Deid Bell

By Mordechai Lazarus

It's Hogmanay in Edinburgh, but Vesta McNaughton would much rather stay as far away from New Year's Eve celebrations as possible. Unfortunately, her best pal Dolly Hill has other ideas. Even more unfortunately, by the time the New Year's bells ring out, it won't just be the old year that's dead.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mordechai Lazarus
• Release date: Dec 20, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215917091

Mordechai Lazarus

Mordechai Lazarus writes things that he hopes you will find entertaining.

Book preview

Deid Bell

by Mordechai Lazarus

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2023 M. Lazarus

Deid Bell

by Mordechai Lazarus

Lark Publishing 2023

https://www.subsidingsun.uk/lark/

Chapter 1.

Vesta McNaughton groaned and rolled her eyes.

I'm not fashed how you go on, Dolly Samantha Hill, she said, But I'm not going to your stupid goddamn New Year's party.

Dolly (whose middle name was not Samantha) stared at her best friend Vesta as if she had said the most mental and nonsensical thing that had ever been uttered by a human being who had ever lived in Edinburgh. Vesta, who had seen this look many times since they had both been children, held firm.

Vesta Desdemona McNaughton, said Dolly in a fluttering, shocked voice that made her sound like a fragile posh biddy, I am, m'dear, I confess, very, very surprised at you, hen.

Naw, ye aren't, said Vesta, whose middle name wasn't Desdemona. Vesta didn't even have a middle name.

But, it'll be Hogmanay!

Vesta frowned at Dolly and sunk further into her armchair.

Hogmanay! Dolly repeated, as if that explained everything.

Dolly gave Vesta one of her patented dramatic looks.

Ye cannae live in Edinburgh and not do something for New Year's. We believe very few things in this household, Vesta Portia McNaughton, but by god we believe that.

Vesta snorted. You don't live in this household, Doll, so I'm not sure what you are on about.

Oh, it's a metaphor or something, I imagine, Dolly said breezily, A metaphor for how you are my best pal and how I can't in good conscience allow you to do nothing on New Year's Eve. What sort of friend would I be if I left you mouldering in the dark at this time of year?

A considerate one, Vesta suggested.

Dolly scoffed. What would you do anyway if you stayed in on Hogmanay? Stare at the walls?

Vesta thought this sounded extremely relaxing and told Dolly so. I would also eat a bowl of whatever ice-cream is on special, drink lots of water, watch half a movie about a guy who shoots a lot of other guys, and then go to bed early.

Before midnight? said Dolly, outraged.

Vesta nodded firmly.

Before the fireworks? Dolly whispered in horror.

Yup, Vesta declared.

Ye cannae do that, Vest, said Dolly, What about tradition? We've lived in Edinburgh our whole lives and we've done something on New Year's ever since we were wee pals! D'ye mind that time when when we were just wee lassies and we sneakily stole Gran's sherry, and tried to stay up past midnight, and you fell asleep just before twelve, because it was all too much for you and you weren't used to it?

Vesta rolled her eyes.

Dollywood, you are like a sister to me, hen, but you are an awful bullshit artist. It was you fell asleep before midnight.

Dolly frowned.

Ach, you and your bloody memory. Fine, mebbe, but you were the one what stole the sherry.

Vesta admitted this was true.

But listen, Dolly, she said, glaring at her pal, D'ye not remember what happened last year when you decided we would go to Jackson's hovel for New Year's?

Dolly sighed and walked over to look inside Vesta's fridge. Vesta's apartment was very small, so it was not a very long walk. The place wasn't much, but Vesta was content with it. It had a single bedroom that didn't feel like a dogbox, the kitchenette was tiled in light-grey, with enough space that Vesta could have an occasional client there to cut their hair without the clean-up being a total nightmare. There was also no mould to speak of, and the neighbours mostly left her alone. Vesta McNaughton had lived in far worse dumps.

Reaching for a small red cushion, Vesta threw it in Dolly's general direction.

Don't you hide in my fridge, Dolly Martha Hill, I know you heard me.

Dolly grunted and rifled around the shelves.

Last year, Vesta declared, To celebrate New Year's you insisted we go to Jackson's home - it was more a sort of garage than a home, if we're honest, though, wasn't it? It was the sort of place that probably would have rats, if it wasn't so cold that even rats couldn't face it. I think even the auld heater gave out at one point and blew a fuse, surrendering to the cold. It was clear that the night was a disaster when that charming young lassie got so pissed that she boaked up and covered a good spread of the room with vomit, and definitely got some inside the heater. Probably lucky that the thing went out. Heating up fresh puke wouldn't have improved the atmosphere any. And, I almost forgot, the weak-stomached girl definitely got some of her stomach's contents on my shoes. I loved those shoes. They were comfortable and they looked cool, but the stains of that night never came out.

That's why you need to wear heels, McNaughton, put in Dolly, So you can be raised above the filth and the sludge of the everyday.

Vesta ignored her pointedly and went on.

D'ye mind that we didn't know anybody there? And also you were down because you hadn't got an acting part for ages and did that thing where you force yourself to pretend to be happy in defiance of the universe, which, hen, I respect, but leads you to behave in a way that is genuinely terrifying. There is such a thing as being too positive.

I didnae punch anyone though, did I? Dolly protested.

Ah, c'moan, nobody got punched. It was a gentle push, Vesta said with a sniff, And you very well know the guy in question was a bit of a gropey prick and deserved it. He just happened to be a wee bit uncertain on his feet at the time, which led to his falling over and getting all angry and storming off.

Dolly sighed.

He was a prick, and probably deserved a skelp, she admitted.

Aye right well, but the spew, and the prick, and you smiling so much you looked insane wasnae the worst of it. The worst of it was our hosts. Now, Doll, hen, I'm used to drinking leading to shame, but that was the first time I felt compelled to get drunker because I felt embarrassed for other people. The kicking and screaming and crying and recriminations of our hosts was extremely awkward and unpleasant.

Made a memorable night, though, didn't it?

Who needs memories like that, Doll?

Dolly pulled a carton of milk out of the fridge and took a long swig from it.

Ferchrists- Vesta said, exasperated, I've got glasses, hen. You know where they are. You might scrub up nice in public, but you're a mess when nobody is looking.

Dolly burped and wiped her mouth.

It just goes to show how comfortable I am with you, Vest, auld pal. And considerate, Dolly added, waving around the milk carton, Now you don't have to do any extra dishes. I've saved you the bother of washing up that glass, haven't I?

Vesta sighed.

Dolly put the milk carton down on the cramped countertop of the kitchenette and sat herself in the only other chair Vesta had in her apartment - the expensive one that was for when Vesta was paid to cut someone's hair, but couldn't do it elsewhere. Dolly swivelled the chair around and leaned forward.

We've had some guid times, though, haven't we Vess? said Dolly pleadingly, arranging her face so her eyes were doing A Nostalgic Gaze. Think of all the New Year's Nights we've had out in Embrah, the Hogmanay lunacies. The things we've got up to. C'moan, Vess, think of all the bands we've seen!

Vesta cracked her neck.

Doll, you know very well that I have extremely mixed feelings about musicians.

Dolly Hill scrunched up her face.

Aye well, the music then, McNaughton, think of all them great New Year's nights we've had dancing the old year away and into the new. Pure magic. And y'know, we're young enough yet, Vess, there's no reason we can't have another proper Hogmanay!

Vesta concentrated intently on checking her nails, attempting to look like she wasn't paying Dolly any mind.

Listen, Vestie, Dolly Hill said, her tone suddenly serious, Here's the thing. We've both had one hell of a shitpile of a year, haven't we? Ma poor Gran dying the way she did, and all the funeral money she set aside disappearing. It's all been a bit crap.

The two of them sat there for a moment, sad and thoughtful, thinking of Dolly's Gran Mimi. When Vesta was growing up, her own Da was always off working and he'd always been sad and distant. But ever since the Hills moved onto the same floor as Vesta in the big grey block of flats, without ever being asked at all, Dolly's Gran had looked after Vesta like she was one of her own. She had been a sweet, strong, wee woman, had Mimi, with a shine in her eyes. Doll's Gran had never had much in life, never much money, or education, or good luck, but she had always had time for everyone else. It was Doll's Gran who had encouraged Dolly to get into the acting, even if it was going to be hard to make a go of it. Mimi was the sort of proper person Vesta felt you only met rarely in life. Mimi had been tough and happy, no matter what. And when nobody else had really wanted Dolly and Vesta around much, Mimi had kept the pair of them busy by having them help out in the kitchen, or she invented stories and games for them, but most of all Doll's Gran kept them busy with tunes. Mimi had loved songs. She used to play them hours and hours of music on her record player, and Vesta and Doll had danced around the pokey room with her, but they could have been on a dance floor on the moon for how they felt transported. Why wouldn't Vesta want to hang out just a few doors up with Dolly and her Gran rather than in the cold, lonely, empty quiet of her own place?

Vesta shook her head.

She was the best, Doll. I don't think I've met many good people in my life. But your Gran... Vesta shook her head sadly, Well, you were lucky to have her. We were lucky to have known her.

Dolly nodded slowly.

Aye, yer not wrong there, Vesta. When she died, I didnae take it so well, not going to lie. And I've missed talkin to you, Vess. Feels like you went off the rails for a while yourself there, too. I dunno, Vestie, I've hardly seen you, well, since that night a couple of months back when you went aff yer nut with the drinking and the lack of discernment in chasing guys, and the angry shouting at people. I guess this year hit you hard too, Vestie. I know Mimi was important to you, and I know you keep yourself calm almost all the time until you get so angry you go on the Radge.

Vesta crossed her arms and said nothing.

That's it, though, McNaughton, Dolly went on, We've hardly seen each other for months, and that ain't like us, is it? We're a team, Hill and McNaughton, right?

Vesta smiled

McNaughton and Hill, ye wee attention seeker.

Dolly waved her hand and grinned.

Aye, well if alphabetical order means nothing to ye then, McNaughton, so be it. But let's do something together, right? I've got this Hogmanay thing lined up. A real posh do. Nothing clatty and gross like that shindig at Jackson's place last year, I promise.

Vesta looked sceptical.

Will they have real heating? she asked.

Dolly crossed her heart.

I can guaran-bloody-tee it.

I still don't trust you, said Vesta, But I know I can't get you to stop going on about whatever your terrible idea is, so go on then, and get it out of your system. Tell me about it, if ye must.

Dolly leapt up, excited.

Right, so I was out at that there fancy bar in the New Town with all the glass and neon lights.

For networking purposes, no doubt, said Vesta.

We-ell, aye, some of that. Anyway I met this guy and was chatting away to him, because you know me, Vestie, I can have a friendly chat with anyone.

Vesta nodded. Her mouth was dry. Pass us the milk, ye selfish coo, Vesta said brightly, You give me a terrible thirst just listening to you.

Taking the carton from Dolly, Vesta took a slow swig. The milk was still good and cold despite Dolly's fiddling with the fridge, but once she had swallowed it down, Vesta knew it hadn't done a thing for the dryness in