There's A Monster At Both Ends Of This Boat: 'Below Deck Mediterranean'

How did this happen to me?, you may wonder as a weekend afternoon sinks into the deep blue waters of the figurative Mediterranean. I had plans for today. I had dreams. I am still in my pajamas, and it is three o'clock in the afternoon. My bones feel like bungee cords. I may never get up.

Bravo has a lot of shows about weirdos who are obscenely rich, led by their many clumps of Real(ish) Housewives(ish) scattered across the country. It has fewer shows about the people who work for weirdos who are obscenely rich.*vertical (often actually a horizontal, hiyo!), which includes both original (set in the Caribbean) and the spinoff . Both of these shows are about crews of chartered "superyachts," mostly made up of young, adventurous hot people who leave all kinds of nascent careers to spend time inflating water slides for tycoons to rest their behinds upon as they rocket from the deck down into the sea. (Only temporarily. They are allowed back on the boat.)