Your writing critiqued

Deanne Field remarried in 2002, after a tumultuous ten years of social housing, no money, bringing up two children alone, 82 part-time jobs, and a list of worsening health problems. Now 66, retired and happily married to Robert, she lives in Cornwall. When Covid-19 and lockdown happened, her husband and children reminded her to write her story.

Standing up, 1 to open the very faded and grubby curtains,² and let the light from the grey February sky into the room,³ I pondered as to why⁴ I did not recognise them as mine;⁵ hanging there grubby and worn,⁶ gaudy colours clashing together.⁷ Not ME at all.

I tutted at myself, then the reality of it all flooded into my mind, I had to lean on the scratched arm of the scruffy chair, to stop myself from falling over, I felt very faint and dizzy. Thoughts sloshed My children, my children why weren’t they here? OMG, OMG, of course, I remembered, despite being in a crisis, the authorities had intervened, and they had been taken to school, by the nice lady who worked downstairs in the office of the Refuge. The look of evil my daughter gave me when she left with her brother was so painful, I do not think I will ever forget it. Not only because it hurt like hell, but it felt like it was cutting my insides to pieces. I may be in a deranged state of mind at present, but I can see what my decision is doing to her. Will she ever forgive me? I ask myself again? (I know if she had a choice she’d leave and go back to her Father, she hated her Step Father from the beginning, it was all wrong anyway, but it was my decision and they got dragged into it). Unfortunately for my daughter, she is trapped also, she is scared for me, possibly of me, as I am unpredictable at present, but she wants to protect me and her brother. I can see the pain and anguish in those green, gold flecked eyes so like my own. They should be happy, laughing…