The Rapture of the Rumble

Let us begin with the facts, which are indisputable. Fact: Theologians unanimously agree that God intended that cars should be powered by internal combustion engines (ICE). Any other means of automotive power is heresy. I’ve written before about how awesomely cool ICE cars are. I mean, we are talking turntable LP cool here.

Also fact: Theologians agree on the reason why God likes ICE. It is they make—that basso-profundo rumble that stirs the soul as the car passes by—is a religious experience. Drivers of loud ICE cars should not get a traffic ticket, but a ticket to heaven.