Let's be real: For many men, it's often hard to figure out women. Moods change quickly, and often you know something is going on but you're not sure what (or how to find out). It's also hard when you feel like nothing you do is ever enough for her.Here we talk about feminine testing, and what it means to play with it by tussling. When she pushes your boundaries or overreacts to something seemingly small, what's really going on? Why does she seem to pick fights sometimes, but other times melt in your arms? And more importantly, how do you handle this in a way that actually builds connection for both of you?Hint: If you don't want negative emotional tension in your relationship, you need to get skilled at positive emotional tension.Whether you're dating, in a long-term relationship like a marriage, or anywhere in between, positive emotional tension helps with everything from connection to sex to a really hot date night.We also outline the difference between tussling — healthy, positive emotional tension — and abuse. To be in healthy relationship you must know the signs of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and how to avoid partners with that patterning. We also delve into loving, conscious dominance -- which frequently leads to smokin' hot sex. ;)Memorable quotes from this episode:"Having a PhD really didn’t help much when it came to my relationships!"We all get needy.”“If I've got you arguing with me, at least I’ve got your attention.”Mentioned on this episode:Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) - an evidence-based treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron