No, we’re not talking about the global coronavirus pandemic. Phil is worried about a record-breaking locust swarm, an army of 100,000 Chinese ducks, and a new line of “self-care” Barbies complete with a meditation app—because America isn’t self-focused enough. Also this week, screen use and a decline in exposure to sunshine are elongating human eyeballs. The Southern Baptists appear determined to eliminate anyone respected by outsiders from their ranks. Christian updates us on her WWII documentary project, and why does a French tire company rank restaurants.