When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse

Written by Chuck DeGroat and Richard J. Mouw

Narrated by Jim Denison

Why does narcissism seem to thrive in our churches?



We've seen the news stories and heard the rumors. Maybe we ourselves have been hurt by a narcissistic church leader. It's easy to throw the term around and diagnose others from afar. But what is narcissism, really? And how does it infiltrate the church? Chuck DeGroat has been counseling pastors with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as well as those wounded by narcissistic leaders and systems, for over twenty years. He knows firsthand the devastation narcissism leaves in its wake and how insidious and painful it is. In When Narcissism Comes to Church, DeGroat takes a close look at narcissism, not only in ministry leaders but also in church systems. He offers compassion and hope for those affected by its destructive power and imparts wise counsel for churches looking to heal from its systemic effects. DeGroat also offers hope for narcissists themselves—not by any shortcut, but by the long, slow road of genuine recovery, possible only through repentance and trust in the humble gospel of Jesus.

• Language: English
• Publisher: ChristianAudio.com
• Release date: Mar 17, 2020
• ISBN: 9781545914090

Chuck DeGroat

Chuck DeGroat is associate professor of pastoral care and counseling at Western Theological Seminary, Holland, Michigan, and former teaching pastor of City Church San Francisco and executive director of City Church's Counseling Center.

Reviews for When Narcissism Comes to Church

[Sarah Entwistle · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book was super helpful for me on my healing journey, having experienced spiritual abuse from a narcissist leader and church system. It was such a relief to discover that how I felt is normal! And all part of the healing process. Thank you for writing/then recording this.

[Jeremy · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Not a fan of the enneagram stuff, but overall very eye-opening and insightful

[Mark Richardson · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Chuck DeGroat writes about deeply and dysfunctional leaders and power who exercise authority with subconscious and very conscious motives in our churches. He provides further resources for those who want a deeper dive into this part of our churches who cause others to feel traumatized. He points out genuine help is available through trained counselors to be free and receive loving and gracious healing.

[Cody Bryan · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A vital book for the current climate of Evangelicalism. I highly recommend it to those who are in leadership in the church as well as those impacted by unhealthy forms of leadership in the church.

[Emily · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I really like this book, but I’m also not in agreement with some aspects of it. He talks a lot about how he reached the narcissists hearts but I did not notice any mention of long-term recovery in any of them.

Throughout the Bible, we see examples of narcissists who were destroyed by God and shunned by Jesus. Take the teachers of the law, for example. He called them a brood of vipers and made an example of how wicked their hearts were.

Jesus did not seek to reach out to them again and again, he threw warnings their way and he separated himself from them.

I would hate to think anybody would ever read this book and feel they have some sort of duty to sacrifice them self in order to reach out to a narcissist. I do believe, like with Nebuchadnezzar, that a few may be changed… But only if They smack on rock-bottom, spend time in the fields of insanity, realize their hopelessness and call out to Jesus to restore every last part of them. I believe it will be a very, very long and difficult journey for any of them. It is not beyond Gods power to redeem them, but it is also highly unlikely given their bent toward self protection and lack of self-awareness.

[deusvitae · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

An exploration of the effects of a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) when they have wielded significant influence in a church environment, and what to do about it.

The author has much experience working with those with NPD. He discusses what happens when narcissism enters a church environment; he explains what narcissism means, how it gets manifest, from where it comes, and whereas all of us have some level of narcissism, to be able to see the difference with someone with NPD and its effects. He explores narcissism in terms of each of the nine types in the Enneagram and how each type can manifest narcissistic tendencie. He describes the kinds of behaviors and the inner life of a pastor with NPD. He goes beyond people and sees how systems and cultures can manifest narcissism, normally in the wake of narcissists in positions of power. He addresses gaslighting and the power it has over those affected by it. He then sets forth how people can heal from experiences with NPD church authorities, and extends hope that some with NPD might be able to come to grips with the fear and insecurity haunting them and find health. The appendix features an Enneagram based way forward, giving strategies for assisting those with NPD in each type.

This is a hot button issue, and the book covers narcissism and its effects well. I think most would like to see or hope for more on the assistance and healing end of things, but that is likely not realistic.

A good resource for those in ministry.

**--galley received as part of early review program