The Joy of a Younger Friend in Old Age

Each installment of “The Friendship Files” features a conversation between The Atlantic’s Julie Beck and two or more friends, exploring the history and significance of their relationship.

This week she talks with two amateur surfers who formed a close friendship despite their age gap. They discuss “surf etiquette,” how the solitary sport created a rich community for them in Hawaii, and the values their friendship is built on: learning and trying new things throughout life.

The Friends:

Dax Garcia, 43, an adjunct professor and a doctoral student studying mental health at the University of Hawaii at Manoa, who lives in Kailua, Hawaii
Gayle Lanthier, 73, a retired airline agent who lives in Honolulu, Hawaii

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Julie Beck: Let’s start before you even met—tell me about your history with surfing.

Gayle Lanthier: I’ve always been in the water, but I didn’t start to surf until I turned 60. I said, “Well, if I don’t start now, I’ll never start.” Then I hopped on a board and just went with it. I’m not very good, but I always say I’m the best surfer out there because I really have a great time.

I went through a divorce after a 14-year relationship ended, and that brought me back to Hawaii. I was 39 years old the first