I arrive on the playground every day carrying my tomes of Prima Strategy Guides and printouts from GameFaqs. I sit atop the slide like a mad king as peasants bring their GameBoy Colors and crowd around the rungs, eager to climb up and allow me to bless them with my wisdom. I tell them "Nay, you must climb the slide to speak to me. The ladder's rungs are for I alone to climb." They only make it halfway up before the slide takes hold of them; and like a bowling ball they careen down into the masses of other third graders hoping to glimpse into my stack of parchment. I often whisper rumors, like deleting your save file will allow you to capture Mew, like speaking to the phone one million times will bring Ness' father back. They listen to me, because I am the keeper of knowledge, and nobody else has enough room in their backpack to challenge me.

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Games Discussed: Apex Legends, Pokemon Sword & Shield, Final Fantasy IX

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Things Discussed: Stephen thought Crash Bandicoot was real, Third Grade, possible Apex Legends characters, every Pokemon starter, what Pokemon could we feel okay about eating, Pokemon Sword & Shield, Gex, Crash Bandicoot Returns), Fangamer dot com is not a pyramid scheme, Final Fantasy IX, cheat codes are okay, card games

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