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The Funniest People in Books, Volume 2: 250 Anecdotes
The Funniest People in Books, Volume 3: 250 Anecdotes
The Funniest People in Books: 250 Anecdotes
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The Funniest People in Books Series

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Some samples: 1) Brian Garfield is the author of “Death Wish,” a novel about a man who becomes a vigilante after hoodlums rape his daughter and murder his wife. It became a very popular film starring Charles Bronson, who also starred in four sequels. Mr. Garfield got the idea for the novel after discovering that someone had used a knife to slash the canvas top of his convertible. The night was cold, he had a two- or three-hour drive home, and as he drove, he was thinking, “I’ll kill the son of a b*tch.” Mr. Garfield says, “Of course by the time I got home and thawed out, I realized the vandal must have had a strong sharp knife (convertible-top canvas is a very tough fabric to cut) and in reality I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. But then came the thought: What if a person had that kind of experience and got mad and never came out of it?” Writing the novel came easy to him—it took two weeks. Mr. Garfield jokes, “Several alleged friends asked, ‘What took so long?’” 2) When Norman Mailer ran for Mayor of New York, his running mate was Jimmy Breslin. Their rallying cry was “Vote the rascals in!” Both writers were known for living rather than merely existing, and when they spoke to police students at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, they ran into a police officer who asked Mr. Mailer, “If you and Breslin go ape on the same evening, who will run the city?” Mr. Mailer, of course, was an original (as was Mr. Breslin). Mr. Mailer had a column in the “Village Voice” for a while, but he quit after four months because a mistake in copy-editing had changed his “nuance” into “nuisance.” Obviously, Mr. Mailer’s beliefs, whether in literature or politics, were strong. After deciding to vote for Bobby Kennedy, whom he thought had a prep-school arrogance but was capable of greatness, Mr. Mailer wrote, “To vote for a man who is neuter is to vote for the plague. I would rather vote for a man on the assumption he is a hero and have him turn into a monster than vote for a man who can never be a hero.” 3) When ballerina Allegra Kent decided to write her life story, at first she thought of getting the help of a professional writer. This did not work out. When the professional writer met Allegra’s husband, whom she had divorced and who had had many affairs, the professional writer asked him, “What is the state of your pr*ck?” She also asked Allegra, “By the way, have you ever slept with anyone famous?” (Allegra disappointed her by answering, “I don’t think so.”)

LanguageEnglish
PublisherDavid Bruce
Release dateOct 25, 2011
The Funniest People in Books, Volume 2: 250 Anecdotes
The Funniest People in Books, Volume 3: 250 Anecdotes
The Funniest People in Books: 250 Anecdotes

Titles in the series (3)

  • The Funniest People in Books: 250 Anecdotes

    The Funniest People in Books: 250 Anecdotes
    The Funniest People in Books: 250 Anecdotes

    Some sample anecdotes: 1) Simon and Schuster once published a children’s book titled Dr. Dan the Bandage Man. As a publicity gimmick, they decided to include a half-dozen band-aids in each book, so publisher Richard Simon sent this telegram to a friend at Johnson and Johnson: “PLEASE SHIP TWO MILLION BAND-AIDS IMMEDIATELY.” The following day Mr. Simon received this telegram in reply: “BAND-AIDS ON THEIR WAY. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?” 2) As a young woman, ballerina Margot Fonteyn wished to educate herself and so she read many books, including James Joyce’s 'Ulysses,' which was banned in Britain when she read it. While she was reading the novel on a bus, Ninette De Valois asked what she was reading, then almost had a heart attack after seeing the title. She told young Margot, “For God’s sake, child, don’t read that in public—you could be arrested!” 3) When visiting Robert Graves, comedian Terry-Thomas felt that perhaps he had offended the famous poet with his sense of over-confidence, because instead of having an intellectual discussion about Greek mythology, all Mr. Graves talked to him about was compost, frequently stick-ing a fork into various maturing piles and making Terry-Thomas smell them.

  • The Funniest People in Books, Volume 2: 250 Anecdotes

    The Funniest People in Books, Volume 2: 250 Anecdotes
    The Funniest People in Books, Volume 2: 250 Anecdotes

    Some sample anecdotes: 1) Fan fiction—fiction written by fans using the characters they are fans of—has been around for longer than you may think. When Ray Bradbury was 12 years old in the early 1930s, he was a big fan of Edgar Rice Burroughs, author of books starring such characters as Tarzan of the Apes and John Carter of Mars. Mr. Burroughs sometimes ended a book with a cliffhanger, so the reader would have to buy the next book in the series to find out what had happened. After young Ray had finished a John Carter of Mars novel, he didn’t have enough money to buy the sequel, so he wrote his own sequel. Was it published? Mr. Bradbury says, “I was twelve! It was terrible! I threw it away!” 2) Chris Crutcher used profanity while he was growing up in Idaho, and profanity peppers some of his books for teenagers, such as ‘Stotan!’ When his first book, ‘Running Loose,’ was still in the editing stage, his agent suggested that a certain two-word phrase that was used frequently in the book might negatively affect sales, considering the audience for which the book was written. Mr. Crutcher agreed to remove the two-word phrase, and he jokes that by deleting the two-word phrase he turned a 300-page novel into a 200-page novel. During the time he spent editing the book, someone asked his mother where he was. She replied that she had not seen him for two weeks because he was busy “unf**king” his book. 3) Theodor Geisel, who is better known as Dr. Seuss, disliked some forms of advertising. He was once offered a large amount of money to allow one of his rhymes to be used in a television commercial. When he turned the money down, he was offered an even larger amount of money, and his agent, Herbert Cheyette, told him, “If you accept this deal, you will go down into ‘The Guinness Book of Record’s as the writer who was paid the most money per word.” Mr. Geisel replied, “I’d rather go into ‘The Guinness Book of Records’ as the writer who refused to be paid the most money per word.”

  • The Funniest People in Books, Volume 3: 250 Anecdotes

    The Funniest People in Books, Volume 3: 250 Anecdotes
    The Funniest People in Books, Volume 3: 250 Anecdotes

    Some samples: 1) Brian Garfield is the author of “Death Wish,” a novel about a man who becomes a vigilante after hoodlums rape his daughter and murder his wife. It became a very popular film starring Charles Bronson, who also starred in four sequels. Mr. Garfield got the idea for the novel after discovering that someone had used a knife to slash the canvas top of his convertible. The night was cold, he had a two- or three-hour drive home, and as he drove, he was thinking, “I’ll kill the son of a b*tch.” Mr. Garfield says, “Of course by the time I got home and thawed out, I realized the vandal must have had a strong sharp knife (convertible-top canvas is a very tough fabric to cut) and in reality I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. But then came the thought: What if a person had that kind of experience and got mad and never came out of it?” Writing the novel came easy to him—it took two weeks. Mr. Garfield jokes, “Several alleged friends asked, ‘What took so long?’” 2) When Norman Mailer ran for Mayor of New York, his running mate was Jimmy Breslin. Their rallying cry was “Vote the rascals in!” Both writers were known for living rather than merely existing, and when they spoke to police students at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, they ran into a police officer who asked Mr. Mailer, “If you and Breslin go ape on the same evening, who will run the city?” Mr. Mailer, of course, was an original (as was Mr. Breslin). Mr. Mailer had a column in the “Village Voice” for a while, but he quit after four months because a mistake in copy-editing had changed his “nuance” into “nuisance.” Obviously, Mr. Mailer’s beliefs, whether in literature or politics, were strong. After deciding to vote for Bobby Kennedy, whom he thought had a prep-school arrogance but was capable of greatness, Mr. Mailer wrote, “To vote for a man who is neuter is to vote for the plague. I would rather vote for a man on the assumption he is a hero and have him turn into a monster than vote for a man who can never be a hero.” 3) When ballerina Allegra Kent decided to write her life story, at first she thought of getting the help of a professional writer. This did not work out. When the professional writer met Allegra’s husband, whom she had divorced and who had had many affairs, the professional writer asked him, “What is the state of your pr*ck?” She also asked Allegra, “By the way, have you ever slept with anyone famous?” (Allegra disappointed her by answering, “I don’t think so.”)

Author

David Bruce

I would like to see my retellings of classic literature used in schools, so I give permission to the country of Finland (and all other countries) to give copies of my eBooks to all students and citizens forever. I also give permission to the state of Texas (and all other states) to give copies of my eBooks to all students forever. I also give permission to all teachers to give copies of my eBooks to all students forever.Teachers need not actually teach my retellings. Teachers are welcome to give students copies of my eBooks as background material. For example, if they are teaching Homer’s “Iliad” and “Odyssey,” teachers are welcome to give students copies of my “Virgil’s ‘Aeneid’: A Retelling in Prose” and tell students, “Here’s another ancient epic you may want to read in your spare time.”Do you know a language other than English? I give you permission to translate any of my retellings of classic literature, copyright your translation in your name, publish or self-publish your translation (but do say it's a translation of something I wrote), and keep all the royalties for yourself.Libraries, download my books free. This is from Smashwords' FAQ section:"Does Smashwords distribute to libraries?"Yes! We have two methods of distributing to libraries: 1. Via library aggregators. Library aggregators, such as OverDrive and Baker & Taylor's Axis360 service, allow libraries to purchase books. Smashwords is working with multiple library aggregators, and is in the process of signing up additional aggregators. 2. On August 7, 2012, Smashwords announced Library Direct. This distribution option allows libraries and library networks to acquire and host Smashwords ebooks on their own servers. This option is only available to libraries who place large "opening collection" orders, typically in the range of $20,000-$50,000, and the libraries must have the ability to host and manage the books, and apply industry-standard DRM to manage one-checkout-at-a-time borrows."David Bruce is a retired anecdote columnist at "The Athens News" in Athens, Ohio. He has also retired from teaching English and philosophy at Ohio University in Athens, Ohio.SOME BOOKS BY DAVID BRUCERetellings of a Classic Work of Literature:Arden of Favorsham: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Alchemist: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Arraignment, or Poetaster: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Bartholomew Fair: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Case is Altered: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Catiline’s Conspiracy: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Devil is an Ass: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Epicene: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Every Man in His Humor: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Every Man Out of His Humor: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Fountain of Self-Love, or Cynthia’s Revels: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Magnetic Lady: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The New Inn: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Sejanus' Fall: A RetellingBen Jonson’s The Staple of News: A RetellingBen Jonson’s A Tale of a Tub: A RetellingBen Jonson’s Volpone, or the Fox: A RetellingChristopher Marlowe’s Complete Plays: RetellingsChristopher Marlowe’s Dido, Queen of Carthage: A RetellingChristopher Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus: Retellings of the 1604 A-Text and of the 1616 B-TextChristopher Marlowe’s Edward II: A RetellingChristopher Marlowe’s The Massacre at Paris: A RetellingChristopher Marlowe’s The Rich Jew of Malta: A RetellingChristopher Marlowe’s Tamburlaine, Parts 1 and 2: RetellingsDante’s Divine Comedy: A Retelling in ProseDante’s Inferno: A Retelling in ProseDante’s Purgatory: A Retelling in ProseDante’s Paradise: A Retelling in ProseThe Famous Victories of Henry V: A RetellingFrom the Iliad to the Odyssey: A Retelling in Prose of Quintus of Smyrna’s PosthomericaGeorge Chapman, Ben Jonson, and John Marston’s Eastward Ho! A RetellingGeorge Peele: Five Plays Retold in Modern EnglishGeorge Peele’s The Arraignment of Paris: A RetellingGeorge Peele’s The Battle of Alcazar: A RetellingGeorge Peele’s David and Bathsheba, and the Tragedy of Absalom: A RetellingGeorge Peele’s Edward I: A RetellingGeorge Peele’s The Old Wives’ Tale: A RetellingGeorge-A-Greene, The Pinner of Wakefield: A RetellingThe History of King Leir: A RetellingHomer’s Iliad: A Retelling in ProseHomer’s Odyssey: A Retelling in ProseJason and the Argonauts: A Retelling in Prose of Apollonius of Rhodes’ ArgonauticaThe Jests of George Peele: A RetellingJohn Ford: Eight Plays Translated into Modern EnglishJohn Ford’s The Broken Heart: A RetellingJohn Ford’s The Fancies, Chaste and Noble: A RetellingJohn Ford’s The Lady’s Trial: A RetellingJohn Ford’s The Lover’s Melancholy: A RetellingJohn Ford’s Love’s Sacrifice: A RetellingJohn Ford’s Perkin Warbeck: A RetellingJohn Ford’s The Queen: A RetellingJohn Ford’s ‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Campaspe: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Endymion, the Man in the Moon: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Gallathea, aka Galathea, aka Galatea: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Love's Metamorphosis: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Midas: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Mother Bombie: A RetellingJohn Lyly's Sappho and Phao: A RetellingJohn Lyly's The Woman in the Moon: A RetellingJohn Webster’s The White Devil: A RetellingJ.W. Gent.'s The Valiant Scot: A RetellingKing Edward III: A RetellingMankind: A Medieval Morality Play (A Retelling)Margaret Cavendish's The Unnatural Tragedy: A RetellingThe Merry Devil of Edmonton: A RetellingRobert Greene’s Friar Bacon and Friar Bungay: A RetellingThe Taming of a Shrew: A RetellingTarlton’s Jests: A RetellingThomas Middleton and Thomas Dekker’s The Roaring Girl: A RetellingThomas Middleton and William Rowley’s The Changeling: A RetellingThomas Middleton's A Chaste Maid in Cheapside: A RetellingThomas Middleton's Women Beware Women: A RetellingThe Trojan War and Its Aftermath: Four Ancient Epic PoemsVirgil’s Aeneid: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 5 Late Romances: Retellings in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 10 Histories: Retellings in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 11 Tragedies: Retellings in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 12 Comedies: Retellings in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 38 Plays: Retellings in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 1 Henry IV, aka Henry IV, Part 1: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 2 Henry IV, aka Henry IV, Part 2: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 1 Henry VI, aka Henry VI, Part 1: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 2 Henry VI, aka Henry VI, Part 2: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s 3 Henry VI, aka Henry VI, Part 3: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s All’s Well that Ends Well: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s As You Like It: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Coriolanus: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Cymbeline: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Hamlet: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Henry V: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Henry VIII: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s King John: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s King Lear: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Love’s Labor’s Lost: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Macbeth: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Merry Wives of Windsor: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Othello: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Pericles, Prince of Tyre: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Richard II: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Richard III: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Tempest: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Timon of Athens: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Two Gentlemen of Verona: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Two Noble Kinsmen: A Retelling in ProseWilliam Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale: A Retelling in ProseChildren’s Biography:Nadia Comaneci: Perfect TenAnecdote Collections:250 Anecdotes About Music250 Anecdotes About Opera250 Anecdotes About Religion250 Anecdotes About Religion: Volume 2Be a Work of Art: 250 Anecdotes and StoriesThe Coolest People in Art: 250 AnecdotesThe Coolest People in the Arts: 250 AnecdotesThe Coolest People in Books: 250 AnecdotesThe Coolest People in Comedy: 250 AnecdotesCreate, Then Take a Break: 250 AnecdotesDon’t Fear the Reaper: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Art: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Books: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Books, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Books, Volume 3: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Comedy: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Dance: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families, Volume 3: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families, Volume 4: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families, Volume 5: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Families, Volume 6: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Movies: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Music: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Music, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Music, Volume 3: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Neighborhoods: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Relationships: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Sports: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Sports, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People in Theater: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People Who Live Life: 250 AnecdotesThe Funniest People Who Live Life, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesMaximum Cool: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Movies: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Politics and History: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Politics and History, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Politics and History, Volume 3: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Religion: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People in Sports: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People Who Live Life: 250 AnecdotesThe Most Interesting People Who Live Life, Volume 2: 250 AnecdotesReality is Fabulous: 250 Anecdotes and StoriesResist Psychic Death: 250 AnecdotesSeize the Day: 250 Anecdotes and StoriesKindest People Series:The Kindest People Who Do Good Deeds: Volume 1The Kindest People Who Do Good Deeds: Volume 2The Kindest People Who Do Good Deeds: Volume 3Discussion Guide Series:Dante’s Inferno: A Discussion GuideDante’s Paradise: A Discussion GuideDante’s Purgatory: A Discussion GuideForrest Carter’s The Education of Little Tree: A Discussion GuideHomer’s Iliad: A Discussion GuideHomer’s Odyssey: A Discussion GuideJane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice: A Discussion GuideJerry Spinelli’s Maniac Magee: A Discussion GuideJerry Spinelli’s Stargirl: A Discussion GuideJonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”: A Discussion GuideLloyd Alexander’s The Black Cauldron: A Discussion GuideLloyd Alexander’s The Book of Three: A Discussion GuideMark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: A Discussion GuideMark Twain’s The Adventures of Tom Sawyer: A Discussion GuideMark Twain’s A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court: A Discussion GuideMark Twain’s The Prince and the Pauper: A Discussion GuideNancy Garden’s Annie on My Mind: A Discussion GuideNicholas Sparks’ A Walk to Remember: A Discussion GuideVirgil’s Aeneid: A Discussion GuideVirgil’s “The Fall of Troy”: A Discussion GuideVoltaire’s Candide: A Discussion GuideWilliam Shakespeare’s 1 Henry IV: A Discussion GuideWilliam Shakespeare’s Macbeth: A Discussion GuideWilliam Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream: A Discussion GuideWilliam Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet: A Discussion GuideWilliam Sleator’s Oddballs: A Discussion GuideComposition Projects:Composition Project: Writing an Autobiographical EssayComposition Project: Writing a Hero-of-Human-Rights EssayComposition Project: Writing a Problem-Solving LetterTeaching:How to Teach the Autobiographical Essay Composition Project in 9 ClassesAutobiography (of sorts):My Life and Hard Times, or Down and Out in Athens, OhioMiscellaneous:Mark Twain Anecdotes and QuotesProblem-Solving 101: Can You Solve the Problem?Why I Support Same-Sex Civil MarriageBlogs:https://davidbruceblog429065578.wordpress.comhttps://davidbrucebooks.blogspot.comhttps://davidbruceblog4.wordpress.comhttps://bruceb22.wixsite.com/website

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