<![CDATA[More South Korean women are filing for divorce, taking comfort in celebrity splits]>

Just days after the harvest festival of Chuseok, one of South Korea's two major holidays, Kim Jin-ju decided she wanted a divorce.

"I was just done living as a punchbag for my husband to let out his frustrations on," the mother of two said.

She is one of a growing number of women walking out of their marriages in the country, which now has the highest divorce rate in East Asia and ranks 14th among Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) states for divorce, with China in 27th position and Japan at 28th. According to Statistics Korea, divorce rates reached 108,700 in 2018. Divorce is still seen as a taboo subject in South Korea's conservative society, but attitudes are gradually changing as women become empowered and more people experience divorce, especially high-profile celebrities such as the "Song-Song couple", Song Joong-ki and Song Hye-kyo, stars of the hit Korean drama Descendents of the Sun, who filed for divorce in June.

"The reasons for divorce have changed tremendously as women work these days and are not at a disadvantage when they are in the process of going through a divorce," said Kim Se-ri (not her real name), director of a group assisting single parents.

"I think in this male-dominated society, women don't suppress their frustrations any more."

Domestic matters such as finances and personality differences have become the main reasons for divorce in South Korea. Photo: AP

According to figures from the Supreme Court, there was a 30.8 per cent increase in divorce filings in March 2018, compared to the month prior when Korean New Year's Day falls. This trend has been continuous from 2014 to 2017, as divorce cases increased 14.7 per cent, 39.5 per cent, 28 per cent and 13.9 per cent respectively in March for those years.

A poll from the employment website Career outlined the top three instigators for divorce during the holidays. Confrontation with the in-laws received the most votes with 21.8 per cent, followed by differences in treatment between spouses' families, which received 16.9 per cent. Arranging trips to both sides of the family came in third with 15.8 per cent.

"I wouldn't say the holidays are the direct reasons for getting a divorce," Kim said. "But I think that the holidays are when people are reminded about the old customs and mannerisms of Korean families, which includes the undertone that women are considered secondary to men in traditional families."

In the case of Kim Jin-ju, it was not the thought of having to spend full days with her in-laws over the harvest festival that shaped her decision to leave her eight-year marriage. "I really liked his family," the 50-year-old said.

Kim recounted how her husband got angry and yelled at her after she shared problems in their relationship with family members during the holidays. "He had this pride that he was the oldest son in his family, something that most Korean families respect. But to me, I just thought of him as my husband."

The road to divorce started when they experienced economic hardship. The couple co-owned a cosmetic business, but she took two years off after the birth of their second child.

"My husband ran the business to the ground and even got us buried deep in debt with my name on the papers," she said. "Economic stability is a must these days for married couples to have a healthy relationship."

This is especially true during difficult economic times, such as the South Korean foreign exchange crisis and International Monetary Fund (IMF) bailout of the 1990s, when many jobs were lost due to bankruptcies and lay-offs. A few years after the IMF bailout in 1997, divorce rates hit record numbers. Supreme Court data showed that while divorce rates began to hit the 2 per 1,000 people mark in 1980, it hit an all-time high of 3.54 in 2003. In 2018, the latest divorce figures available, there were 2.1 divorces for every 1,000 people.

Domestic matters such as finances and personality differences have become the main reasons for divorce in South Korea, as opposed to extramarital affairs, domestic violence and family disagreements, which were the leading contributors in the 1970s and 1980s. Data from the Korea Legal Aid Centre for Family Matters showed about 45 per cent of women and 60 per cent of men seek counselling for domestic affairs.

"We are in a time when both spouses are independent in their work and finances, and economic disagreements can arise," said Kim Se-ri.

Economic independence also comes with age and career growth. Women aged 40 to 44 experienced the highest rate of divorce, with 8.8 per 1,000 people, while men aged 45 to 49 got divorced at a rate of 8.6 per 1,000 people.

"I think people these days respect the decision of people who choose to divorce," said Son Min-hee, a day care centre worker. The 35-year-old single mother, who divorced in 2015, thinks perceptions are naturalising as more families are affected by divorce. A third (33.4 per cent) of South Koreans getting divorced had been married 20 years or more, data showed, while 21.4 per cent had been married for four years or less.

"I feel that well-known people talking about their divorces in a light manner on television has made divorce a much more comfortable topic for Koreans," she said, referring to celebrities such as the "Song-Song couple", former Korean basketball legend Seo Jang-hun and television personality Kim Gu-ra, who talk openly and lightheartedly about their marriage break-ups on air.

"But, there are preconceptions towards female divorcees, such as being promiscuous," added Son.

Kim Se-ri agreed that even if divorces have become more frequent and more openly discussed, traditional perceptions still exist.

"Most people don't speak out in public about their divorces, as conformity is still a dominant feature of the ideology of Koreans," she said.

"People are afraid of being an outcast in society."

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This article originally appeared on the South China Morning Post (SCMP).

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