Rebuilding our identity after divorcing religion can feel like a daunting task. At some point, we must determine our post-religious values and confront identities which were placed on us by our parents and religious community. Once we have established who we are not, it is time to consider whom we wish to be and take steps in that direction. At this point, you must call upon the courage to be yourself, which has ramifications in every imaginable arena, from sexuality to social media.
Janice Selbie, RPC joins us once again to share tips on coping with leaving our past identity behind and finding the courage to rebuild our new identities after transitioning out of religion.
Janice was born and raised in a charismatic Christian home, attending Pentecostal,
Vineyard, and other Evangelical churches before eventually marrying a man who would become a pastor. In her 30s she became ultraconservative, donning a head-covering, homeschooling their children, and rejecting any vestiges of secular life (TV, radio, music, newspapers, magazines, etc.). “I referred to myself as ‘Mennocostal,’ frequently attending closed Mennonite churches run by the Holdeman Mennonites.”
It wasn’t until her 40s that Janice began experiencing doubts about her deeply held faith. As her marriage unraveled, her questions grew. She found herself wondering about the impact of religion on sexuality, gender roles and equality, social justice, and more.
“Not permitted to explore these questions, I felt like a beach ball held beneath the water for too long. My sadness, confusion, and anger threatened to explode if something didn't change.”
After ending her decades-long marriage, Janice went back to school to attain her Diploma of Applied Psychology and Counselling.
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Any time you are struggling with religious doubts or fears you can connect with a trained RfR Helpline agent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To chat online go to http://www.recoveringfromreligion.org.
To talk over the phone, dial:
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Peer support is also available through local support groups. These groups offer monthly in-person meetings as a place to express doubts, fears, emotions & concerns about religion you wouldn't normally feel comfortable expressing in a religious community. Find your nearest support group at https://www.meetup.com/pro/recovering-from-religion
If you are in need of professional help, we can offer the Secular Therapy Project to provide options to connect with a professional therapist. All therapists have been thoroughly vetted by our organization and offer only evidence-based and non-religious treatment. Connect with them at http://www.seculartherapy.org.
RfR has an immense collection of well-curated resources available as you go through your journey, including resources for mental and physical crises, working with relationships, issues stemming from specific religions, coming out stories, and much more. Head to https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/resources for these helpful resources.
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