Your writing critiqued
Zoe Allard currently works in finance while also studying creative writing courses and working on short stories and novels. This extract comes from a young adult mystery. She also writes a lot of poetry and has a blog about anything from books that have changed her life, poetry and prose, to expressing her experiences with mental health. Her blog can be found at https://positiveyetcynical35blog.com/ and she’s on Instagram at zoeallard86.
1 It’s a startling beginning, though if we look a little closer we see that there’s quite a lot going on. She’s woken up, she’s gasping and she’s sweating. Do we want the reader to focus on any one those in particular?
2 Upwards how? To a sitting position in bed? On to one elbow?
