'King' Kamehameha Goes to Hawaii!

By Antonina Irena Brzozowska

‘King’ Kamehameha is finally going to Hawaii on his jollies!

But things do not go smoothly. There is a crown snatcher lurking about, not to mention big, black smouldering cauldrons, gruesome looking savages, and the chief, Ali’i nui who, incidentally, has captured Toni’s eye.

All is not well. ‘King’ Kamehameha’s kingdom and his whole sovereignty are threatened and, to add more gloom to his doom, he is in danger of acquiring a new step-daddy!

Laughter, tears and adventures ensue, but will Kamehameha still be ‘king’ at the end of it all?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Dec 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9781035820658

Antonina Irena Brzozowska

Antonina Irena Brzozowska was born and educated in the north-east of England. A former teacher, her interests incorporate the Polish, Canadian and Hawaiian cultures and interests. Her extensive travel experiences in these countries have provided her with an invaluable asset to her writing.

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About the Author

Antonina Irena Brzozowska was born and educated in the north-east of England. A former teacher, her interests incorporate the Polish, Canadian and Hawaiian cultures and interests.

Her extensive travel experiences in these countries have provided her with an invaluable asset to her writing.

Dedication

To my faithful friend, Kamehameha.

Thank you for the sunny memories.

Copyright Information ©

Antonina Irena Brzozowska 2023

The right of Antonina Irena Brzozowska to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781035820641 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781035820658 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published 2023

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®

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London

E14 5AA

Acknowledgment

To all the team at Austin Macauley; thank you.

To all the guys who have encouraged me along the way (and you all know who you are); thank you.

I am deliriously happy to receive the wonderful news that you are ALL in tiptop shape and taking my invaluable advice of having lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun.

FUN, I feel, is the very essence of life so, folks, keep the momentum going.

Now, I’ll get back to your news, my lovely friends, in a mo. First, before I explode into ten thousand and three delightful, joyful pieces, I have to tell you about my spot of wonderful and absolutely incredulous news.

I am going to Hawaii!

Yes, my dear friends, I am flabbergasted too. In fact, I am so flabbergasted; I am pinching the whole of my cuddly body, to check that I am not in the midst of some beautiful dream or that I have not slipped into insanity. But yes, you and I have heard correctly, the KING is finally going to the other side of the world on his jollies and boy, what a hoot of an adventure I am planning for my good, royal self!

However, first I have to tell you a secret for this is the reason I am going in the first place. But girls and boys, mums and dads, aunties and uncles, grannies and grandpas, great-grannies and great-grandpas and whoever else belongs in my colossal orbit of loyal fans; please, whatever you do, don’t let my Toni know, that I know, the reason behind my impending hols. Now, allow me to go back a week or two.

14 February

This particular day was dull, drab, drizzly and dauntingly miserable. My heart, however, was singing merrily away, the loud knock on the door making me jump with wild anticipation for, my friends, I knew what was coming and I was not disappointed.

My servant, or for those of you who haven’t been acquainted, Toni, my mistress, had the look of a monstrous black cloud, as she hauled inside one bulging sack after another, after another, after another; the look of grim disappointment clearly etched in her sad, soulful eyes. At that point of the proceedings, I wish I could have comforted my Toni in my own cuddly way, but the warning look she threw my way told me, in no uncertain terms, to stay away at a ten metre distance.

You see, I’d accidentally chewed one of her precious slippers into tattered shreds when I was in the last throes of a most entertaining dream, in which I had just captured a most excitable moggy. Now, the problem was that instead of the moggy, I subconsciously tore Toni’s slipper to pieces. So there you go no moggy, no slipper and a shedload of problems for me to boot. Toni’s happy face had disappeared, with no prospect of coming back anytime soon; for, I know, from bitter experience how it would all pan out and it was not looking good.

I turned my attention to the overflowing sacks and as I think you have guessed, there were hundreds, nay thousands of Valentine cards for Yours Truly and not one measly one for my mistress.

Now, usually she has somehow and I must say miraculously, managed to capture an unfortunate, unsuspecting victim in time for this most romantic day of the whole year. But my friends, this year all the guys within her radar managed to escape her net and hence, not one card had winged her way.

I, on the other hand, was in seventh heaven as I poured over each and every card and love letter and I must say, they were all lovely; though, I must admit, I especially love the hand-made creations; a million, zillion thank yous to you ALL for your declarations of love, loyalty and dedication. I love you ALL too.

Anyway, getting back to my Toni; my heart went out to her as she watched each one of my cards coming out of the sack; saw the doggie smile on my face and the twinkle in my eyes and I am sure she was imagining the warm, fuzzy feeling in my big heart and cuddly tummy, as she sat, stared and made secret plans of harpooning someone, anyone, in time for next year’s big day. Not even the unexpected arrival of my favourite auntie cheered her up. and only I caught my Auntie Anusia’s mischievous wink.

Well, after hours of walking back and forth, to and from the letterbox, hoping a card addressed to her would miraculously pop through, shedding a fountain of tears, moping about; she grabbed her coat, cast a desolate glance at my mountain of cards, flowers, boxes of doggie chocolates, fluffy red hearts and so on and stormed out the door, taking her bad temper with her.

Sometime later, the door creaked open and the shiny black shoes, with their ghastly bows on the front, reappeared and tuneless humming drifted into my ears. My heart sank. She was, I knew, about to announce something horrible; something I dared not contemplate.

It came like a blast of thunder.

You and I, Kamehameha, are going to the Hawaiian Islands!

The beautiful card, depicting a single red rose, dropped to join the others as my astounded eyes shot to my mistress, my heart sinking. The distress of this morning’s disappointing developments had clearly sent my mistress over the edge, I concluded.

There was no other explanation for her bizarre announcement. I had never before been included in her holiday plans; she had simply dispatched me, either to the Heavenly Homes Kennels or to my Auntie Anusia’s castle, while she went off gallivanting over the Seven Seas and beyond. I raised my sad eyes to her and stared unblinkingly, her words adding credulity to her lunacy.

Pack your bags, Kami; we’re off! she announced joyously.

Well, I knew where she was heading and it wasn’t any sunny island.

As for me, I am ready and willing.

And that, my dear friends, is the point we have reached. Your king looking out for two white vans; one to take my Toni away to the lunatic asylum; the other to take me to goodness knows where.

Chapter One

Holiday Preparations

Where to start? What to take? What would you suggest, my dear friends?

Oh dear, where are my good manners? I think they’ve left the premises; my deepest apologies to you ALL. I am at the point of exploding; hence, I have allowed royal protocol to slip and in the process, I have forgotten to ask you about your news. How are you ALL? How is school? Are your cogs still working on full power and your little grey cells in full working order? Do you now know what a verb is and understand the cooling/melting process? Do you know what a ⅓, ⅘, ⅜ or ⅝ represents?

I am particularly interested to know if you can reel off the kings and queens of England, from time immemorial; I am greatly looking forward to you imparting that nugget of information down to me, for my own future reference. Anyway, enough of rabbiting on about educational stuff; are you having lots of fun away from studies? Good; that’s all I want to hear.

Anyway, back to the very important subject of my holiday preparations. My suitcase is wide open. Now, all I need to do is to go through the list of things I am thinking of taking. I need your invaluable help for this task, my dear subjects. And then, if we’re ALL singing from the same hymn sheet, it’s whoosh! And away!

Now, let me just read to you the list of essential items, I am thinking of taking with me on my jollies.

King Kamehameha’s List of Holiday Clobber

MY GOOD SELF, of course. And for this occasion I shall allow myself to be shampooed, vigorously scrubbed, body-lotioned with my favourite rose fragrance, nail clipped and even gnasher scrubbed and polished so that my pearly whites gleam; for, who knows who I’ll need to dazzle in foreign climes.

MY DOGGIE PASSPORT. Already, folks, I am practising my best pose and choosing my favourite doggie smile; using my Toni’s wardrobe mirrored-doors, when she’s not on the prowl. After many hours of practising, I think, I have finally got my royal pose down to a tee. You know the one I mean; it’s the one where I sit on my hind legs, my back as straight as a rod, my front golden-white paws just in front of my elegant self and my regal head held high and aloof with my golden, twinkling crown sitting majestically on my proud, intelligent head.

I have also tried the serious pose, the relaxed pose, the silly grinning pose, the intellectual pose and a host of other poses too numerous to mention, my friends. Yes, I have definitely decided, I am sticking to my royal pose being the great and grand king I am.

MY LUXURIOUS HAWAIIAN DUVET SET. I am not setting my royal paw out of my kingdom unless I have my essential luxuries in tow.

MY SUNGLASSES. Now, these are not to chase the sun off my eyes; they, instead, will be used to ward off any potential unsavoury admirers or inquisitive natives, who have nothing better to do with their time than to gawp at me. One such possible culprit readily springs to mind. The witch doctor. Now, if I holiday incognito, this particular chap will be none the wiser.

MY BULGING SACK OF ASSORTED TREATS. I am going absolutely nowhere without them. Potentially, my treats could end up being my life savers; for, the thought of poi leaves me cold inside and out; I’ll expand on that particular Hawaiian curse later.

MY HUCKLEBERRYFIN STRAW SUNHAT. No explanation needed.

I think that’s about it. Oh, apart from my Toni. I suppose I should squeeze her in somewhere; after all, she is funding my hols and if I don’t consider her on my holiday list: (1) She may swiftly and without explanation, extract my funding. (2) She may well go without me, as she has done so millions of times before. So, yes, she can accompany her king, administer to my every need and look jolly well pleased about it.

Well, that’s about it, folks. I’m ready to fly!

Chapter Two

Holiday Reservations

Eyes sprang open like flying saucers as, simultaneously, the rest of my gorgeous, cuddly body leapt at least two and three-quarter metres into the air, a sudden realisation hitting me like a thunderbolt.

What if this holiday caper was some kind of an elaborate ploy, to get me to the other side of the world and leave me there? Now, my dear friends, this may not be as far-fetched or ludicrous, as it may sound. After all, Toni has, on more than one occasion, threatened to take me to the land of my ancestors and personally put me into the witch doctor’s roasting pot, if I didn’t mend my ways and to be honest with you, I don’t remember mending my ways and so now could well be that ghastly time.

Actually, let me put my thinking cap on. Have I put a paw wrong lately? The answer is trillions of times and counting, in the space of one day sometimes. Why, only this morning, I plucked the slice of strawberry jam smothered toast from Toni’s hand. Well, she should have been focussed on the task at hand, excuse the pun, instead of gawping at some dishy looking guy, reading the latest boring news.

With a sad heart, I reluctantly withdrew my sunglasses from my suitcase. It was all too risky; far too risky. To fly to the other side of the world where there are dark, mysterious caves and bubbling cauldrons; witch doctors with cavernous, ravenous mouths and grumbling volcanoes and goodness know what else. My straw hat, my doggie passport and everything else I had so eagerly packed were sadly withdrawn. Sitting, staring forlornly at my empty case, I could only imagine what adventures I could have had.

Auntie Anusia is coming with us to Hawaii, Kami! Toni’s excited voice shrieked from somewhere within the bowels of our castle and travelled directly to my ears.

Was I in the midst of some bizarre twilight zone, from where I was hearing things that were far too awesome to be true? Up I got and down the stairs, I stealthily crept; remember, I should not have been trespassing beyond the servant’s quarters in the first place and my eyes grew like dinner plates. There, would you believe, was my Toni whooping for England, arms and legs excitedly flailing in all directions and depicting a ghastly picture. Was she already practising for a soirée with the witch doctor?

Anusia’s coming to Hawaii! Anusia’s coming to Hawaii! Anusia’s coming to Hawaii! Toni was jumping up and down like an unsightly, out-of-control jumping bean.

I got the message. My heart soared to the highest heaven and beyond and there it decided to stay for, if indeed, my Auntie Anusia was coming to Hawaii with me, then I was safe. Let the holiday begin! Back into the suitcase popped my doggie passport, my straw hat and the rest of my holiday paraphernalia.

My dear loyal subjects, my exuberance lasted all of two minutes. Hideous thoughts crashed into my mind. SUZI! All I needed was my dastardly cousin, Suzi, to gate-crash my fun. To be honest with you, I think, I’d rather hobnob with the witch doctor.

And so with whirling, twirling thoughts, scenarios and ghastly images zooming around my head, I headed for the sanctuary of my den for a good night’s think. Do I go on holiday or do I stay put and face the prospect of Heavenly Homes Kennels? Sun, sand, sea and Suzi or peace and solitude?

Chapter Three

The Airport

Well, we’re on our way, folks!

My glorious self, my luxurious Hawaiian duvet set, my bulging sack of treats and other holiday essentials and of course, my Toni, Auntie Anusia, Uncle Mikołaj and Suzi bringing up the rear. After weighing up the pros and cons and there was an excruciating long list on both sides, I opted for Hawaii.

Now, I must admit, Suzi was a dark or, to be more precise, a white and black blemish on my holiday plans but she was going and if I was going; well, I’d have to put up with her and shut up. After a considerable amount of careful consideration, I got to thinking that her