What All Children Want Their Parents to Know: 12 Keys to Raising a Happy Child

By Diana Loomans and Julia Godoy

What do children really want their parents to know, and what do children need to grow into thriving adults? Most parents have a deep desire to do what’s best for their children, but unfortunately kids don’t come with instruction manuals. Diana Loomans and her daughter, Julia Godoy, are here to help. They offer twelve powerful keys to raising a happy, responsible, and fulfilled child, including:
Teach by example
Allow room to grow and make mistakes
Give acknowledgment and show appreciation
Use positive discipline with respect
Based on a popular poem co-written by this mother-and-daughter team, this book is filled with inspiring stories, ideas, and exercises to use with children of all ages. The authors will help you focus on what’s most important, resulting in a parent-child relationship filled with mutual respect and love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: New World Library
• Release date: Feb 8, 2011
• ISBN: 9781932073409

Diana Loomans

Diana Loomans is the creator of The Laughing Classroom programs, and has been a pioneer in the field of innovative learning for more than twenty years. As a college teacher, she has developed and taught numerous cutting-edge programs for various universities, and has cultivated a reputation as a dynamic presenter - leaving participants inspired, roused, and highly motivated. She is the author of several bestsellers, including The Lovables, Positively Mother Goose, and 100 Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Teach Values, and has appeared on hundreds of television and radio shows as a nationally recognized speaker and author. She is the director of Global Learning and The Quantum Success Coaching Institute in Los Angeles.

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Advance Praise for

What All Children Want Their Parents to Know

Finally — a parenting book filled with great ideas from a child’s perspective! This exceptional book will empower parents to raise happy, unstoppable children into even more of their greatness!

— Cynthia Kersey, author of Unstoppable and

Unstoppable Women

Parents will want to keep this book close at hand — it’s so much more than a one-time read! This is the kind of parenting book you’ll refer to time and time again. It’s a simple yet profound guide to positive parenting.

— Holly Bea, author of God Believes in You and

Good Night God

Diana Loomans ‘gets it’ more than anyone else I know. How wonderful that she and her daughter have created these pearls of wisdom for families everywhere. Parents will greatly benefit from this book, no matter what the age of their children. Study it and live it!

—Lissa Coffey, author of What’s Your Dosha, Baby?:

Discover the Vedic Way for Compatibility in Life and Love

"Decade upon decade, we parents have been told to ‘listen to the experts’ so our children will grow up happy and whole. What a breath of fresh air to find authors who believe we must listen to the children themselves! In What All Children Want Their Parents to Know, Diana and Julia give practical advice on how to pick up on the way children express needs and react to the behavior of others, including ours! Page after page, stories abound — some humorous, some gripping, some heartrending, and all vehicles for an important message: unconditional love, the most powerful and empowering force in the universe, is the essential ingredient to happiness for all adults, children, and families."

—Elisa Medhus, MD, author of Raising Children Who

Think for Themselves and Hearing is Believing

This book is a superb how-to manual for the most important profession in the world! It offers parents the needed skills to transform the spirit inside of every child, and propel tomorrow’s leaders into their full potential!

—B. J. Dohrmann, president of The International Learning

Trust and host of American Dreamer

What All Children Want

Their Parents to Know

12 Keys to Raising

a Happy Child

DIANA LOOMANS

with Julia Godoy

An H J Kramer Book

published in a joint venture with

New World Library

© 2005 by Diana Loomans

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Text design and typography by Tona Pearce Myers

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Loomans, Diana.

What all children want their parents to know : 12 keys to raising a happy child / Diana Loomans with Julia Godoy.

                   p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN 1-932073-13-2 (pbk. : alk. paper)

1. Parenting. 2. Child rearing. 3. Parent and child. I. Godoy, Julia,

1977– II. Title.

HQ755.8.L666 2005

306.874—dc22

2004029815

First printing, May 2005

ISBN 1-932073-13-2

ISBN 13 978-1-932073-13-3

Printed in Canada on partially recycled, acid-free paper

Distributed to the trade by Publishers Group West

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

This book is dedicated

to every precious child living on this earth,

and to the devoted parents who love them.

CONTENTS

FOREWORD BY DR. BERNIE SIEGEL

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE

Teach by Example

CHAPTER TWO

Spend Quality Time Daily

CHAPTER THREE

Practice True Listening

CHAPTER FOUR

Share Laughter, Play, and Affection

CHAPTER FIVE

Give Acknowledgment and Show Appreciation

CHAPTER SIX

Use Positive Discipline with Respect

CHAPTER SEVEN

Allow Room to Grow and to Make Mistakes

CHAPTER EIGHT

Model Lifelong Learning

CHAPTER NINE

Live Your Values

CHAPTER TEN

Be of Service

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Have Faith and Optimism

CHAPTER TWELVE

Give Unconditional Love

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

INDEX

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

FOREWORD

by Dr. Bernie Siegel

I found this book to be full of wisdom and an excellent resource for perplexed parents who care. As the father of five I can attest to the effectiveness of the methods outlined herein.

Parenting is the world’s number one health issue. As a physician who counsels people with life-threatening illnesses, I have learned that those who grow up loved are a minority. I also know that if every child grew up loved by parents who had read this book and practiced its wisdom, the world would not be experiencing wars. The unloved are seeking, through their various addictions, the feelings of love and belonging they never received from their parents. They have grown up with beliefs to die by and not beliefs to live by.

If parents treated their children as well as they do their pets we would have healthier, happier children. When in doubt ask yourself, what would a loving grandparent do? It is not an accident that we have children and our children have our grandchildren and their children have our great grandchildren. The difference is in the maturity and ability to love unconditionally that comes to us with time.

Parents provide their children with both physical and psychological genes. What All Children Want Their Parents to Know will help you provide your children with the highest quality psychological genes and enable them to live long, healthy lives. It is time to leave behind your personal family experience and tragedy. My hope is that every parent reads this book and learns from its easily understood practical wisdom.

I learned a great deal from our children. When I lost my temper our son, who is a lawyer today, would say, Go ahead and hit me. It will hurt you more than it does me. But the son who ended any thought I had of ever spanking a child again said, If you hit me, I’ll call the police. I am a person.

Helen Keller said that deafness is darker by far than blindness. So listen to your children and heal your family. When a child grows up with self -love and self-acceptance her parents have produced a happy child and a happy child is a success.

INTRODUCTION

What do children really want their parents to know, and what do children need to grow into thriving adults? If kids could speak from the depths of their hearts, what would they want to say to their parents — the people who will influence them more than anyone else?

This book addresses these vital questions — from a child’s perspective. It offers twelve powerful keys to raising a happy, responsible, and fulfilled child, based on the popular poem What All Children Want Their Parents to Know. My daughter and I wrote the poem to represent the collective voice of children and to express the desires they most want the significant adults in their lives to know.

Each chapter is devoted to one of the stanzas and is filled with hands-on stories and ideas designed with the busy family in mind, including several exercises at the end of each chapter. Since most parents have a deep desire to give their children the very best, and kids don’t come with instruction manuals, this book offers practical guidelines to providing children with what they most need — one step at a time. Read through each chapter, do the suggested exercises, and post the poem, printed in its entirety on the following pages, in a place where you’ll see it every day.

By taking the time to read this book, you’ll focus on what’s really important and create more special moments. Many of a child’s most treasured memories of childhood happen in these small, magnificent moments.

WHAT ALL CHILDREN WANT

THEIR PARENTS TO KNOW

Teach me to love and care for myself

Through your own positive example.

I’ll learn from all your actions

And grow to have good self-care.

Notice me often,

Taking joy in my very existence.

I’ll grow up knowing I’m special

And help others to feel the same.

Listen to me with empathy,

Have an open and loving heart.

I’ll know I’m seen and heard

And grow to be a good listener.

Laugh and have fun with me often,

Be affectionate every day.

I’ll play and enjoy my life

And bring more joy to others.

Acknowledge me often,

And tell me when you appreciate me.

I’ll know that I am worthy

And learn to acknowledge others.

Teach me to be disciplined,

And correct me with kindness.

I’ll lead a life of dignity,

With the pride of self-respect.

Allow room for me to grow,

To make mistakes and have opinions.

I’ll learn to be independent

And to trust my own judgment.

Stay interested in learning

And following your dreams.

I’ll pick up your enthusiasm

And be inspired to do the same.

Be honest and authentic,

And live your highest values.

I’ll learn from your experiences

And grow to have integrity.

Teach me to be of service

And to honor the differences in others.

I’ll learn generosity of spirit

And embrace all walks of life.

Focus on what’s going right

And have faith during troubled times.

I’ll learn the skill of optimism,

With gratitude for each new day.

Love me without condition,

Throughout my ups and downs.

I’ll know that I am cherished

And bring more love to the world.

— DIANA LOOMANS AND JULIA GODOY

CHAPTER ONE

Teach by Example

Teach me to love and care for myself

Through your own positive example.

I will learn from all your actions

And grow to have good self-care.

One of the deepest desires in every parent’s heart is to raise a healthy and happy child whose life is meaningful and fulfilling. Most parents spare no expense to make this possible, working hard to provide a nice home, proper health care, good schools, fun toys, and extracurricular activities. All these things contribute to a child’s quality of life and well-being, but they cannot fulfill the deep longing that resides in every child, which is to see their parents taking good care of themselves and experiencing their own joy and happiness.

Kids seem to instinctively know that a happy, well-adjusted adult has much more joy, attention, energy, and love to impart than an adult who is stressed, overworked, or overextended. The image of using an oxygen mask on an airplane is fitting — only the adult who takes in enough oxygen first can be helpful to the young who are dependent on him or her for life support.

Put Your Own Self-Care First

Above all things, revere yourself.

— PYTHAGORAS

The first and most pivotal way to be a role model for children of all ages lies in the healthy, consistent care of you. Parents sometimes fall into the habit of putting all their children’s needs before their own, under the pretense that children always come first. Clearly there are times when this is this case, as when a baby has croup in the middle of the night; then it is appropriate to place all the attention on the baby’s wellness. And when a special event such as a birthday, graduation, or performance comes up, everyone naturally focuses on the special child for the day. But under normal circumstances, it is practical for parents to pay quality attention to their own lives first, knowing that a small amount of daily self-care is oxygen for the spirit. This translates into a calmer adult who reacts less often and responds with more perspective and grace.

When I was in grade school, my mother, who had four children, was advised by her doctor to take up swimming for health reasons. At first she was overwhelmed and wondered where she’d find the time to fit this into her schedule. To complicate matters further, my parents didn’t have a second car, and there was no gymnasium within walking distance.

But with a little ingenuity and a lot of determination, my mother came up with a plan that would support her health and model the idea of putting her self-care first. She paid a visit to the nearby high school and struck up a conversation with the girls’ gym coach. Before leaving, she boldly asked the coach if she would be willing to admit her into the freshman’s beginning swim class. Not quite knowing what to make of my mother, the coach said she’d check with school authorities and get back to her. Within days, my jubilant mom was admitted to class, making her the oldest freshman student ever to attend a beginners’ swim class!

Swimming did not come easily to her, since she had never learned to swim as a child. I remember seeing my mom practicing and sputtering in the bathroom sink as she struggled to get the rhythm of the crawl down, dipping her face in and out of the water and sometimes choking as she attempted to master this new challenge. I will never forget the day she came home from her first day of successfully doing the crawl in the Olympic-size pool. She was filled with a sense of accomplishment I hadn’t seen in her for a long time.

Her commitment to her self-care kept her swimming at the high school pool for a number of years. She became such a good swimmer that she began to tutor the scaredy-cats like me, as she put it. Even though it meant that she was not there on certain days when we arrived home from school, it was always a plus, since she returned refreshed and invigorated.

My daughter, Julia, has fond memories of walking with Granny to the high school pool and swimming alongside her as they pretended to be mermaids together. Julia attributes her lifelong passion for swimming to those early days when her grandmother made it into such a fun adventure. What a wonderful effect my mother’s simple act of self-care has had on the entire family over the years.

A small amount of self-care can bring an extraordinary amount of balance and serenity to you as a parent and to the whole family. For some, self-care takes the form of daily meditation; for others, a brisk walk or an early morning workout sets the tone for the day. Many adults find that by taking five minutes or less to plan the day, they save much time in the long run.

The key question to ask yourself is, What do I need as a daily dose of positive energy? Even if you can muster up just five minutes to set your intentions for the day or to do a few yoga poses, the return is worth its weight in gold.

Do What You Say and Say What You Do

What you are shouts so loudly in my ears,

I can’t hear what you say.

— RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Words without action have little or no impact. But when words are backed by living examples, they have the power to form beliefs and habits that can last a lifetime. Mahatma Gandhi understood the value of practicing what he preached and stopped at nothing to be a living example of what he taught. A distressed mother once visited Gandhi with her young child, greeting him with a single request: Mahatma, please tell my child to stop eating so much sugar!

Bring her back in three days, was all that Gandhi said. Bewildered, the woman and her child departed and returned in exactly three days. When Gandhi saw them again, he looked into the child’s eyes and simply said, Stop eating sugar, to her surprise.

Forgive me, Mahatma, but couldn’t you have told my daughter this three days ago? the woman inquired. No, madam. Three days ago, I hadn’t stopped eating sugar yet, Mahatma said with a grin. As unnecessary as this gesture may have seemed to the woman, Gandhi understood the importance of speaking from firsthand experience to have a lasting impact.

The power of influence by example works in reverse as well. Children who grow up in family systems ravaged by violence, alcoholism, depression, obesity, drug addiction, anger, verbal abuse, criticism, favoritism, or neglect have a much greater chance of contending with these same problems as they grow up. How can a child hope not to have a weight problem when living with a compulsive overeater? How many teens can bypass substance abuse when an addicted parent or family member in the household is not seeking help? How many adults never even entertain what their dreams or potential might be, suffering from low self-esteem after years of criticism and put-downs?

Saying, Do what I say, not what I do rarely has an effect. A child almost always acts on what