Selfish, Shallow, and Self-absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids

Written by Meghan Daum

Narrated by Johnny Heller and Jo Anna Perrin

One of the main topics of cultural conversation during the last decade was the supposed "fertility crisis," and whether modern women could figure out a way to have it all—a successful, demanding career and the required 2.3 children—before their biological clock stopped ticking. Now, however, conversation has turned to whether it's necessary to have it all (see Anne-Marie Slaughter) or, perhaps more controversial, whether children are really a requirement for a fulfilling life. The idea that some women and men prefer not to have children is often met with sharp criticism and incredulity by the public and mainstream media.


In this provocative and controversial collection of essays curated by writer Meghan Daum, sixteen acclaimed writers explain why they have chosen to eschew parenthood. Contributors include Lionel Shriver, Sigrid Nunez, Kate Christiensen, Elliott Holt, Geoff Dyer, and Tim Kreider, among others, who will give a unique perspective on the overwhelming cultural pressure of parenthood.


Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed makes a thoughtful and passionate case for why parenthood is not the only path in life, taking our parent-centric, kid-fixated, baby-bump-patrolling culture to task in the process. What emerges is a more nuanced, diverse view of what it means to live a full, satisfying life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tantor Media, Inc
• Release date: Aug 18, 2015
• ISBN: 9781494586171

Meghan Daum

Meghan Daum is the author of six books including The Problem with Everything and The Unspeakable: And Other Subjects of Discussion, which won the 2015 PEN Center USA Literary Award for creative nonfiction. Her other books include the essay collection My Misspent Youth, and the New York Times bestseller Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids, which she edited. From 2005 to 2016, Daum was an opinion columnist for the Los Angeles Times. She has contributed to numerous magazines, including The New Yorker, The Atlantic, The New York Times Magazine, and Vogue. A recipient of a 2015 Guggenheim Fellowship and a 2016 National Endowment for the Arts Fellowship, she is on the adjunct faculty in the MFA Writing Program at Columbia University School of the Arts. She is also the creator and host of the weekly interview podcast, The Unspeakable. 

Reviews for Selfish, Shallow, and Self-absorbed

[ezabeau92_832323051 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Funny and thoughtful. The writers offered their own unique perspective on the same complex topic. Great read!

[Lynne · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This is a typical essay collection for me in the sense that I loved some, forgot some as soon as they were over, and hated one (Lionel Shriver's is easily the worst essay in here because it doesn't support the argument it puts forth and is trying too hard to be edgy). Some of these were truly validating for me as a childless person going into my 30s, and I do think the collection represents many different takes on the decision to procreate or not. If you're interested in the topic, I would recommend listening to this.