Frontline worker, pandemic mom: How one nurse did it all

Yarleny Roa-Dugan is not easily fazed. In her life, she’s weathered young motherhood, an early divorce, and the daily pressures of her job as a labor and delivery nurse. But the pandemic was her toughest challenge yet. 

Along with all the exhaustion that parents and frontline workers were facing throughout the pandemic, Ms. Roa-Dugan had to run the household and care for her own family when they were diagnosed with COVID-19.  

“We’re going into the profession wanting to help out, take care of people,” she says. “But this pandemic put us all into a bind. Do you take care of other people, or do you take care of your family?”

Still, she’s forging ahead. And she’s planning not just to survive the pandemic, but to come out of it wiser – with her optimism and determination fully intact. 

“Sometimes you learn the hard way, and this pandemic was a lesson,” she says. “We came out of it stronger together.” 

This is Episode 3 of our podcast “Stronger,” which highlights what women have lost to this pandemic and how they’re winning it back. To learn more about the podcast and find other episodes, please visit our page. 

This story was designed to be heard. We strongly encourage you to experience it with your ears, but we understand that is not an option for everybody. You can find the audio player above. For those who are unable to listen, we have provided a transcript of the story below.

AUDIO TRANSCRIPTYarleny Roa-Dugan: I left the hospital in May 2020. Samantha Laine Perfas: Why did you choose to step away? Was it voluntary? Were you part of layoffs? Like, what was the situation there? Roa-Dugan: Yeah. So it was voluntary, even though it didn’t feel voluntary. It felt like I had no other choice. Patients were not being tested. Visitors were still allowed. And they were not giving you the protection. The stress level was very high, very high.

[Music]

Jessica Mendoza: This is Yarleny Roa-Dugan. 

Roa-Dugan: I was born in Colombia, moved to the United States when I was 15 years old.

Laine Perfas: Yarleny is a health care worker –

Roa-Dugan: – a labor and delivery nurse, more specifically – 

Laine Perfas: – and a mom, with two kids. 

Roa-Dugan: So [a] 14 year-old-boy and a three-year-old girl. 

Mendoza: In other words, she’s part of the two most exhausted demographics of the pandemic: working moms and frontline workers. Yarleny is who we’re talking about when we talk about the women fighting to care for their families. And care for the rest of us, too. 

[Music]

Laine Perfas: I’m Samantha Laine Perfas. 

Mendoza: And I’m Jessica Mendoza. This is “Stronger” – 

Laine Perfas: – what women have lost to this pandemic, and how they’re winning it back.

[Music]

Laine Perfas: In this episode: The Nurse. 

[Music]

Mendoza: Like with everyone else in this series, we started talking to Yarleny in March. And it became clear to us almost right away: Yarleny is not easily fazed. 

Laine Perfas: Part of that is her job. Dealing with pregnant humans everyday takes someone who can pivot quickly, and think on their feet.

Roa-Dugan: We have to be prepared for whatever comes in. We don’t know when the babies are coming, even the ones that are planned. It’s still up to the baby. 

Mendoza: The other part is that Yarleny has spent years building up tolerance for high stress situations. She’s 33, but she became a mom pretty young. 

Roa-Dugan: Had my son at 18 years old. Got married ‘cause that’s what a good girl does, right? 

And she figured out how to raise her son during the day while going to school at night. It

Roa-Dugan: It took me six years to graduate with an associate’s ‘cause I was going part time. My schedule at school had to be around babysitting, so that was hard. I thought I was never going to end my schooling. But I did it.Roa-Dugan: It was a rough year, which I don’t remember much because I just worked really hard. I don’t know how I did it. But women are incredible and we just kind of rise to the occasion.Mendoza: Can I just say as an aside, you are very calm with your daughter basically crawling all over you right now. It’s adorable. Roa-Dugan: She does this whenever I’m at home. Laine Perfas: That’s so funny.Roa-Dugan: She’s attached to my hip all the time. Mendoza: Props to you, you are definitely a pandemic mom. [Laughter]Roa-Dugan: I decided on labor and delivery when I was having my baby. So I was that little 18-year-old not knowing what I was doing.Roa-Dugan: I want to work with girls like me that, they don’t know what – what’s going on. I like having that opportunity to at least be somebody that they can count on at that moment.Roa-Dugan: – most of the time it’s very happy. We are having birthdays every day, every night. Roa-Dugan: The dad would come out and push a button and then a lullaby would play all throughout the hospital, letting everybody know that there was a baby born. Laine Perfas: That’s so sweet. Roa-Dugan: And that was awesome. I love pushing that button. [Chuckles] The doctors love pushing the button.Roa-Dugan: For per diem, I had to work one shift per week. Laine Perfas: Got it. And was that to supplement the income of your full-time job? Roa-Dugan: Yes. Roa-Dugan: It was a stark difference. Like, at one place everyone had to wear N95s when going into a patient’s room. All the patients get tested as soon as they are admitted. At the other hospital, you had to beg for an N95. Roa-Dugan: As things got worse with safety and short staffing, I was more outspoken and the company didn’t like that. Roa-Dugan: That’s who you go to work for, pretty much, because you know how much you suffer when you’re there and you really need help and you call everyone and nobody comes. So every time they called me, I always tried to go and help, even if it was for six hours, half a shift, whatever I could do. We’re going into the profession wanting to help out, take care of people. But this pandemic put us all into a bind. Do you take care of other people, or do you take care of your family? Jessi Gold: And that study said 57% had acute stress, which is a measure of PTSD.Gold: We’ve always had a mental health problem in health care workers. This isn’t something new. So those of us who have worked with this group, were looking at COVID and going: this is going to be really compounding.Gold: When you think about how much time, money, energy, purpose – everything that we’ve done to be where we are? I mean, it’s a lot to give up. Roa-Dugan: That was the best thing I could have done. I was still stressed out – just regular stressed out from thinking about the pandemic, of course. But oh, it felt liberating. I felt like I had taken a weight off of me. My husband and my family felt the difference as well, because when Mom is stressed out, it affects everybody in the house.Laine Perfas: What do they say? “Happy wife, happy life”? Roa-Dugan: Yes. [Chuckles]Amelia Newcomb: Hi everyone! I’m Amelia Newcomb, the Monitor’s managing editor. Most of us know that the pandemic hit working women hard. But we may not be as aware of the amazing resilience women have shown in response. They’ve kept families moving forward, bolstered co-workers, rallied after job loss – and in the process, they’ve offered us windows on building a better future. These are the stories of “Stronger.” And if you’re enjoying them, I hope you’ll support more work like this by subscribing to The Christian Science Monitor. Just visit csmonitor.com/subscribe and join our community. Again, that’s csmonitor.com/subscribe. And thanks for listening.Roa-Dugan: Personally, I felt lots of responsibility because I was the only one bringing money into the house. Roa-Dugan: Even though he was getting unemployment, it was not the same. It was very stressful but I didn’t say anything. He was already stressed out. So I felt that I had to just bring the strength to the household.  Laine Perfas: During that time, did you ever regret quitting the other job?  Roa-Dugan: I am a person that looks at the glass half full. [Chuckles] So I always try to look at the positive. So I actually took it as it was meant to be. I was supposed to quit so I could take care of my husband at home. Roa-Dugan: That was the most stressful part of the whole year I think, when my family got COVID. We had – I had to use my vacation time –Mendoza: Right.Roa-Dugan: – which was not fair, because it wasn’t a vacation. It was the worst vacation ever. One month in that house, just taking care of my family. And then I was kind of threatened about not being able to go back to work. Roa-Dugan: That just bumped it up a notch. I – I couldn’t believe it.Yemisi Jones: What we were seeing is that there’s just a lot of variability. There really isn’t a consistent approach to this. Jones: And I think it’s sort of luck of the draw. So my institution early on provided, you know, backup child care, worked on flexibility and scheduling. But that just was a function of the culture and the environment that I happen to work in. There are lots of health care workers who don’t have the same protections of leave and vacation or sick time. Those are the kinds of things that I think across the country we could set standards for.Mendoza: Hi Leya, it’s nice to meet you. Roa-Dugan: She’s shy at first – Mendoza: At first! [Laughter] Laine Perfas: How many medals is that?  [Laughter] Roa-Dugan: And that’s when I did a fitness competition two years ago.Laine Perfas: You were the champion? Roa-Dugan: I won, yeah. Laine Perfas: So they gave you a sword?  Roa-Dugan: I was lucky. Yes. A sword and a medal.Mendoza: We want to hear how you’re doing. We haven’t talked to you in a couple of weeks. How’s it been? Roa-Dugan: It’s been great. Things are getting better, and that’s my light at the end of the tunnel. Roa-Dugan: Oh, my goodness, this has no comparison. This really doesn’t. It feels like a lost year. I don’t know how I did it, how I survived it. But it just happened. Mendoza: Do you feel like you were set back? Roa-Dugan: No, I don’t think it was a setback. Even though it was not what I wanted. You know, lessons in life are not sometimes the way you want them, but I think I needed to slow down a little bit. And – and see what was important. And this is something my 14-year-old tells me all the time. He was one of the – of the people that really pushed me to leave my second job. He said that I was working too much and I was going to burn out. And I was feeling it for a while already. I was feeling tired. I was pushing, though, because I like challenges and I don’t like to give up. But just hearing my 14-year-old tell me, “You’re going to burn out, you need to stop.” That made me realize that he … he’s right. Mendoza: Moving forward, where do you see yourself?Roa-Dugan: I really like working and advocating for the minorities. People like me, women, immigrants, people of color. That’s where my heart is at. I don’t know exactly where I’m going to go with it. You might see my name one day running for Congress or something. I don’t know.Mendoza: Hm, yeah? I’m being summoned.  Laine Perfas: [Chuckles] “I’m being summoned.”Roa-Dugan: Leya, she’s very bossy.  But we like that. We want her to be – to have a strong personality. Roa-Dugan: So last week I called in sick –  Laine Perfas: Oh! Gentle.Roa-Dugan: She was so excited. Then she said, “But what did they say?” I said, “Who?” “The ladies.”Laine Perfas: The ladies!Roa-Dugan: “The ladies that were going to have babies. What did they say? Are they sad?” Oh, I said, “Well, I told them that I will be there tomorrow.” She’s like, “OK, you stay with me tonight.” [Laughter]Leya: Noooo. Roa-Dugan: Tengo que. I have to go take care of them, the ladies that are going to have babies. Leya: No mommy! Mendoza: Good morning. Roa-Dugan: Hi.Mendoza: Hi. You still look super fresh.Laine Perfas: I know, you’re like, “Did I just work 12 hours?” You’d never know. Laine Perfas: Yesterday, when we were watching Leya completely boss around Jess, we were laughing about it, but then you and Leo made the comment that, “But we want to raise her to be a strong woman. It’s important in this world.” What is your hope for her and her future? Roa-Dugan: I hope that she’s as successful as she wants to be. I don’t want her to try to accomplish things because that’s what I want for her. This is also what I wish for my son, but I feel, for boys, it’s kind of easier, life in general. And I raised him to be a little feminist. So with Leya, I basically try to teach her to be strong and not let anybody put her down or tell her what to do.So the young – young girls, they’re so strong right now. They have a different sense of themselves. Maybe more empathetic. It’s like Leya surprised me when she was worried about the women at the hospital, that she thought maybe they were going to be sad because I wasn’t going to work that day. And she’s only 4 years old. So they just think and see the world in a different way. They’re more understanding and accepting of people, and we need that. Laine Perfas: How do you feel about yourself and your life and your family, as you think about, like, “I did it. I was able to make it all work”?Roa-Dugan: So when I feel down, I try to reflect on that. Like, “Oh, my gosh, look at all we did. Look at all I did during the pandemic.” I was able to continue with school and almost finish. We were able to accomplish so many things as a family. We came out of it stronger together. And now we have a better outlook. Sometimes you learn the hard way, and this pandemic was a lesson for a lot of people. And not just personally, but maybe as a society, we figured out a lot of things that we were doing were wrong. And hopefully that’s going to teach us to correct them. Mariza Rocha: For real, it’s not that I put too much cream on the tacos about the union, but if it wasn’t for them, I would feel alone.Leya: Oh. What happened? Mendoza: The song ended!Laine Perfas: You might have to ask it to play another song. Leya: Hm? OK. Alexa, play “Paw Patrol.” Alexa: Shuffling songs by Paw Patrol on Amazon music. [Music] Leya: Pawwwww patroooool…