Heard Around the West

Hello, everybody. I’m thrilled to be taking over “Heard Around the West.” I’ve been tasked with filling the very big boots of the venerable Betsy Marston, who has been bringing hilarity and wonder to these pages for years. I hope I can match the wit and marksmanship Marston brought to this roundup of quirky news, and I look forward to discovering yet more off-the-beatenpath stories from these Western states. —Tiffany Midge

OREGON

A rather reported that the special guest peeked into classrooms and pecked politely on doors before making his way inside to help himself to snacks, even perching atop some students’ heads for a chat. The visitor, as you may have guessed, was not a human, but a talking crow, or maybe raven, named Cosmo. Cosmo regaled both students and teachers with remarks like “What’s up?” and “I’m fine.” Cosmo also demonstrated a full command of expletives, though did not disclose exactly which ones. Animal control officers were called to the scene, but they determined that capturing controversial corvids was out of their jurisdiction. A wildlife officer from Oregon State Police also failed to net Cosmo, who made a game out of the capture attempts while the entire student body cheered it on. After the cops gave up, Cosmo retired in triumph and ended up spending the night outside the school. Eventually, his caretaker, Daphnie Colpron, who had been distraught over the bird’s disappearance during Thanksgiving weekend, was alerted. Cosmo was returned to her home, though Colpron insists that he remains a free bird. We think he has a good career ahead as a substitute teacher and are looking forward to his classroom remarks on the work of Edgar Allen Poe.