Great Heartache Among Cattle

By Cynthia Carter Baldwin

About the Book
Great Heartache Among Cattle follows Traci, Mona, and Darlene, and focuses on the experience of womanhood at several ages. When a psychopathic man enters the lives of one woman, he inevitably enters the worlds of all three and causes havoc in their lives. Follow these three as they journey through hardships, love, and abuse, strengthening the bond between them as they do so.
About the Author
Cynthia was raised in Dumas, Texas, along with her two older brothers, Calvin and John. One of her ambitions was to be a published author, but she never finished this endeavor. John Steinbeck, John Irving, and Carson McCullers are three writers whose style she admired and hoped to emulate. Cynthia enjoyed her time as an over-the-road trucker; she loved observing scenic America, especially in the Northwest, and meeting people.
After Cynthia’s unexpected passing in 2022, her husband, Ron, discovered her book and set out to make her dream come true. Cynthia loved sharing her life with Ron, gardening, photography, and caring for her eight parrots, several of which she rescued.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dorrance Publishing Company
• Release date: Oct 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887296869

Book preview

Chapter 1

images_418_Copy197.png Cold Corner, Texas is the sort of town you are born to, or maybe marry into. You couldn’t find Cold Corner on a map any more than you could find a justifiable reason for aiming your travels there.

Cold Corner is an isolated farming and ranching community, about forty-five miles east of Waco. There are a few feeble businesses to accommodate the eight hundred or so people who live in or around Cold Corner. There is a general store/gas station, one dress shop which tries to cater to every type of female in the area, and a feed and ranch supply store near the edge of town. The First Bank of Cold Corner is really a converted mobile home, yet the banker and his family seem to do alright for themselves. The banker’s wife runs a small antique shop which she calls Yesterday’s Dreams. She culled most of the contents from area homes and ranches, and for all the business an antique shop can do away from the state highway among disinterested locals, she could just as easily have called it Moot Point.

Cold Corner has one church, the Cold Corner Baptist Church. Apparently, the point of view being that if you ain’t Baptist, you ain’t nothing. Still, the people of Cold Corner are basically good folks. They work hard and they vacillate from minding their own business to minding everyone else’s.

On hot summer nights, the young people of Cold Corner prowl the main drag. The boys drive by in their old pick-up trucks with a rifle, a bat, or a rebel flag gracing the rear window. The girls stand in clusters by their cars wearing Roper boots and Wrangler jeans, trying to pretend they aren’t trying to be noticed.

The one local cop parks his brown sedan in front of the feed supply store at the far end of the drag and naps.

The adults of Cold Corner find their own diversions on sultry summer nights and the town remains very quiet.

If you were driving down State Highway 164, you would probably never notice Cold Corner. You would only see green pastures with cattle grazing or resting under Hackberry or Mesquite trees. If it were spring, mass wildflowers would be adding multicolored hues to the never ending green.

Only a small sign reading Cold Corner would give a clue that a town was somewhere nearby — and that’s fine with the locals. If you have business in Cold Corner, you can find it. If not, keep moving, please.

Chapter 2

images_417_Copy200.png Now even a town the size of Cold Corner has to have at least one social outcast. That would be Darlene Choate. In high school, Darlene was the girl all the guys wanted to take out — and not because of her effervescent personality or her family’s good name. Darlene was basically the town pump, a good time girl. Well, most people outgrow their need for a good time girl or someone to gossip about. But whatever happens to that girl? In Darlene’s case, she just keeps trying in the only way she knows. After all, a girl usually doesn’t become easy because she’s wild about sex, she becomes easy because she’s desperately seeking approval and a way to abate loneliness and wild teenage restlessness. Darlene never found comfort for her loneliness. At thirty-two, it’s likely she never will.

Actually, Darlene came close once to finding the comfort and security she craved. At the age of fifteen, she got pregnant. It happened the night of the big dance at the Armory in nearby Mexia. At least, that’s about as close as Darlene can pin it down. She had been encouraged to not attend the dance, which was Cold Corner’s Senior Prom. However, Darlene wasn’t one to listen to the prissy girls who always tried to put her down. Darlene’s mom, when she wasn’t drunk, cleaned house for the fancy mothers of those prissy girls. Therefore, Darlene was privy to a lot of secrets, like who stuffed her bra, who wore a girdle, who spent the summer in a fat farm, who had a crush on their English teacher. Important information like that led Darlene to believe that she was just as good as any of them and could go anywhere she liked. She borrowed a party dress from her mom. It was a little too mature for her, a little too low cut, but it was the best she could do.

Darlene knew a lot of the boys well, so she figured that she would be welcomed to the prom with open arms. She was. Darlene kept finding herself swept outside to ‘look at the stars,’ and her punch kept being spiked a little heavily. Before too long, Darlene wasn’t even going back into the Armory. Rather, different boys kept coming out to her, and her world started spinning around and she was too hot and she could no longer focus on who was who. Still, she didn’t care. She knew she was the most envied girl at the prom. All the boys wanted to be with her. She imagined those prissy, bra-stuffing types to be green with envy. She no longer felt so hot anymore. The breeze was cool on her skin. She was lying on a blanket in the bed of someone’s truck. Things were going too far and too fast, but Darlene was beyond being able to stop anything. She remembered that after the prom, whoever owned the truck she was lying in took her part-way down Highway 39 toward Cold Corner and dumped her out on the road. She had to walk the last five miles home in the hot, dark night. She broke the heel of one shoe and nearly stepped on a snake dozing on the warm highway. She cried hacking sobs at first, not understanding why the prom had gone wrong for her and hating all the girls for whom the prom was a dream night. However, the longer she walked, the more sober she became. She stopped sobbing and started worrying.

A few weeks later, Darlene realized she was pregnant. At first, she thought of sneaking down to Houston for an abortion. Then she realized that she had a chance to have somebody need her, somebody to love her back.

Suddenly, Darlene was trying very hard to be responsible. She found herself a job at the only grocery store in town. It was only minimum wage, but it would be enough to help her save for the things the baby would need and a few things for herself as well. Darlene planned to continue living with her mother until the baby was born. They rarely got in one another’s way and as long as Darlene kept her mouth shut about her mom’s lifestyle, they got along great.

Most girls in Darlene’s shoes would have found themselves scared to death at the prospect of being a sixteen-year-old single mother. But not Darlene. She couldn’t have been happier. If she had a husband, or even knowledge of who the father was, that would just be someone in the way, trying to compete with her for her baby’s attention and love. Darlene even planned to look for a place of her own soon so that she wouldn’t have to worry about her mother’s influence or interference.

Almost nine months to the day of the Armory dance, Darlene gave birth to a fair-haired little girl. Darlene touched her own dark brown hair with dismay and realized that the ghost of the unknown father may haunt her anyway. Darlene named her little girl Traci Louise Choate. A few days later, she giggled at her own unconscious cleverness when she realized that baby’s initials were TLC. Tender loving care was exactly what Darlene intended to give this baby; tender loving care was what she hoped for in return.

Three months into Traci’s life, Darlene found them a home of their own in a little silver-colored trailer house that sat on the ranch of one of Darlene’s old schoolmates, Mona Brewer. She had been Mona Price in high school and Darlene remembered her as one of the few girls who was friendly to her. So, when the trailer on Mona’s ranch came up for rent, Darlene took it as a positive sign and rented the place immediately for $125 a month plus bills.

Nearly sixteen years later, Darlene and Traci still live in that ramshackle old trailer. Mona offered to fix the place up, even replace it with a more modern trailer, but Darlene adamantly refuses any change. She’s fearful that any change would upset the tender balance that has kept her life fairly normal for the last sixteen years.

Having a baby settled Darlene down considerably. She has faithfully kept her job at the grocery store. She has refused promotions or job changes of any kind. Eventually the job offers died down and Darlene was left in peace to basically rot on the vine.

Darlene also changed her attitude toward men. She now only sees one man at a time. She usually doesn’t require more than the knowledge of his name before she brings him home for the night, but she’s very cautious about getting caught in the same spiraling insanity that she found herself in during her teenaged years. So, Darlene felt she had found a measure of respectability for herself. Everyone else still thought of her as the same old girl.

Chapter 3

images_416_Copy203.png Traci was out of sorts today. Her sixteenth birthday was coming up in a week and a half and she wanted to have a birthday party — not too big a request. However, she was horribly ashamed of her home. A tacky 12’ by 48’ silver trailer which preceded her own age by five years was hardly the image she wanted to project. The refrigerator was short and rounded where there should be corners. To supposedly make it look less shabby, her mother had spray painted it a sort of teal green. She hadn’t done too bad a job; Traci would give her that. However, she couldn’t think of anybody who had a short, squatty, teal green refrigerator. Everybody had those huge rectangular ones with the doors to blend in with the cabinets, and they had water and ice dispensers on the door. Traci looked around the trailer. Everything seemed so pitiful. The furniture was all undersized to accommodate the little trailer. They still had a cheap 13" black and white television which got virtually no reception since they lived out in the country. Her mom had fashioned aluminum foil on the antenna to improve reception. That was fine with Traci when she wanted to watch a special show, but what would her friends think? She’d never live down the humiliation. All these years, Traci had managed to have company over at the ranch house. She would pretend it was her home. Not that she would lie to her friends, she just wouldn’t clarify the details.

So, what was she to do? Not have a party for her sixteenth birthday? Her big green eyes welled up with tears. Life could be such brutal hell when you’re a teenager. How could she make her mom understand this?

As if on cue, Darlene drove up in her huge 1973 Chevrolet Caprice classic. She got out of the car still wearing her green and orange checker’s uniform.

Mom! Traci ran out to meet Darlene.

Hi, punkin’! How’s my girl today? Darlene smiled warmly

Fine, Mom, Traci examined the dirt with the toe of her tennis shoe.

"Fine, Mom, Darlene mimicked in an exaggerative tone, What’s bothering you, baby girl?"

Mom, Traci all but whined, my birthday is coming up. Traci finished as if that said it all.

I know, sweetie. I was there for your first one and I haven’t forgotten one since. June 27th, right? Or was it the 28th? Now let me think.

Traci’s patience with her mom’s nonsense was wearing thin. Mom, stop it. How can I have my party here? Traci gestured with a sweeping arm motion across the entirety of the trailer.

You think there won’t be enough room for all your friends, honey? Darlene walked past her daughter and into the trailer. She began removing her uniform and slipping into some jeans and a skimpy halter top.

Traci rolled her eyes and sighed heavily, disgusted with her mother’s ignorance. Mom, can’t you see anything? This place is a dump. I don’t want my friends out here. Traci collapsed on her mother’s bed in typical teenage drama.

Darlene had been applying extra eye liner but stopped in mid-motion. Why you ungrateful little bitch! I ought to slap your face. I work my fingers to the bone to provide for us the best I can and you’re ashamed of it all? Well, maybe you’d feel more comfortable in a luxurious orphanage. I could’ve given you away, you know. But I didn’t. I kept you because when I took one look at you, I fell in love with my perfect, little baby girl. Now this is the thanks I get, Darlene sat down to resume her makeup application in righteous fury.

You’re not going to lay that on me, Mom. I’m smarter than that. I could’ve been like you, or like your mother. But I’m not like you. I never get in trouble, I’m still a virgin, I make straight A’s all the time and I only run with the best kids, just like you wanted. Well, now I want to have a party with my friends, and I am ashamed. I don’t know why you make me try so hard when you don’t feel like giving me anything back. If you expect me to hang out with the doctor’s kids, how can you expect me not to be ashamed that I live so beneath them?

So, you think your mom is scum, huh? A tramp! Well, I didn’t have as good a mom as you do. I saw what I was, sure, and I saw what my mom did, and I hated it. But there wasn’t anybody around to push me to be my best. I want you to be your best so you can be whatever you want to be and so you don’t have to wind up being like your trashy mother. Darlene sat down on the edge of her bed with tears ruining her newly applied eye liner.

I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t mean that I think you’re scum or anything like that. I just wanted a nice place to have my party. Traci sat up on the edge of Darlene’s bed and looked at her hands. Both women were now thoroughly depressed about their circumstances. Darlene wiped her eyes and quickly stood up.

I’ve gotta get a beer. I’ll be back later. Darlene was out the door before Traci could object. As the Chevy tore down the dirt road Traci looked out the open trailer door and shouted, Slut!

Traci was furious and didn’t know what to do with herself. So, she slammed the trailer door shut and headed for Mona and Hick’s.

Chapter 4

images_415_Copy206.png Hick and Mona Brewer were the average Texas couple. They both grew up in Cold Corner, they’ve known one another since childhood. In high school they became sweethearts, and they married right after graduation; they’ve been married now for nearly seventeen years. They consider themselves to be good Christians and stable, hardworking people who mind their own business most of the time. The only thing that truly sets Mona and Hick apart from their contemporaries is that they are childless.

So, it was only natural that they welcome the misfit Darlene and her newborn as renters. They set her rent low and have never once raised it in sixteen years. The only unspoken stipulation was that they get to play surrogate parents to little Traci. A part of the bargain they didn’t anticipate was playing surrogate parents to Darlene. Somehow, as the years went by, the whole arrangement became very natural, and Mona almost didn’t mind not having little ones of her own.

Mona was washing up the lunch dishes and fooling around in the kitchen, killing time until it was time to start supper. She loved her kitchen; it was huge, high-ceilinged, and wide. She had a large window right over the sink so she could look out at the pasture where the mama cows grazed and nursed their young. Mona didn’t have a dishwasher and didn’t want one. She felt the loss of day-dreaming time would be too great a price to pay for a machine that was supposed to make her life better. She loved to watch the calves scamper and play. Often, she thought there wasn’t a more beautiful sight in the world than the sweet face of a brand new calf. She loved the life she had. She would have liked to have a whole yard full of screaming youngsters of her own, but then she probably wouldn’t be able to stand at the window and daydream if she did. Everything had its price. Besides, life was good to her. She and Hick had bought this ranch with money from wedding presents and a loan from her daddy. They still had three years left to pay for it, but they had considered it theirs from day one.

Suddenly, the back door opened abruptly and closed sharply. Without looking Mona knew it was Traci.

Mona! Traci cried.

Traci, honey, sit down. I just baked some peach cobbler. Want some? Mona began serving the girl without waiting for an answer.

No, Mona, thanks anyway, Traci frowned and looked at the full bowl of cobbler in front of her. She picked at it with her spoon.

What’s the matter, girl? You and mom have another fight?

She’s so stupid, Mona. I just don’t understand her at all anymore, Traci managed to force a large bite of cobbler down her throat.

Now, Traci, your mother is not stupid. She tries very hard for you. What happened?

Traci rolled her eyes and sighed several times as if her problem should be so obvious that an explanation would cross the bounds of redundancy. She stuffed down more cobbler.

Does this have anything to do with your birthday, Traci?

Traci jabbed her spoon deep into the cobbler. It has everything to do with my birthday, Mona! She’s so dopey. She doesn’t see anything wrong with that Gawd-awful, shabby trailer we live in, Traci realized her mistake, Oops, I’m sorry, Mona. I know you guys have...

Mona cut her off. It’s okay, Traci. I understand. I wouldn’t particularly like to live in that thing myself, but your mom seems comfy there and hasn’t wanted anything changed. So, I take it you are too ashamed of your house to have the kids over.

Exactly, Mona! I don’t know why she won’t see that.

Well, Traci, we all see things differently. Darlene’s proud of that trailer because it represents her independence and her ability to take care of herself. Don’t be too hard on her. Mona smiled softly, considering herself sage.

But what am I going to do, Mona? Traci resorted to whining.

Don’t be silly, girl; have the party here. You know you can do that.

Traci assessed the place quickly. Everything looked fairly new and in good quality, even though it was mostly country style. The kitchen had that bus-sized Kelvinator stove, but overall things looked okay. Besides, it was a far cry from that sleazy trailer. Traci perked up a bit.

Okay, Mona. Thanks.

Mona grinned. Well, I’m glad I passed muster.

Traci gave Mona an indulgent glance and finished her cobbler in silence.

So where is Darlene? Mona finally asked.

Traci looked down and frowned into her empty bowl, absent-mindedly twirling the spoon.

Traci?

She’s gone to get drunk again. She stormed out after our fight.

Traci, it’s not your fault. Darlene’s just that way. That’s how she deals with things.

You’re not fooling me, Mona. She’s not dealing with anything. She’s just running and hiding. Sometimes I think she’s doing it to get at me, make me feel bad or something.

Well, Traci, I don’t know about that. But please don’t let it eat at you. Everything’s going to be fine, you just worry about who’s going to be on your party list. Okay?

Traci smiled at Mona and stood up. I’m gonna go look at the calves now, then I guess I’ll go home and fix something to eat.

Nonsense, girl. Go look at the calves and then come back in here and have supper. I always cook too much anyway, you know that.

Okay, Traci was outside in a flash.

Mona could tell the girl was hurting and the smallest kindness was often enough to provoke tears. She felt so strongly maternal when she was soothing Traci’s hurts. Why couldn’t Traci have been hers? Mona had begged Darlene to let her and Hick adopt the child, but Darlene had firmly refused. Mona devoted herself to caring for Traci despite Darlene. She angered when she thought about what Darlene was doing to that girl. Darlene was getting too old to keep running off and drinking and fooling with the men every time the mood hit or an excuse presented itself.

Mona was a kind and tolerant woman, just as she had been as a child. She always went out of her way to be good to people and she knew she had a wide maternal streak. She remembered when Darlene first came out to rent the trailer. She felt bad for Darlene; it was easy to tell that she half-expected to be rejected as a renter. Mona took pity on her and rented the place to her right away without consulting Hick. He was furious that night.

What do you mean renting to that woman? We need the money, Mona; we aren’t running a charity organization. Mona told him about the baby and let him know that Darlene would be paying full rent and that he needed to show his Christian side. What if Darlene were his sister? He retorted that his sister wouldn’t be a tramp, but he gave in and later Hick would be the one to refuse to raise the rent. Mona knew Hick was a softie, especially where the baby was concerned. He just liked to bark loud.

At first, while Mona disapproved of Darlene’s partying, she looked the other way. She and Hick were always thrilled for an opportunity to babysit Traci and keep her overnight while Darlene played. That way Hick and Mona could play their