Atomic Shepherd: Inspired by a Real Life Story

By George Zavershinskiy

Amid Cold War tensions, a gifted nuclear physicist – poised to become the future father of new weapons – shockingly gains religious faith. Seeking to confess this revelation, he enters the priesthood, finding purpose but facing myriad trials.

His startling 1970s conversion from secret Soviet weapon scientist to devout priest elicits incomprehension and suspicion on all sides. Colleagues shun him as studies now intermix seminary training with Siberia’s nuclear work. His transfer to a lowly role with barred access quashes the prestige of high-stakes research. Friends and family largely abandon the zealous convert, except for his steadfast wife and parents.

Ostracized yet undaunted, Father Alexander persists in his ecclesiastical calling even unto Chernobyl’s radioactive inferno, ministering to desperate liquidators staring mortality in the face. There, on the fourth block, he was given a nickname – ‘Atomic Shepherd’. Upon returning to Moscow, few of them will reach old age.

The ‘Atomic Shepherd’ is the last to leave among his spiritual friends – he still has time to complete his confession.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Apr 26, 2024
• ISBN: 9781035841332

George Zavershinskiy

George Zavershinskiy was born in the north of Russia, in Severodvinsk, lived in Moscow until he moved to Ireland for nine years. Then he lived in Edinburgh for ten years, and now lives in Dublin. George started his career as an engineer-physicist, a researcher in the field of nuclear reactor control. After the tragedy of Chernobyl, he changed his views and began to study theology and philosophy. Becoming a priest, he was sent abroad. George published several books on theology, and then began to write novels, while continuing to serve as a priest.

Book preview

Prologue

The blue, pale face of a person lying on a hospital bed did not give much hope. His condition did not improve. On the contrary, it was clear that he was getting worse. Next to the bed on a low high chair was sitting a pretty middle-aged woman. Her skinny face was focussed; her glasses slid on her nose; and it was read in wide open big eyes: I’m with you, next to you, and it will always be like that! The depth of her endless care focussed on the special proximity of these people. Indeed, they were spouses.

Anechka, honey, said the man clearly, you could put me a pillow to sit on the bed more comfortably.

Yes, Sasha… She kept a pillow to the iron back of the bed. So good, are you comfortable to get your diaries?

Great! he sat down and smiled. Yes, yes, please notebook and pen. They are on the bedside table.

I can’t find where they are? she opened the top drawer and looked inside.

Well, there, on the top shelf, next to the glasses case, shove your hand…

Yeah, I think I found… a case.

So…? Look, there on the right.

Anna leaned over her husband’s bedside table. He followed her movements anxiously. That’s how the patient looks at the nurse’s movements waiting for an anaesthetic injection. It’ll let go a little more… the endless pain will weaken and then calm down completely.

Dig around there properly, Anya.

Here, I finally found it!

Thank you. It’s like something let him go. You know, my therapy is to write and write without stopping so as not to lose thought. And, most importantly, to have time to finish.

Yes, Sasha, I know.

Finally, a notebook with the inscription ‘Confession’ and a pen appeared. The patient calmed down and, sitting comfortably on the bed, began to look at the text with reverence. His focussed face reflected every comma or, conversely, the absence of a comma where it needed to be.

***

What a pleasure when there was no pain! Existence came up again with all the energy—‘life inhabits’—from his favourite expression Father Alexander, the rector of a small church near Moscow, felt an influx of joy, like the one that seized his heart, who read the ancient words of John Chrysostom during the Easter service. When was that? In the hospital, time froze as if the clockwork had rusted and the clock hanging over the main entrance was slower and slower.

Nevertheless, the arrow was still approaching the marked line. Soon the call was supposed to ring, and it didn’t ring as if that line was pushed back with all their strength, not agreeing to start ringing. For whom will the bell toll today?

How’s your clinic, Anya?

Yesterday, the head of our department was removed, and… no one knows until what time his place will be vacant?

How to which ones. Until I recover, so that you can occupy it, Father Alexander tried to joke.

Hmm… they wouldn’t have appointed that lady from the central board, remember that you persistently found out how in our department. Then, probably, the reports were drawn up…

And where will they know about us upstairs? So they’re gathering a little bit. Who will tell you what and write? But, if everything is fine, there seems to be nothing to write about.

It doesn’t happen that ‘everything is fine’. Flaws are found in the most unexpected things… even where they couldn’t be.

Yeah?

So disposable syringes both suddenly appeared and ended. We’ve come back to the previous one, boiling the old-fashioned ones used, and here’s the order, only disposable! But where can I get them? Why cancel anaesthesia? Imagine, the nurse comes to you in the morning and says. ‘There will be no trample today, no syringes!’

And I clenched my teeth, suf-fer-ring… Father Alexander smiled sadly. And what humility happens from pain, wow!

You’re all about yours, Sasha, and how many people will be unbearably hard just because an order came from above. It would be good, but in addition to signed paper, real syringes are needed.

Oh, you’re right, honey! Full of ‘approval’… he looked at his wife with tenderness.

Really, won’t you get on everyone? There is safe protection against the virus for someone and to endure and accept it for some others.

Sitting on a chair next to the bed, the woman fell silent, and the priest was already looking through the records, correcting something and, from time to time thought deeply, looking into the space right in front of him.

***

It was she, my kind and sweet Anechka, who endured everything on her thin, but so stable legs and narrow, almost girlish shoulders, thought Father Alexander, not looking at his wife, but simply physically feeling her constant presence. Without an attentive and devoted person, there is not a single accomplishment, great or small. And behind all this life… not a system of equations, at least in its fullness, but confused breathing, tears and joy, pain and peace…

If it wasn’t for Anya, I lie here alone and convince myself, saying philosophically that you’re taken from dust and you’ll go back to dust. I’m really alive with her, not philosophically! No matter how much you customise your mind, your soul and body are waiting for their own: this one, so that it is warm and calm, to it will be, to whose shoulder to fall. Eh, Father, I could once lend my shoulder myself, and now you’re waiting for mercy…

Waiting can be tiring when something joyful is promised, and here’s what…? No one is in a hurry to give themselves up. And yet… they’re languishing and doomed. Soon the last breath… but when is it finally? Don’t hurry! But I want to know when! Why do you need it? I want it and that’s it! Not tired of unrealistic dreams and hopes yet? Be patient…

Father Alexander got up on the bed to drink a sip of water and involuntarily moaned in pain.

Do you feel bad? Should I call the nurse with an injection? his wife was alarmed.

No, no, I’ll just get comfortable.

Another pillow?

Enough, just these pillows are confusing. No matter how you get organised, everything seems awkward until you write something useful.

So write, Sasha, I won’t bother you.

Just don’t leave; sit down while I’m writing. Then we’ll drink tea… with Napoleon cake… what a name! Yesterday, they brought… my village people, they say, the latest recipe… from the capital.

***

Chamber of Special Therapy, the First Moscow Hospice, on the eve of the dashing nineties

The seriously ill priest wrote a confession. His path was the sacrificial life of a man gifted with reason and a receptive heart. He had a little left; his friends and colleagues had left, many of whom had become very close people. It wasn’t like that before when the cold of disappointment almost separated the hearts of people close in mind… and in spirit.

It all started brilliantly at the turn of the seventies. The lyrical wave has rolled back; the ‘sixties’ calmed down; and it’s time for pragmatists. Thoughts were focussed on variables and constants, graphs and tables. If the reasoning converged to what we got in experience, there was a general jubilation, look, and according to the formula, it came out. The exact predicted result caused a desire to continue and achieve more, then even more… There is no limit to the human mind; young physicists who succeeded were convinced; just do not stand still, create!

Stormy disputes, long discussions and fleeting offences, gains and losses, everything seemed fleeting and insignificant compared to the main thing. What will be the final result and conclusions from it? I would enclose in smart formulas everything that does not succumb to emotions or weaknesses of character! Where are the dreamers going to practise? See what the result of the experiment is and remember! It’s like neither reciting poems nor drawing pictures.

His majesty the atom, the beginning of all beginnings, the basis of matter with its laws. It contains power, irresistible primitive power, the original engine and the root cause of all things in the universe. Avoid, uneducated, ignorant and weaklings! The power of knowledge overturns speculations of foggy dreams, lyrical fables and ridiculous beliefs. It’s time for them to go away.

Listen first to the voice of your mind… and if it is missing, bow your heads to those who have excess. Let them be dear, then no one will be able to deceive humanity with different scriptures and legends anymore. Like, he was born blamelessly and died to resurrect… Why is all that? For whom? There is no need to bow your head to the darkness of the Middle Ages! Those who have revealed the mystery of the atom do not need a philosopher’s stone!

Then there was another time. The mystery of the atom turned out not by its easy accessibility, but unpredictable cunning. Other mechanisms came into motion and suddenly what was beyond reason and, especially, feelings, worked. Surprises no longer occur when they enter a sphere beyond reason and feelings. And the mind lights up. Here it is, a secret, close. But… it just seems; in fact, it’s so far away! Will the man calm down? We need to go further and take more! So far, at least something is possible…

Where is the line of mystery beyond which destruction and chaos come? How to avoid this without crossing the limits of the possible. Who can stop during the acceleration along the path leading to the very edge of the cliff? And why should the chosen ones have such knowledge that threatens trouble for everyone else? Isn’t it worth looking around first? And it doesn’t bother you to look back! Maybe a pearl will shine in the darkness of the ‘mediaeval’ or a faded metal will reflect a ray of light? And knowledge will become clear, and the mystery will be revealed to protect you from the chaos of ignorance.

Going deep into reflection with his clear mind as before, Father Alexander wrote several sentences. Then, after reading the first lines of his confession, he tiredly deviated to the back of the bed to have time to bring it to an end. And what will happen there in the end? God knows…

Chapter 1

Researchers

What is your opinion, comrades? the young scientist secretary looked vigorously at his colleagues sitting at the round table. Where will we assemble the installation?

At one of the Siberian plants… in Tomsk, for example? The head of the Siberian scientific group, grey-haired Professor Rozov, thought about the front of work for his wards.

Or maybe in Krasnoyarsk? a comrade from the ministry inserted a remark.

Or in Chelyabinsk, the director of the plant invited to the council had great opportunities.

Okay, we’ll see, and you, Pyotr Alekseevich, after the secretary, everyone turned their heads to Rozov. Together with Zakharov, you need to prepare a project of tests for the next advice. We’ll solve all the issues there, for today I declare the meeting closed.

The scientific secretary got up from his seat, the council members reached for the exit, and Pyotr Alekseevich Rozov was a little late, making notes in his notebook. The data received by his graduate student actually became the reason for an enlarged meeting of the council. The closed scientific council of the institute decided to assemble the Zakharov effect plant at one of the plants in the industry, make the necessary measurements and conduct tests to prepare everything for testing at the test site.

The young brain reacts faster to everything and is ready to create new ones without looking back, Rozov caught up with his colleagues, the youngest of whom was far over fifty.

Yeah, Pyotr Alekseevich, it’s time to hand over the cases to them and… somewhere in the wilderness, where no one stepped on.

Mushrooms and fishing… eh!

Or better to go to the country house, garden and apples. Cider, jam, liqueurs… the house is full of the guests.

Yeah, samovar with boot and herbal tea!

Come on, ‘in the wilderness’, ‘fishing’! the youngest scientist was indignant. We’ll show you; it’s too early to write us off!

We’ll show you something, but let them create the Zakharovs…

Debating with each other, the scientists dispersed, satisfied with the results of the council and determined to bring the project to an experiment. Despite the peaceful tone, there were indeed undeniable disagreements. The rivalry of ideas is known to be the engine of progress.

***

In different laboratories around the world, they were looking for solutions to the problem and did not find a way to ‘pack’ the nuclear product in order to achieve the greatest power effect. Zakharov, it became clear to many, solved this problem… at least theoretically. Brilliant scientist, recent graduate and postgraduate student of the Engineering Physics Institute, Alexander Zakharov had long been heard in the institute circles.

Look, Sasha, you’re being summoned to the carpet again today. It’s not for nothing that apparently hooked them, Igor said without a shadow of envy but with some challenge.

I don’t know; it’s my business to get accurate data so as not to miss the experiment…

Well, even if it doesn’t work, you can customise it, can’t you? Igor said jokingly.

Let others do it! Alexander waved it off. And we have enough time to find the exact curve and calculate its parameters.

Then we’ll clarify if necessary, Igor reacted. I think it’s not higher than the second order to assess the spread.

Let’s count the dispersions autonomously, without assessments of the ‘first moments’. Here everything seems to converge if there are independent observations.

Ah… ‘three fields method’…

Well, yes, and besides, there’s an extension. The boss has already read my calculations. At first, he quarrelled and argued, then unexpectedly offered to write an article for an academic publication…

He also had to agree! You can’t go against logic. Igor has always been pleased with Alexander’s intuition.

It’s a tempting offer, but when to do it! Business trips, one by one! Algorithms and programs are expected at the plant.

It’s okay. You’ll write on the plane or in the waiting room. You don’t get used to it…

Igor knew what he was talking about. He didn’t find his friend and colleague at work except at the table with a pen in front of a sheet written in formulas. He came before anyone else, and he was the last to take the coat in the locker room. Some people appeared in the laboratory only for lunchtime and, seeing Zakharov, hissed after him, Huh, workaholic… he needs the most!

Meanwhile, Alexander achieved results in a short time. They gave serious hope, and gradually a team of researchers of high temperament and abilities was formed around his project. Zakharov was infected with his energy and dedication. Looking at him, some pushed the chessboards aside and covered tennis rackets; others broke away from football discussions and sat down for calculations. After all, many were satisfied with their own results.

Today, it’s already blushed, mentally, of course. I come in the morning. I thought I’d be the first. At least I’ll work a little while no one is there. I look… him… sit, write and write… Great, Sasha, I say. He didn’t move. Well, I’ve decided, I’ll play you now.

So how?

I came up to him from behind, wanted to shake him up, then say, o-oh, you can’t sleep at all. I looked at his calculations and… hmm, my hands didn’t rise.

I guess you’re scared?

Come on! It’s just embarrassing somehow, honestly, shame-y-day! He sat down at his desk and started writing. Believe it? It’s easier as if we were doing something in common… and it became so good…

Okay, ‘good’, he just played you, not you but him! I must have checked who would be the first to come to work after him…

I don’t know who’s who, but excitement came… at least something useful to do in a day.

Sometimes, you’ll get tired of everything, and… you’ll really start working.

***

Innate intuition helped Alexander calculate the necessary parameters and determine the composition of the device that resembled a puff cake. And it was based on completely different principles than those revealed by the Americans. The discovery, ready to turn the world upside down, was very close to him. Now they needed to bring to mind the theoretical calculations, accurately calculate the constants and get the dependencies of variables for all ‘pie layers’. Then model the process on the polygon as well. And then… hold on to your colleagues!

In the evening, I flew from Tomsk, it all wrapped up there, Igor began to tell.

What? Did you quarrel with the programmers?

With their boss, Makarych. I tell him here’s my program; let the girls put them on punched cards by evening. And he, hold your pocket, you’ll fill your punched cards yourself.

Makarych w… was angry when he f… found out that w… work would be added to our p… project, said Andrey Yakovlevich Kushnir, one of the senior employees, who stuttered.

Then salaries will be added if the project is handed over, said Alexander.

How do you know, Alexander Ivanovich? Kushnir said cautiously. It’s up to the management of the plant, not for us.

We’ll write to the ministry who from the plant participated in the project, Zakharov continued, and give them a bonus, even if they don’t fuss ahead of time.

Exactly, Sasha, they’ve already fussed, and what will happen to them from this order? Like, figure it out first and write us in the list of participants, Igor looked closely at his friend. And then they will say this is our realisation, and all sorts of Zakharov have nothing to do with it!

Let them say anything. The main thing is to get the result and make an installation. And, without them, it won’t work.

Of course, everyone understands and therefore fusses…

What if we make a m… modelling, a p… puff cake of dough with s… stuffing, Kushnir smiled, acting as if he was holding a piece of cake in his hands and bringing it to his mouth.

Exactly and show what will happen to those who don’t know what the filling is in the pie!

Ha ha, the cake may be made of bitter wormwood, the scientists cheered up.

You need to know everything about the dough and the stuffing… before moving on to a real installation!

Or, for example, Kushnir continued, to classify the main p… parameters.

"Exactly, without admission to them, no one should be allowed to make calculations. And then change their values. Look, that’s where the ‘dog is buried’. The people continued to have