Attachment Styles are at the core of SO many relationship dynamics yet so few of us know much beyond "secure", "anxious", and "avoidant". Isn't it about time we learned WHY we behave the way we do so we can learn how to stop getting in our own way?


We're thrilled today to be joined by Eli Harwood, aka  @attachmentnerd , therapist, author, and attachment theory expert! Eli has amassed a massive following on Instagram with her attachment expertise and analysis. She is the author of "Securely Attached: Transform Your Attachment Patterns Into Loving, Lasting Romantic Relationships" and the upcoming "Raising Securely Attached Kids: Using Connection-Focused Parenting To Create Confidence, Empathy, and Resilience", so we could not be in better hands!


Today Eli breaks down those famed Attachment Patterns (spoiler alert: there's WAY more to this than secure, anxious, and avoidant!) and how and why we as adults behave the way we do in our relationships. (As Andy puts it at one point, Attachment is "EVERYTHING"!) We learn how much of a role gender plays, why some of us are different in platonic vs romantic relationships, and how much is nature vs nurture. There are also parenting questions for our caregiver Shandies out there! Shandy also gets personal with their own experiences that have shaped their own attachment patterns. Finally, the big question: HOW DO WE HEAL? Eli has the answers you've been waiting for and manages to deliver them in the most relatable and easy-to-understand way. As Shandy puts it, you just might see your childhood flash before your eyes! Listen on for a masterclass in YOURSELF. ?


Thank you to our sponsors!
- Go to https://www.babbel.com/DEARSHANDY to save up to 60% off your subscription!
- Go to https://www.shopbeam.com/SHANDY and use code SHANDY at checkout for up to 40% off!
- Go to https://www.apostrophe.com/SHANDY and use our code SHANDY to get your first visit for only five dollars!
- Go to https://quince.com/SHANDY for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns!
- Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SHANDY for 10% off your first website or domain!


More Eli Harwood, Aka Attachment Nerd:
- Books: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/series/0DV/attachment-nerd/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd
- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd
- Website: https://attachmentnerd.com


Time Stamps:
0:00 - Welcome To Eli Harwood, Aka @AttachmentNerd!
3:20 - What Is Attachment Theory?
6:21 - Can I Have More Than One Attachment Style?
9:48 - Attachment Pattern Breakdown
20:38 - Are Our Attachment Styles Set In Stone?
22:43 - Where Or How Do We Heal These Wounds?
26:32 - More Attachment Pattern Breakdown
31:39 - Can I Have BOTH Polar Opposite Attachment Styles?
34:21 - Does The Caregiver’s Gender Matter?
34:31 - How Much Is Nurture Vs Nature?
36:47 - Is There A Connection Between Which Caregiver And Which Type Of Adult Relationship (Eg. Romantic Vs Platonic) ?
38:38 - Shandy Asks Questions For “Friends”
43:23 - Where Does Attachment Rank In Terms Of Difficulty To Change?
45:53 - Is Finding Your “People” A Form Of Healing?
46:28 - Does The Anxious-Avoidant Romantic Dynamic Ever Work? At What Point Is It Not “Worth It”?
57:51 - Tips For Anxious Types When They Spiral In The Wrong Direction
1:02:44 - How To Know If A Child Is Securely Attached
1:04:56 - How Self Aware Is The Parent Who Even Asks These Questions?
1:07:24 - Is Your Grief As Bad As You Think It Is?
1:07:43 - 4 Steps For Raising Securely Attached Kids
1:11:00 - Andy Plays Devil’s Advocate
1:15:36 - What If Your Child Is Behaving Inappropriately?
1:19:39 - Shandy Debrief


If you have a relationship question, write us at: dearshandy@gmail.com
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices