The Oldie

I’m an 11-plus failure

Sheep is to mutton as pig is to… What? Bacon? Chops? Sausages? Shall I just hedge my bets and write down all three?

No, you idiot – it must be pork. The precious seconds tick away.

‘It’s too soon to be concerned, Mrs Bardwell. I don’t think they’ve let everyone know yet.’

I can picture my mother in 1970, standing in the hallway of our house in Purley, talking on the phone about the pending results of the 11-plus.

Fiona, my best friend, had just heard she had passed

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