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    Funny Epitaphs
    Funny Epitaphs
    Funny Epitaphs
    Ebook82 pages33 minutes

    Funny Epitaphs

    By Arthur Wentworth Eaton

    ()

    Read preview
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherArchive Classics
    Release dateNov 26, 2013
    Funny Epitaphs

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      Book preview

      Funny Epitaphs - Arthur Wentworth Eaton

      The Project Gutenberg EBook of Funny Epitaphs,

      compiled by Arthur Wentworth Eaton

      This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with

      almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or

      re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included

      with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org

      Title: Funny Epitaphs

      Compiler: Arthur Wentworth Eaton

      Release Date: May 3, 2013 [EBook #42634]

      Language: English

      *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FUNNY EPITAPHS ***

      Produced by Chris Curnow, Paul Clark and the Online

      Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This

      file was produced from images generously made available

      by The Internet Archive)

      Funny Epitaphs.

      COLLECTED BY

      Arthur Wentworth Eaton.

      BOSTON:

      The Mutual Book Company.

      1902.

      Copyright, 1885,

      By H. H. Carter & Karrick.

      Let's talk of graves, of worms, and epitaphs.

      —Richard II, Act III, Scene ii.

      Duncan is in his grave;

      After life's fitful fever he sleeps well.

      —Macbeth, Act III, Scene ii.

      Let there be no inscription upon my tomb; let no man write my epitaph.

      —Robert Emmet.

      Friend, in your Epitaphs I'm griev'd

      So very much is said,

      One half will never be believ'd

      The other never read.

      [Pg 4]

      [Pg 5]

      EPITAPHS ON MEN.

      [Pg 6]

      [Pg 7]

      An old American epitaph:

      Under this sod, and under these trees,

      Lieth the body of Samuel Pease;

      He is not in this hole, but only his pod,

      He shelled out his soul and went up to God.

      ✠

      Another version:

      Under this sod, beneath these trees,

      Lyeth the pod of Solomon Pease.

      Pease is not here, but only his pod,

      He shelled out his soul, which went straight to his God.

      ✠

      Here lies the body of Johnny Haskell

      A lying, thieving, cheating rascal;

      He always lied, and now he lies,

      He has no soul and cannot rise.

      ✠

      An Irishman wrote the following oft-quoted lines for his epitaph:

      Here I lays,

      Paddy O'Blase;

      My body quite at its aise is,

      With the tip of my nose

      And the points of my toes

      Turned up to the roots of the daisies.

      ✠

      In Ballyporen (Ire.) churchyard, on Teague O'Brian, written by himself:

      Here I at length repose,

      My spirit now at aise is;

      With the tips of my toes

      And the point of my nose

      Turned up to the roots of the daisies.

      ✠

      Here lies Richard Fothergill who met a violent death. He was shot by a colt's revolver, old kind, brass mounted, and of such is the kingdom of heaven.

      ✠

      A Cornwall churchyard is enriched with the following dainty verses:

      Here lies entombed one Roger Morton,

      Whose sudden death was early

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