ROUND 1: On the Gulf Coast near Fort Meyers there’s a little restaurant that shares the same name as ‘ol Capn Cons. We’ll read the Yelp reviews for both of them and boy we hope you like things roasted.

ROUND 2: A former Afghan police chief has pulled a big time Benedict Arnold and switched sides to join the Taliban in what is thought to be one of the highest-level defections to those assholes yet.

ROUND 3: A Chief Warrant Officer and spokesman for Parris Island Recruit Depot is knife-handing trolls all over Facebook. Comment at your own risk there, yoo-hoos.

ROUND 4: Military flyovers - so hot right now. It seems like every major city is getting one, but did you know you can also request one anywhere in the country?? What sort of air support would you want at your next big bash?

Round 5: An attack that took place in the maternity ward of a Kabul hospital this week has shocked the world and devastated the people of Afghanistan.