Trying our patience

There are sea slugs who barely need to eat once a year – a metabolism they seem to share with tracts of our public sector. Left to their own inclinations, the various ministries would only now be completing reports on the pilot trials for Covid-19 lockdown, “rolled out” midway through last year. They would be concluding that the benefits were inconclusive.

Medsafe would still be havering over whether Pfizer vaccines were safe. Pharmac would be cavilling at the price. As for hospitals’ emergency wards, rest homes and funerals – none of that bears thinking about in this grisly counterfactual.

The only situation that would