Hard to Tell

One of my readers, who was writing a story based on family history, once asked me, “Are you okay with leaving out the blemishes in family stories?” This is a pertinent question, since anyone who has done family research will inevitably happen upon unpleasant truths. His question is also, as I thought about it, somewhat loaded, and not so easily answered.

All families have secrets, embarrassing events, or missteps that no one likes to talk about. And those writing family stories have to grapple with these actions and characteristics to determine whether or not they’re appropriate to include in a narrative. The goal is not to white-wash your history or to simply sweep inconvenient or unpleasant truths under the rug. Rather, you want to include only the details that are most important and relevant to the story’s narrative.

In this article, I’ll outline what I mean by “blemishes” in your family’s history, and how you should (or shouldn’t) include them as you write compelling family stories.

WHAT IS A BLEMISH?

First of all, let me define what I mean by “blemish.” A blemish is a fact of your family’s history that makes your heart sink, be it a bothersome event, crime, social transgression, or unfavorable character trait. Blemishes show your relative in a negative light, and make you ashamed of him or her.

However, blemishes are different from what I call in clothing, by contrast, just spoil the appearance of something.) For example, evidence of a father slapping his child once might be a blemish, but a history of him physical abusing others (traumatic for the people involved) would be a stain.