Round 1 (10:49:53): Cons got engaged recently and I’d bet responsibly on the Barstool Sports Book that, unlike a lovely couple from New York, he’s not gonna try to sail on the open seas until he join ISIS.

Round 2 (19:09:35): You’ll never guess how many dicks a baby in Iraq has.

Round 3 (28:36:83): I can’t tell you what round 3 is but let me just say, this story is the most hubris I’ve ever seen in print. Ever.

Round 4 (35:12:41): There’s certain animals you cannot admit that you’ve been attacked by. A fella down under didn’t abide by that rule so now I’m gonna make fun of him for about 7 minutes.

Round 5 (39:12:54): Update the safety brief. Some fellas- once again down under - were doin a little sex goofin but things went a little awry with a machete as they are prone to do.