North & South

SINGING IN THE NEW YEAR

I’M NOT KNOWN for my dancing ability, and definitely not for my singing. Well, I am, but not in a good way.

Everyone has their 15 minutes of ignominy. Mine was New Year’s Eve, 2016. I’d auditioned successfully in front of the bathroom mirror and my time had come. The stage backdrop was my neighbour’s old bus festooned with coloured lights, à la . Umbrellas sprouted like

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