosh
'Tis so with what I deemed most fair,
Most virginal of all—the Wash.
'Tis this that chiefly, when I chant,
Fulfils my breast with sighs of ruth,
To think that engines can supplant
The Amazons I loved in youth.
That not with tender care, as erst
By spinster females fancy-free,
These button-holes of mine get burst
Before the shift comes back to me;
That mere machines, and not a maid
With fingers fatuously plied,
The collars and the cuffs have frayed
That still excoriate my hide;
That steam reduces to such states
What once was marred by human skill;
That socks are sundered from their mates
By means of an electric mill;
That not by Cupid's coy advance
(Some crone conniving at the fraud),
But simply by mechanic chance,
I get this handkerchief marked Maud.
This is, indeed, a striking change;
I sometimes wonder if the world
Gets better as the skies grow strange
With coils of smoke about them curled.
If the old days were not the best
Ere printed formulas conveyed
Sorrow about that silken vest
For all eternity mislaid;
Ere yet the unwieldy motor-van
Came clattering round the kerbstone's brink,
Its driver dreaming some new plan
To make my mauve pyjamas shrink.
Evoe.
THE ENCHANTED CASTLE.
There are warm days in London when even a window-box fails to charm, and one longs for the more open spaces of the country. Besides, one wants to see how the other flowers are getting on. It is on these days that we travel to our Castle of Stopes; as the crow flies, fifteen miles away. Indeed, that is the way we get to it, for it is a castle in the air. And when we are come to it Celia is always in a pink sun-bonnet gathering roses lovingly, and I, not very far off, am speaking strongly to somebody or other about something I want done. By-and-by I shall go into the library and work ... with an occasional glance through the open window at Celia.
To think that a month ago we were quite happy with a few pink geraniums!
Sunday, a month ago, was hot. Let's take train somewhere,
said Celia, and have lunch under a hedge.
I know a lovely place for hedges,
I said.
I know a lovely tin of potted grouse,
said Celia, and she went off to cut some sandwiches. By twelve o'clock we were getting out of the train.
The first thing we came to was a golf course, and Celia had to drag me past it. Then we came to a wood, and I had to drag her through it. Another mile along a lane, and then we both stopped together.
Oh!
we said.
It was a cottage, the cottage of a dream. And by a cottage I mean, not four plain rooms and a kitchen, but one surprising room opening into another; rooms all on different levels and of different shapes, with delightful places to bump your head on; open fireplaces; a large square hall, oak-beamed,
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