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    English as She is Wrote Showing Curious Ways in which the English Language may be made to Convey Ideas or obscure them.
    English as She is Wrote Showing Curious Ways in which the English Language may be made to Convey Ideas or obscure them.
    English as She is Wrote Showing Curious Ways in which the English Language may be made to Convey Ideas or obscure them.
    Ebook79 pages55 minutes

    English as She is Wrote Showing Curious Ways in which the English Language may be made to Convey Ideas or obscure them.

    By Archive Classics

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    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherArchive Classics
    Release dateJan 1, 2009
    English as She is Wrote Showing Curious Ways in which the English Language may be made to Convey Ideas or obscure them.

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    • 3/5
      Probably somewhat funny in its day. Has not stood the test of time. One or two good bits that the general public may enjoy but probably more for ardent language or history buffs.

    Book preview

    English as She is Wrote Showing Curious Ways in which the English Language may be made to Convey Ideas or obscure them. - Archive Classics

    The Project Gutenberg EBook of English as She is Wrote, by Anonymous

    This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with

    almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or

    re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included

    with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net

    Title: English as She is Wrote

    Showing Curious Ways in which the English Language may be

    made to Convey Ideas or obscure them.

    Author: Anonymous

    Release Date: June 30, 2008 [EBook #25933]

    Language: English

    *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ENGLISH AS SHE IS WROTE ***

    Produced by David Yingling, Dave Morgan, V. L. Simpson and

    the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at

    http://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned

    images of public domain material from the Google Print

    project.)

    English

    As She is Wrote,

    SHOWING

    Curious ways in which the English

    Language may be made to convey

    Ideas or obscure them.

    A Companion to English as She is Spoke.

    NEW YORK:

    D. Appleton & Co., 1, 3, & 5 Bond Street.

    Contents.

    Page

    I. How she is wrote by the Inaccurate9

    II. By Advertisers and on Sign-boards20

    III. For Epitaphs28

    IV. By Correspondents42

    V. By the Effusive56

    VI. How she can be oddly wrote71

    VII. By the Untutored91

    Prefatory.

    Anybody, said an astute lawyer, addressing the jury to whom the opposing counsel had reflected upon inaccuracies in the spelling of his brief—anybody can write English correctly, but surely a man may be allowed to spell a word in two or three different ways if he likes! This was a claim for independence of action which so commended itself to the jury that it won a verdict for his client. The same plea may be considered in regard to the truly wonderful way in which the mother-tongue is often written, by the educated sometimes as well as by the uneducated.

    A man, it may be urged, has a right to spell as he chooses, and to express his ideas, when he has any, as best he can; while, when he suffers from a dearth of those rare articles, he has still more reason to rejoice in liberty of choice in respect to the language he selects to cover his poverty of thought. Hence there are doubtless good and sufficient reasons for every specimen of English as she is wrote, which it is the object of this little book to rescue from oblivion, and which have, one and all, been written with the sober conviction, upon the part of the writers, that they accurately conveyed the meaning they desired. Intentionally humorous efforts have been carefully excluded, and the interest of the collection consists in the spontaneity of expression and in the fact that it offers fair samples of the possibilities which lie hidden in the orthography and construction of our language. Let it be remembered, then, that anybody can write English as she should be wrote, and hence that a certain meed of admiration is due to those who, exercising their right of independent action, succeed in making it at once original and racy, and in conveying, without the least effort, meanings totally opposed to their intention, affording thereby admirable examples of English as she is wrote by thousands.

    I.

    By the Inaccurate.

    In the account of an inaugural ceremony it was asserted that the procession was very fine, and nearly two miles long, as was also the report of Dr. Perry, the chaplain.

    A Western paper says: A child was run over by a wagon three years old, and cross-eyed, with pantalets on, which never spoke afterward.

    Here is some descriptive evidence of personal peculiarities:

    A fellow was arrested with short hair.

    I saw a man digging a well with a Roman nose.

    A house was built by a mason of brown stone.

    Wanted—A room by two gentlemen thirty feet long and twenty feet wide.

    A man from Africa called to pay his compliments tall and dark-complexioned.

    I perceived that it had been scoured with half an eye.

    A sea-captain once asserted that his vessel was beautifully painted with a tall mast.

    In an account of travels we are assured that a pearl was found by a sailor in a shell.

    A bill presented to a farmer ran thus: "To hanging two barn doors and myself, 4s. 6d."

    A store-keeper assures his customers that the longest time and easiest terms are given by any other house in the city.

    Here is a curious evidence of philanthropy: A wealthy gentleman will adopt a little boy with a small family.

    A parochial report states that

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