ROGER’S PROFANISAURUS

Amber warning n. A log dropped in a partner’s bed; a subtle sign that a romantic relationship may just possibly be heading for trouble. Named in honour of Johnny Depp’s estranged squeeze, viz. Amber Heard = Douglas Hurd.

and in local news… phr. Announcement immediately prior to a dispiriting report from our air pollution correspondent.

back lane bandit n. A local youth behind the wheel of a souped-down chaviot who knows the serpentine country roads upon which you are travelling like the back of his hairy-palmed hand and therefore drives right up your arse.

bargain bucket n. What one may eat when over-refreshed at the arse-end of a night out. An unappetisingly large and greasy fish supper festooned with batter bits.

1. n. Title of a 1974 song by pop-quiz-golden one-hit-wonders The First Class. 2. n. One of the kids that has been sent to the beach but has inconveniently returned to shore, intact, on the next tide. 2. n. A brown sea trout. ‘The sands are usually pristine but sometimes, due to the close