Action Man’s toboggan n. A substantial and fast-moving, lozenge-shaped Sir Douglas, not dissimilar in size & texture to the popular doll’s gravity-assisted snow-traversing accessory.
Andrex worthy adj. Descriptive of a highly satisfying dump that one has deemed worthy of a superior wipe; a number two far too upmarket for any of that 1-ply supermarket-branded nonsense.
antiques roadshow 1. n. Sunday teatime TV show featuring Fiona Bruce slumming it with the unwashed hordes. 2. n. A Saga holiday, possibly involving coach travel with repeated stops for the lavatory.
arseterisk n. A brown punctuation mark left on the back of the bog seat by a previous inconsiderate or overweight sitter.
bathroom nutmeg n. During a sit-down toilet adventure, the unfortunate practice of unknowingly wazzing through the gap between the seat and the porcelain, thus creating an awful mess on the floor that must be surreptitiously and swiftly cleared away.
bodycam 1. n. Metropolitan Police-issue apparatus to prevent apprehended offenders getting a black eye whilst falling down the stairs. 2. n. Videographer employed at SA20 Cricket matches to find scantily clad birds in the crowd.
bollock brunch n. An 11am ham shank.
butcher’s cock, stiff and sore as a sim. Said of something swollen and painful, and sometimes pustular. ‘Did the
