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Round 1: Things are getting strange when you’re lookin for a little strange from a dude who works with a terrorist group in Syria. When a seriously horny Army vet decided she wanted to provide weapons to an Al Queda operative, she probably should have just jerked off.

Round 2: Momma told me not to but I did it anyway, misbehavin. The innocent and pure Coast Guard is filled with scandals. The goody-two-shoes branch had a scheme uncovered where people were cheating on tests! The horror!

Round 3: Mind control. The military wants to start using mind control on the battlefield. What could go wrong?

Round 4: Cons sat down with Chick Donohue, an absolute legend who went on the single greatest beer run known to man. This story from the battlefield of Vietnam will drop your draw more than ole Nate Robinson.

Round 5: George Clooney has been getting barracks cuts for 25 years. Eat shit, 1st Sgt.

Song at the end is "Peaches" by The Presidents f The United States of America