All hands ON DECK!

“Mr Dear could not have looked more shifty if he’d been spotted outside a jeweller’s shop at midnight in a Sid James mask, a striped top, and carrying a large sack marked with the word ÔSwag’.

And it was such a simple question too. ‘Hello, dear,’ I’d said as he appeared at the breakfast table. ‘What are you up to today then? Got any plans?’

You could virtually see the cogs ticking over in what passes for his brain. ‘Nothing special,’ he said. ‘Although Jane asked if