The Voice of a Phoenix: The Single mother's Guide & Mental health awareness

By Zylkia Swensen

Hello Parents. This book serves lots of purposes. Single Parenting, Depression Suicidal thoughts; Abusive partners, and how I raise my kids by myself & more. Please note that when I say single mothers in this book, I am also referring to Single moms & dads, and Non-binary Parents.
This book is my story, my God things, my bad time, my embarrassing stories, but it's more. This book can give hope, can make you feel understood, or at the very least it will entertain you as I try to take you back in time to re-live my story with me. I also advocate for suicide awareness and mental health. This is not than a book to me, it's life. I would be honored, if you follow me along. Domestic abuse, narcissistic abuse, homelessness, hunger, with no help, sleeping in a car to be able to escape my abuser and how I adventure into the USA, with 3 kids and 11$ in my pocket. It's some of the things discussed in this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amazon Kindel
• Release date: Sep 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9781636309156

Book preview

Zylkia (ZeeIvy) Swensen

The Voice of a Phoenix

A queen knows how to build her Castle with the same stones that were thrown @ her.P.J

First published by (Paperback) ISBN 978-1-63630-915-6 (Digital) Copyright © 2021 Zylkia Swensen 2022

Copyright © 2022 by Zylkia (ZeeIvy) Swensen

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

Zylkia (ZeeIvy) Swensen asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

Zylkia (ZeeIvy) Swensen has no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy of URLs for external or third-party Internet Websites referred to in this publication and does not guarantee that any content on such Websites is, or will remain, accurate or appropriate.

Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book and on its cover are trade names, service marks, trademarks and registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publishers and the book are not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. None of the companies referenced within the book have endorsed the book.

I am not a Physician. I have BA. in Human Development and Family studies I used my experience, and my experience only wish makes me no-responsible for not covering anyone else point of view. I also Change a few names for the protection of minors or others that might feel offended. Names that were change were for their protection and I am not responsible if they come out and identify them self with my story. Articles citation are at the bottom of the page.

I’m the owner of every picture publish, and I reserve the right to publish them

Second edition

ISBN: 978-1-63630-915-6

Editing by Covenants Publishing

This book was professionally typeset on Reedsy

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This is to all of you, single moms, and some dads. It gets easier, more fulfilling, and more rewarding. I have raised my kids all by myself, but always blessed, because the were lots of people who helped me. I call them Angles. This is my story

Also, Support Suicide Awareness

Contents

I. A QUEEN KNOWS HOW TO BUILD HER CASTLE WITH THE SAME STONES THAT WERE THROWN AT HER.

1. Family Today

2. Relationship with your parents influence your parenting.

3. Growing up/ 2

4. After I Died (1998)

5. Growing Up

6. Becoming a Mother

7. Let’s try that thing again: 2nd Marriage

8. Homeless Mother of 3

9. I’m an American Soldier…

10. Third time is the Charmed?

11. Walking Dead

12. Resurrection

13. In to the Dark

14. Custodial Parent Tips

References

About the Author

I

A queen knows how to build her castle with the same stones that were thrown at her.

J.P.

Hello Parents. This book serves lots of purposes. Single Parenting, Depression Suicidal thoughts; Abusive partners, and how I raise my kids by myself & more. Please note that when I say single mothers in this book, I am also referring to Single moms & dads, and Non-binary Parents.

1

Family Today

Family Growth: Family’s Changes The perception that the concept of family has been lost is not entirely the truth. A changing society is not necessarily a lost one. Comparing the families from the 1900s against the modern family is entirely unfair because they are from different times and different generations. Identifying the benefits and the downsides of these changes, and how these affect children in a positive or negative way, is not the same as understanding them. According to the Article: An Overview of Family Development (2007) by Enrique, J., Howk, H., & Huitt, W.; the family system is a basic unit of society that has evolved along with changes in the needs and demands of the individuals and society. Society has changed in the past 115 years, new eras came and took over and changed society as it was once known. Issues like societies’ acceptance to divorce and cohabiting couples, single parenting, family crises, employed mothers, the civil rights movement, war, and historical changes over the world economics like agriculture, industrial, and technology, are a combination of those changes during the last century that gave the concept of family a new meaning (Benokraitis, 2011).

Looking back, and analyzing a Generational Differences Chart, provided by West Midland Family Center we can learn that each generation gave and took away from society in some way, For example, generations from the 1900s to the 1950s are called the traditional generation also known as The Forgotten Generation. This chart clearly explains that this generation experienced hard times while growing up which were followed by times of prosperity. After WWII, the Korean War, the Great Depression, Rise of Corporations, children were raised by parents who just survived all these social issues, including family separations. This situation helped children to grow up with a different set of values than we see in modern days. Values like conformers, contributing dedication and sacrifice, discipline, respect for authority, and responsibility were values that did not survive society’s transitions into a new era (West Midland Family Center). According to Benokraitis (2011), these values did not survive because, during the Traditional era, family issues were arising already. She explains how the percentage of single-parent households tripled between 1900 and 1950 (p 16, par. 4). The word divorce was not unknown at the time and families were already separating ever since the eighteenth century (p 16, par 4). By 1930 Family literature published that issues such as divorce, desertion, and family crises were the cause of discord, delinquency, and depression (Benokraitis, 2011, p. 16, par 1). The first transition after the traditional generation was the Baby Boomer Generation from 1946 to 1964. This Generation, according to the West Midland Family Center Generational Differences Chart happened after the Civil Rights, the Vietnam War, and the sexual revolution. According to them divorce and second marriage had the highest rates in history.

This generation was raised with the ideal of the American dream and how important it was to pursue, it was this reason that the Baby Boomer Generation grew up to be greedy, materialistic, and ambitious (West Midland Family Center Generational Differences Chart). When it came to Work and Family life, they had no balance because they lived to work (West Midland Family Center Generational Differences Chart). According to Benokraitis (2011) Although the Baby Boomer generation had 2 income families like the modern family, mothers and fathers spent less time interacting with their children back then (p 17, par 2). By the 1960s civil rights and feminist movements made a transformation on the view of the concept acceptable of family behaviors (Enrique, J., Howk, H., & Huitt, W, 2007). The Baby Boomers were raised with a different set of values than the Traditional Generation. Qualities and values like Anti-war, Equal rights, loyalty to their children, optimism, personal growth and questioning everything, even authority, and a spend now, worry later attitude were the norm in this changing society (West Midland Family Center Generational Differences Chart). With changes in society came changes in family values and even the meaning of what is a family. Between 1965 and 1980 the Generation X came with new changes. Enrique, J., Howk,7 H., & Huitt, W (2007) explained that during the 1970s the percentage of full-time parents was low compared to older generations. Changes in society did not stop there. According to Benokraitis, (2011), the percentage of couples that live together has been higher since 1970 and this number grew because of a greater societal acceptance of unmarried couples living together (Singles and Cohabiting Couples p17, par 9). She also explains how the high participation of mothers in the labor force since the 1980s has been one of the most striking changes in American families (p.18, par. 6). This was the time when women widely were expected to work outside the home and it is also known as the The first-day care generation because of these reasons. It is said by Enrique, J., Howk, H., & Huitt, W (2007) that a new ideology emerged during these years that stressed personal freedom, self-fulfillment, and individual choice in living arrangements and family commitments. The generations between 1980 and 2000 are called the Millennium Generation and it is in this generation that we see the results of all the changes throughout the history of society.

This generation is known not only for the use of technology but for being the generation that hoped to make life contributions to the world. West Midland Family Center Generational Differences The chart tells us that this generation is attached to their gadgets and their parents, they are the best-educated generation with multiculturalism and globalism. In this generation, parents and children recover or acknowledge the importance of family. They are greatly indulged by fun-loving parents. This generation also has a high expectation of the perfect Family and struggles to 5 make it happen. The Millennium generation is when we first started merging families, with approximately 33 percent of all weddings forming blended families (Deal, 2015). Families are changing, but no one said changes are good or bad, it is just different. Children that grew up in the Traditional generations had the benefits that this generation offered, and the disadvantages that came with it. This is no different than the future generations. Accepting and understanding the changes in society will let the world appreciate the moment, and stop living in the past, expecting that the world functions in the same way that it did in the good old days when the circumstances were different. Generations went from respectful with no argument, to hard workers with argument for everything, to a little bit of both. This new generation has the advantage of knowledge over the past and how to survive difficult situations, but it has the disadvantage of losing respect and values for what is important. Managing a multitasking society is the biggest challenge, it is an advantage and also a disadvantage for children today.

When it comes to visitation rights, I believe that family comes first. The family is separated by divorce, illness, or even death, and overall separating grandparents who want to keep having a relationship with their grandchildren is more than fair to allow it. Thomson Reuters (2015) explains how courts in a few states have ruled that statutes providing for grandparent visitation violate either the federal or the respective state constitutions. The confusing part is that every state is different and laws apply differently. John Bringardner (2007) said: Understanding your basic rights can help ensure that your relationship with the grandchildren doesn’t end should that with their parents. I believe that a healthy child needs their family, as big or small as it is, and having the privilege of having grandparents who care enough to keep a relationship with their grandchildren is a blessing. Now, everything is not as pretty as it looks. Some grandparents won’t let go and want to keep control over their children’s lives or even over an Ex life and push the limits to take over and not give the parents their rights to be parents. I am okay with the fact that not every case is evaluated the same and that each case should be evaluated individually and with special circumstances. Just like any other custody battle, the circumstance should be evaluated by professionals and in the best interest of the child. Communication should be the best option and maturity to accept that grandparents are part of the children life’s and how far they can go with their rights. Just like parents’ custody, sometimes is better to let the other part do their part (if it makes sense) If a grandparent wants to be part of your child’s life, let them, set up ground rules and enjoy life as it is. Having someone that can help with your child is always something good. References Thomson Reuters. (2015). Summaries of State Law: Grandparent Visitation and Custody -FindLaw. Retrieved from http://family.findlaw.com/child-custody/summaries-ofstate-law-grandparent-visitation-and-custody.html

Bringardner, J. (2007). Do Grandparents Have the Rights They Should? - Grandparents.com. Retrieved from http://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/grandparentsrights/dograndparentshavetherightstheyshould

When it comes to visitation rights, I believe that family comes first. Family are separated by divorce, illness, or even death, and overall separating grandparents who want to keep having a relationship with their grandchildren is more than fair to allow it. Thomson Reuters (2015) explains how courts in a few states have ruled that statutes providing for grandparent visitation violate either the federal or the respective state constitutions. The confusing part is that every state is different and laws apply differently. John Bringardner (2007) said: "Understanding your basic rights can help ensure that your relationship with the grandchildren doesn’t end should that with their

parents. I believe that a healthy child needs their family, as big or small as it is, and having the privilege of having grandparents who care enough to keep a relationship with their grandchildren is a blessing. Now, everything is not as pretty as it looks. Some grandparents won’t let go and want to keep control over their children’s lives or even over an Ex" life and push the limits to take over and not give the parents their rights to be parents. I am okay with the fact that not every case is evaluated the same and

that each case should be evaluated individually and with special circumstances. Just like any other custody battle, the circumstance should be evaluated by professionals and in the best interest of the child. Communication should be the best option and maturity to accept that grandparents are part of the children life’s and how far they can go with their rights. Just like parents’ custody, sometimes is better to let the other part do their part (if it makes sense) If a grandparent wants to be part of your child’s life, let them, set up ground rules and enjoy life as it is. Having someone that can help with your child is always something good.

References

. Thomson Reuters. (2015). Summaries of State Law: Grandparent Visitation and Custody -

FindLaw. Retrieved from http://family.findlaw.com/child-custody/summaries-ofstate-law-grandparent-visitation-and-custody.html

Bringardner, J. (2007). Do Grandparents Have the Rights They Should? - Grandparents.com.

Retrieved from http://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/grandparentsrights/dograndparentshavetherightstheyshould

2

Relationship with your parents influence your parenting.

Being a single parent is hard. The National Fatherhood Initiative explains how single fathering is even harder than single mothering because of social reasons, fathers are not raised with the knowledge of caring for a child as a nurture and be empathetic (Dave Taylor, 2014).

My relationship with my father was a rocky one, but it still is. My father’s role until I was 7 was an active one. I was Daddy’s little girl. As I grew up and became more independent and mature for my age, my father and I started to grow apart. I share my mother’s view as an independent woman, smart and capable of doing big things, in a culture where women were meant to be at home raising their children. My father was not happy that his little princess was nothing like he would have wanted her to be.

When my sister was born, my dad had a second chance to have a daddy’s little girl. My sister was more respectful of his points of view and he was proud that she was so submissive and needed him for everything. I did not see the importance of choosing between my personality and his point of view, so I became his rebel daughter. I was the child that could make choices, and not have to ask because I had my mother to support me. I worked since I was 16 so I was economically independent from him, and he did not like that. His relationship with my mother made it worse. My mother was never a Housewife, she was a hard-working independent feminist who never saw anything wrong with working her way to the top, even if it meant that my dad would stay behind. He was a conformist, he would work 20 years in