In a Galaxy Far, Far AwRy Series

You don’t have to change any diapers here. We don’t go back that far. Sit back and wonder what Schizophrenic was like as a college dropout. What happened to Harrier after he won the Nobel Peace Prize. How Multipurpose rose to become one of the greatest weight-loss gurus the universe had ever come to trust. Because none of that actually happened. Cooler junk did, though. Like Multipurpose eating an entire bagel. Singlehandedly. Read about the history of your favorite In a Galaxy Far, Far AwRy jackasses: how they became who they are today. Who used to work as a recharge station attendant? Who set fire to a pile of old laundry? Whose urine smells most like asparagus? Or don’t. Don’t read about it. But you’ll always wonder about that asparagus urine. They all do. They all do.

The galaxy’s most unhinged lunatic has an extinction-level death ray...and an itchy trigger finger. Master Asinine has hatched his most psychotic scheme. He’s merged the galaxy’s largest crime gangs into a crushing force he calls the Bad Guys. Stay classy, Asinine. With a death ray at his disposal, he’s taking over the galaxy and putting everyone on a four-day notice. And if they don’t like it... ...he’ll nuke them instead. The galaxy’s only hope is Major Legion, Asinine’s ex-best friend. Tortured over his failure to stop Asinine from murdering their mutual buddy long ago, Legion must overcome inner demons to stop this army of thousands from exterminating everyone. But Asinine’s got a big surprise for an old friend... There’s nothing more dangerous than a psychopath who controls all crime. In a Galaxy Far, Far AwRy is an even mix of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Spaceballs, Avengers, and awkward eye contact from across crowded rooms. And it’s low sodium, if it comes to that.

In the future, disco is a weapon of mass destruction. Lieutenant Colonel Matross Legion and his Good Guys come under attack from archenemy Master Asinine’s newest scheme: infecting their automated space station with a virus that murders its victims to disco. Public-domain disco. With the station’s defenses turned against the Good Guys, death lurks around every corner and down every hall. Now they must find a way to deal with the virus...or die. With no place to take cover, can Legion and his squad survive the enemy’s onslaught...when the enemy is their own home? In a Galaxy Far, Far AwRy books are 15 percent more absorbent than the next leading book series.

Two soldiers, one mindless robot, zero weapons...130 decibels. Soldiers Power Plant and Franchise aren’t the first choices for a stealth mission. Brash and mischievous, at least they’ve got heart. But stealth becomes desperate survival when they crash-land on enemy ground. With a hunting party dogging them, their every move is a frenzied act to keep one step ahead. But that’s impossible when your robotic pilot speaks in car alarms. Can Power Plant and Franchise outwit the enemy long enough for rescue...when rescue is half a galaxy away? Did Power Plant even remember to brush his teeth this morning? It’s a race against death...with a robot that has no indoor voice!

Doomsday’s sitting only one floor down. When Lieutenant Colonel Matross Legion is invited to speak at the Intergalactic Peace Symposium, all he wants is a quiet weekend. But work follows when archenemy Master Asinine and his enclave of idiots take the building by storm. Their plan: capture and clone Legion. For some stupid reason. But a mysterious third faction joins Legion and Asinine, a new faction hell-bent on liberating the galaxy from itself...by destroying it. Their method of attack: a bomb that harnesses the power of every other bomb in its vicinity. A bomb waiting in the building’s basement. Now, as much as they despise it, Legion and Asinine must put aside their differences to stop the shadowy cloaked figures before doomsday strikes. And just who is this Lord Alpha who sent them anyway? Absolute hijinks ensue—or at least percolate—in this newest installment of the In a Galaxy Far, Far AwRy series. So get reading. But take a break around lunch.

Technology can now melt your face off. Disaster strikes at home for Lieutenant Colonel Matross Legion when archenemy Master Asinine attacks with a weapon that unravels your genetic makeup. Suddenly it sucks to have DNA. Now Legion and his squad must dodge laser beams raining death from above, because the slightest touch turns anybody to genetic soup. And when Asinine takes Legion hostage, what stands in the way of total galactic domination? This book pairs best with a red wine.

It ain’t easy keeping the most powerful man in the galaxy out of evil’s grasp. Military field leader Reef is about to begin his hardest mission yet: protect a man with a strange ability. The ability? To communicate with himself across millions of timelines. With the knowledge and experience of millions of himself, he’s a very wanted man. So when the galaxy’s foremost criminal leader, Master Asinine, captures him to harness his ability, nobody is safe. Because Asinine loves galactic domination almost as much as sausages. Now Reef must lead his squad behind enemy lines on a near-hopeless rescue operation, with the fate of the galaxy hanging in the balance. No pressure. Can Reef keep this immense power out of criminal hands? Or will Asinine exploit it for his own evil intentions? Will I ever shut up and let you read the book? Fine!